The singer who's known as Britney
Broke out into song rather wittily.
She had a new man
A new life and a plan
And her name (Spears) is now Mrs Pitt (nee).
There was once a donkey called Pete
Who somehow got chopped into meat
And served on a plate
Which was made out of slate
But (with parsley on top) looked quite neat.
There was an Old Man of Thermopylae
Who behaved every day quite improperly
There was an Old Man of Thermopylae
Who behaved every day quite improperly
He chased fallen ladies
Near the entrance to Hades
Till stopped by a most gallant Copper (Lee).
There was an Old Person of Loose*
Who always boiled eggs in his shoes
(*a village in Kent, pronounced to rhyme with *lose*).
There was an Old Lady of Leeds
Who forever was telling her beads.
She bowed and she scraped.
You'd have thought she had paped,
but the Penties met all her needs.
A Methodist preacher from Lynn
A Methodist preacher from Lynn
Preached that toupees were a sin
What? *Toupees*, you say?
Surely *Chasubles* - they
Are a sign of the Devil entering in...
There was an Old Person from Grimsby
There was an Old Person from Grimsby
Who took and then threw away Jim's B
But Jim was quite pleased
And not at all cheesed
'Cause Jim was not Jimb but now Jim, see.
There was an Old Man from Kamchatka
Who wished to prepare for The Rapture
But he ruptured his spleen.
It remains to be seen
If he'll manage The Rapture to capture.
There was an insomniac Miffy
Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy
So she got out her tablet
Played Wordle and Scrabble. It
Put her to sleep in a jiffy.
There was an insomniac Miffy
Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy
So she got out her tablet
Played Wordle and Scrabble. It
Put her to sleep in a jiffy.
A once insomniac Shipmate was dreaming
Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
Macha? Or chai?
Served spiked, or served dry?
No matter - her face was a-beaming!
There was an Old Person of Cairo
There was an Old Person of Cairo
Who was always a bit of a pyro
He set fire to his garage
Which angered the Raj
And more so when he torched their tie row.
An eager young preacher from Poole
Who used to proclaim from a stool
One day in full flight
He took a great fright
When he heard from above: “Bloody fool”
(Edited: Layout made slightly more readable; Wesley J, Circus Host)
It was not a stool, 'twas a turd
From which the man preached. He was heard
By the Lord on his throne
And then made it his own
Not to preach from the loo, as absurd.
There was an Old Vicar of Bury
Who at Matins became very merry
As he sung the Te Deum
He lapsed into delirium
And announced that God's nickname was "Larry".
There was an Old Man of Bombay
Who subsisted entirely on Hay
He stole from a farmer
Who warned him of karma
The man just turned round and said "neighhhh".
Comments
Broke out into song rather wittily.
She had a new man
A new life and a plan
And her name (Spears) is now Mrs Pitt (nee).
Who somehow got chopped into meat
Who somehow got chopped into meat
And served on a plate
Who somehow got chopped into meat
And served on a plate
Which was made out of slate
Who somehow got chopped into meat
And served on a plate
Which was made out of slate
But (with parsley on top) looked quite neat.
There was an Old Man of Thermopylae
Who behaved every day quite improperly
Who behaved every day quite improperly
He chased fallen ladies
Near the entrance to Hades
Who behaved every day quite improperly
He chased fallen ladies
Near the entrance to Hades
Till stopped by a most gallant Copper (Lee).
There was an Old Person of Loose*
Who always boiled eggs in his shoes
(*a village in Kent, pronounced to rhyme with *lose*).
Who always boiled eggs in his shoes
And used his old socks
For poaching his lox
Who always boiled eggs in his shoes
And used his old socks
For poaching his lox
Which broke some religious taboos.
There was an Old Lady of Leeds
Who forever was telling her beads
Who forever was telling her beads.
She bowed and she scraped.
You'd have thought she had paped,
but the Penties met all her needs.
A Methodist preacher from Lynn
Preached that toupees were a sin
Preached that toupees were a sin
What? *Toupees*, you say?
Surely *Chasubles* - they
Are a sign of the Devil entering in...
There was an Old Person from Grimsby
Who took and then threw away Jim's B
But Jim was quite pleased
And not at all cheesed
'Cause Jim was not Jimb but now Jim, see.
There was an Old Man from Kamchatka*
(*somewhere in Russia, I think)
Yes, good one.
Who wished to prepare for The Rapture
Who wished to prepare for The Rapture
But he ruptured his spleen.
It remains to be seen
If he'll manage The Rapture to capture.
Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy
So she got out her tablet
Whose chances for sleep were quite iffy
So she got out her tablet
Played Wordle and Scrabble. It
Put her to sleep in a jiffy.
😴
Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
Macha? Or chai?
Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
Macha? Or chai?
Served spiked, or served dry?
Of tea, aromatic and steaming.
Macha? Or chai?
Served spiked, or served dry?
No matter - her face was a-beaming!
There was an Old Person of Cairo
Who was always a bit of a pyro
Who was always a bit of a pyro
He set fire to his garage
Who was always a bit of a pyro
He set fire to his garage
Which angered the Raj
Who was always a bit of a pyro
He set fire to his garage
Which angered the Raj
And more so when he torched their tie row.
Some crisps, and a puff on a joint,
*the extent to which pint and joint do or do not rhyme is a function of accent.
Some crisps, and a puff on a joint,
But in came the cops
Some crisps, and a puff on a joint,
But in came the cops
With buckets and mops
An eager young preacher from Poole
Who used to proclaim from a stool
One day in full flight
He took a great fright
When he heard from above: “Bloody fool”
(Edited: Layout made slightly more readable; Wesley J, Circus Host)
It was not a stool, 'twas a turd
From which the man preached. He was heard
By the Lord on his throne
And then made it his own
Not to preach from the loo, as absurd.
There was an Old Vicar of Bury
Who at Matins became very merry
Who at Matins became very merry
As he sung the Te Deum
Who at Matins became very merry
As he sung the Te Deum
He lapsed into delirium
Who at Matins became very merry
As he sung the Te Deum
He lapsed into delirium
And announced that God's nickname was "Larry".
There was an Old Man of Bombay
Who subsisted entirely on Hay
Who subsisted entirely on Hay
He stole from a farmer
Who warned him of karma
The man just turned round and said "neighhhh".
Had a beer and a chat with his mates
Said "Here, I don't get many dates
For all of the hotties
Are souls without bodies