Scotland has free prescriptions. I don't know how they work out dental charges, but I am either £20 or £25 for a check up. I had a complicated root canal, spread over three appointments (first appointment was X Ray and prescription for antibiotics) and the total cost was, by memory, £220.
Check ups on NHS dentistry basis are free in Scotland, but only for one appointment per year. The NHS Scotland website notes that patients who have to pay charges are billed thus:
“NHS patients who pay for their treatment pay 80% of the treatment costs. This continues to be capped at a maximum of £384 per course of treatment. Any costs over this maximum continues to be fully subsidised by the NHS. You will never pay more than £384 per course of treatment. The vast majority of patients will pay much less than this cost.”
I have a private dentist, but don’t pay much more than NHS rates and have two check ups a year.
Ah @Firenze I can sympathise with that, sometimes it's just easier to remain where one is!! I am hoping the current residence will remain practical for years to come, I can't think of too much that needs rethinking for ageing, which is good. I often wonder how many people make major modifictions like a stairlift to their homes.
My Aunt also had a single storey home (which appealed to me) and when her husband developed Parkinsons they were able to add some half-steps and small ramps to ensure her husband could continue to live there as long as possible.
I've found the information on UK dental to be very interesting. There has long been a campaign in Oz to try to get the government to fund dental in the Medicare scheme, our equivalent of the NHS. To date not a lot of traction, but some people on low incomes are able to have their children's needs covered through a school dental health scheme and some big public hospitals have dental clinics I think in association with university dental schools. Our son was assessed by such staff at the children's hospital prior to his couple of BMTs. He now sees a Paediatric dentist, that costs roughly just over gbp100 for a consultation and an opg x-ray.
Next year when I start to receive my pension, I will be doing a raft of catch up dentistry and new glasses. I'll probably need a new sleep aponea machine then as well, so am looking forward to being able to look after myself better.
I remember a friend who had just retired about 8 years ago saying his aim was to stave off all the things that might lead him into his health deteriorating. I thought that was very sage advice.
Here quite a few people end up putting huge expensive ramps on the front of their houses (we live near several major rivers, so flooding means every house has multiple steps to the door). It seems to happen most often for people with limited means, which makes me think there must be a social program paying for it.
I seldom walk out the front door of my house as, I once took a nasty tumble down the steps which are quite steep and landed on the concrete driveway. When I bought the house it already had a concrete ramp and metal railings at the back door, which are much safer.
As I head into retirement (end of this month), I was wondering if some of my planning assumptions resonated with those who have more experience…?
1. I enjoy long haul travel (well, being there more than getting there!) and have budgeted for this for the next few years. But I do find the flying bit increasingly tiring, and expect that I will be done with it in a few years time. If you have been retired for a while, how did it work for you? Did you find yourself travelling less as time went on?
2. I am planning on taking a part-time qualification - it will help with voluntary work, but I am also assuming it will help me to make a new network of friends too. Did anyone try something like that?
3. (a bit specific, this one) I am retiring from academia, and the projects / possibilities don’t necessarily stop the day you walk out the door. If this has been your journey, did you deliberately manage ‘fading from the scene’ or did it just happen?
Sorry for a list of questions, but this is a great place to crowd-source wisdom
Good questions.
1. Continue whilst you can. Flying is not something I enjoy and have not done for several years as my late husband could not fly for medical reasons. I might consider Eurostar or a coach tour, but my passport expired during the pandemic and I am not sure whether to bother renewing it.
2. Good idea. The voluntary work I took up in retirement required extensive training which I enjoyed and met new people. (Later recruits were plunged in at the deep end.)
3. Hard to comment. I tried to leave a strong Department well set up, but my successor, who only stayed two years, turned everything upside down.
Good that you are thinking ahead. Enjoy your retirement.
1 As long as you're fit. Mr F needs Assistance at airports - which can be fine, but equally not, as in when we were flying out of Berlin. The assigned gate was actually going to Turkey, stopped them putting him on that flight. Discovered the new gate, but then had to get him in wheelchair, plus suitcase and other bags through two levels and get transport to plane, just me singlehanded.
2 The whole Join Things with a common interest hasn't worked in terms of friendships outwith the meetings.
3 Mr F still an important player in certain projects, but accepts he can't keep up with latest developments in his field.
