Limerick

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  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    The singer who's known as Britney
    Broke out into song rather wittily.
    She had a new man
    A new life and a plan
    And her name (Spears) is now Mrs Pitt (nee).


  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    There was once a donkey called Pete
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was once a donkey called Pete
    Who somehow got chopped into meat

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    There was once a donkey called Pete
    Who somehow got chopped into meat
    And served on a plate
  • There was once a donkey called Pete
    Who somehow got chopped into meat
    And served on a plate
    Which was made out of slate
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was once a donkey called Pete
    Who somehow got chopped into meat
    And served on a plate
    Which was made out of slate
    But (with parsley on top) looked quite neat.
    There was an Old Man of Thermopylae
    Who behaved every day quite improperly
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Man of Thermopylae
    Who behaved every day quite improperly
    He chased fallen ladies
    Near the entrance to Hades



  • There was an Old Man of Thermopylae
    Who behaved every day quite improperly
    He chased fallen ladies
    Near the entrance to Hades
    Till stopped by a most gallant Copper (Lee).
    There was an Old Person of Loose*
    Who always boiled eggs in his shoes

    (*a village in Kent, pronounced to rhyme with *lose*).
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Person of Loose
    Who always boiled eggs in his shoes
    And used his old socks
    For poaching his lox


  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Person of Loose
    Who always boiled eggs in his shoes
    And used his old socks
    For poaching his lox
    Which broke some religious taboos.

  • There was an Old Lady of Leeds
    Who forever was telling her beads
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There was an Old Lady of Leeds
    Who forever was telling her beads.
    She bowed and she scraped.
    You'd have thought she had paped,
    but the Penties met all her needs.


    A Methodist preacher from Lynn
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A Methodist preacher from Lynn
    Preached that toupees were a sin


  • A Methodist preacher from Lynn
    Preached that toupees were a sin
    What? *Toupees*, you say?
    Surely *Chasubles* - they
    Are a sign of the Devil entering in...

    There was an Old Person from Grimsby
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There was an Old Person from Grimsby
    Who took and then threw away Jim's B
    But Jim was quite pleased
    And not at all cheesed
    'Cause Jim was not Jimb but now Jim, see.

  • :lol:
    There was an Old Man from Kamchatka*

    (*somewhere in Russia, I think)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    :lol:

    Yes, good one.
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was an Old Man from Kamchatka
    Who wished to prepare for The Rapture

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There was an Old Man from Kamchatka
    Who wished to prepare for The Rapture
    But he ruptured his spleen.
    It remains to be seen
    If he'll manage The Rapture to capture.
  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    There was an insomniac Miffy
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an insomniac Miffy
    Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy

  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    There was an insomniac Miffy
    Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy

    So she got out her tablet
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an insomniac Miffy
    Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy
    So she got out her tablet
    Played Wordle and Scrabble. It
    Put her to sleep in a jiffy.



  • MiffyMiffy Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    There was an insomniac Miffy
    Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy
    So she got out her tablet
    Played Wordle and Scrabble. It
    Put her to sleep in a jiffy.



    😴
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A once insomniac Shipmate was dreaming
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    A once insomniac Shipmate was dreaming
    Of tea, aromatic and steaming.

  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    A once insomniac Shipmate was dreaming
    Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
    Macha? Or chai?
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A once insomniac Shipmate was dreaming
    Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
    Macha? Or chai?
    Served spiked, or served dry?

  • A once insomniac Shipmate was dreaming
    Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
    Macha? Or chai?
    Served spiked, or served dry?
    No matter - her face was a-beaming!
    There was an Old Person of Cairo
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Person of Cairo
    Who was always a bit of a pyro

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Person of Cairo
    Who was always a bit of a pyro
    He set fire to his garage
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Person of Cairo
    Who was always a bit of a pyro
    He set fire to his garage
    Which angered the Raj

  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There was an Old Person of Cairo
    Who was always a bit of a pyro
    He set fire to his garage
    Which angered the Raj
    And more so when he torched their tie row.

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    Last night I went out for a pint
  • Last night I went out for a pint,
    Some crisps, and a puff on a joint,


    *the extent to which pint and joint do or do not rhyme is a function of accent.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    Last night I went out for a pint,
    Some crisps, and a puff on a joint,
    But in came the cops




  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    Last night I went out for a pint,
    Some crisps, and a puff on a joint,
    But in came the cops
    With buckets and mops
  • SojournerSojourner Shipmate
    So I left, cos what was the point?
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host


    An eager young preacher from Poole
  • SojournerSojourner Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    An eager young preacher from Poole
    Who used to proclaim from a stool
    One day in full flight
    He took a great fright
    When he heard from above: “Bloody fool”
    (Edited: Layout made slightly more readable; Wesley J, Circus Host)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host

    It was not a stool, 'twas a turd
    From which the man preached. He was heard
    By the Lord on his throne
    And then made it his own
    Not to preach from the loo, as absurd.
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    *ahem*

    There was an Old Vicar of Bury
    Who at Matins became very merry
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    There was an Old Vicar of Bury
    Who at Matins became very merry
    As he sung the Te Deum
  • There was an Old Vicar of Bury
    Who at Matins became very merry
    As he sung the Te Deum
    He lapsed into delirium
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Vicar of Bury
    Who at Matins became very merry
    As he sung the Te Deum
    He lapsed into delirium
    And announced that God's nickname was "Larry".



  • There was an Old Man of Bombay
    Who subsisted entirely on Hay
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    St. Peter, while manning the gates
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    There was an Old Man of Bombay
    Who subsisted entirely on Hay
    He stole from a farmer
    Who warned him of karma
    The man just turned round and said "neighhhh".

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    St. Peter, while manning the gates,
    Had a beer and a chat with his mates
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    St. Peter, while manning the gates
    Said "Here, I don't get many dates
    For all of the hotties
    Are souls without bodies

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