Never knew my dad's parents. They both died in the same year that I was born but before I was born. My mom's parents lived in another council house in our street about 100 yards away. At the bottom of their garden were the school railings. It was my first school. My nan knew when playtime was and I would see her at the railings with a couple of biscuits. They had a tv before we did but could only get BBC. My grandad worked at the Austins motor works in Birmingham where he was a a minor shop steward.
My nan was always a housewife and my grandad retired when he was 65. His retirement was plagued with ill heath and he died from long and painful cancer when he was 72. My nan couldn't cope and became addicted to sherry. The following year she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Birmingham. The day after after admission we were told that she had died but I couldn't help suspecting that they got rid of her because she could be a bit of a handful.
At the time I always thought that I knew them but I clearly didn't. I never bothered to really explore what it was like for them growing up in the Black Country. However, when I had a half decent car I was thrilled to be able to take them to visit relatives in Wales and Lancashire.
Anyway, try and know more about your older relatives while you can and if you have children and grandchildren, make sure that they know more about you.
Long-haul travel. I've only undertaken two long haul flights. One to New York with work in 2006 and one this month to Madagascar on an organised tour.
I'd do one again but not every year. I hope to visit relatives and friends in Australia.
Madagascar was fascinating, exhausting, heart-rending.
I don't have a 'bucket list' but quite fancy Mali and Ethiopia political conditions permitting.
On courses and the like. I run a poetry group and sometimes run workshops for a U3A group in another town. I find these convivial but find I can convince myself that these people are more my 'friends' than they actually are. I do have friends involved but they are generally people I know from local poetry circles already.
I may join classes of some kind. There are lectures and a theological course connected with my 'arch-diocese' but I've only really nibbled at that so far.
There are also people I only see annually at an ecumenical conference but I do sense a strong connection there. I'm also involved with the editorial board of a periodical but that doesn't translate into friendships beyond the activity itself.
The same pretty much applied to my political engagement and again, there I think I assumed I had closer ties and connections with people than actually proved to be the case. I moved away from it to concentrate on other things but don't feel I've adequately 'replaced' it yet.
I'm getting involved with things in the parish more, the choir, the parish council, a volunteer cleaning rota. I'm happy to do those but don't want them to take over.
I'm exploring other volunteering opportunities, perhaps visiting lonely elderly people before I become more so myself.
Meanwhile @Telford makes a significant point about elderly relatives.
Sorry to double-post, but some further thoughts ...
If you are on your own be proactive. People say that you are welcome to join them on their weekly walk, for instance, but rarely follow such hollow invitations through.
I've allowed myself to get involved with one amateur dramatic production a year, with increasingly bigger roles. This can be stressful and intense - all the drama takes place off-stage - and I always say, 'Never again ...' only to audition the next year.
There are great people involved but I tend only to run into them very occasionally in between rehearsals and productions. It can take over between Easter and mid-July. Two rehearsals a week. Lots of learning lines and reading in, setting up and taking down.
Some of these people lurch from one production to the next. Once a year's enough for me.
Try things out. It takes a while to find the groove that suits.
On the academic side of things, I've known retired academics who very easily find themselves on review panels or assessment boards or who take occasional sessions with students. They seem to enjoy that and from what I can gather do keep abreast of what's going on in their particular field. I know a retired English/classics boffin who runs classes in Ancient Greek and attends conferences on all things Hellenistic. I know retired medical professionals who remain very much involved in their field.
I imagine it depends on the discipline to a large extent.
I've heard it said of retired senior police, fire or health service officers and managers that they tend not to be able to 'switch off' in retirement. If they join the golf club, say, they end up trying to run everything.
I've heard it said of retired senior ..... managers that they tend not to be able to 'switch off' in retirement. If they join the golf club, say, they end up trying to run everything.
My concern is that when my husband retires he will try to line manage me!
I am definitely going to try to be more proactive about engaging with people. During my career (almost unbelievably, just seven days left of that) I have been far too focussed on my academic work and leadership roles instead. Another book or article written is little use in lonely times.
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@North East Quine that outlook does sound alarming! Perhaps you could get in first, and present him with a housework rota on the first day of his retirement
Anyway, try and know more about your older relatives while you can and if you have children and grandchildren, make sure that they know more about you.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. My mum's youngest sister died earlier in the summer, the last of that generation of the family. We cousins have reconnected and are sharing family knowledge and history, but there have already been several instances of "I never thought to ask, and now I can't."
I do have one particular friend - a widow in her 80s - who is travelling all over the place with various family members. I think she gets assistance through the airports. If you enjoy it, do it for as long as you can.
I undertook a couple of part time courses (started one before I finished work) and there's also the opportunity to catch up on reading, if reading is something you'd like to do but have never had time for. I'm now trained as a spiritual director and would not have had time to do that before now.
My husband stopped work long before I did and is filling his time with, among other things, a lot of volunteer roles.
Well done to you for preparing yourself for this huge change of life as best as you can. Like @Telford 's grandfather, my father worked for as many years as he could and had a complete breakdown when he retired as he lost his purpose and also lost the sense that he had a right to the pensions that were coming in so he lived in fear of being thrown onto the streets. When he died after a long illness my mum took on a new lease of life and did a lot of (UK) travelling seeing family and friends.
Not sure whether to say this, but this is Epiphanies.
I have almost felt a touch of criticism ( not on the Ship!) that I am coping too well since my husband died 16 months ago: being too active, taking too many trips, seen to be enjoying myself, as signs that I am not grieving sufficiently.
a) I realise now that our lives were increasingly restricted by my late husband’s poor health, so there are things I can now do that I couldn’t previously.
b) I have always done certain activities by myself, not as a couple, eg singing holidays, so nothing new there
c) others do not see the long hours spent alone, sometimes for several days, hating going for a walk alone, eating out alone, having no-one to tell it all to when I get home etc.
Yes, mostly I am strong and resilient, but I do have concerns about the future when I can no longer manage so independently.
(((Puzzler))) I have had huge admiration for the courage you have shown, not only coping, but also supporting others, such as your grandchildren. (And Yay! for excellent GCSE French results!)
My mother's life has expanded since Dad's death - coffees out, theatre trips, visits from friends. She was at an alpaca petting session a couple of months ago, and has been chaffeured round an open garden event on a rickshaw.
Everyone who knows how restricted her life was in the years following Dad's health failing is, I hope, very pleased for her. I know she still misses him horribly.
Re Telford's advice, Mum is currently writing an account of her childhood. She hand wrote 3,500 words, and I word processed it, with photos. She used this as the basis for a second account, handwritten from scratch, of 7,000 words. Again, I word processed it. Last week she gave me a fresh, handwritten account - I guess it'll be up to about 10,000 words by now. I am not sure this is the most efficient method (!!!), copying by hand paragraphs which have already been typed up (sigh) but it works for Mum. I'll word process it next week.
Mum doesn't know this, but once she is happy with it we are planning to get about 20 copies printed, for distribution round the family.
@Puzzler I hugely admire how you have coped since your husband’s death.
My mother’s health ended up restricting my father in many ways, and in many ways his life has opened up since then. He misses her deeply of course (one way or another they were together for seventy years), but has a quietly confident faith, and has landed in a good place with regular contact with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, and as much other social life as he feels able to cope with.
(((Puzzler))) I have had huge admiration for the courage you have shown, not only coping, but also supporting others, such as your grandchildren. (And Yay! for excellent GCSE French results!)
My mother's life has expanded since Dad's death - coffees out, theatre trips, visits from friends. She was at an alpaca petting session a couple of months ago, and has been chaffeured round an open garden event on a rickshaw.
Everyone who knows how restricted her life was in the years following Dad's health failing is, I hope, very pleased for her. I know she still misses him horribly.
Re Telford's advice, Mum is currently writing an account of her childhood. She hand wrote 3,500 words, and I word processed it, with photos. She used this as the basis for a second account, handwritten from scratch, of 7,000 words. Again, I word processed it. Last week she gave me a fresh, handwritten account - I guess it'll be up to about 10,000 words by now. I am not sure this is the most efficient method (!!!), copying by hand paragraphs which have already been typed up (sigh) but it works for Mum. I'll word process it next week.
Mum doesn't know this, but once she is happy with it we are planning to get about 20 copies printed, for distribution round the family.
My parents did this for my granny. They gave her paper and pens for Christmas one year and we have a few copies of about 10000 words about her childhood in a farm cottage outside St Andrews (curses on spell check for trying to insert an apostrophe in the town!). A wonderful possession.
@Puzzler - I don't know you and I don't know them but I'm annoyed at those who 'judge' you on this.
There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve or cope with bereavement.
Nor is it true or fair to say that we can only do what 'works' for us, as nothing really 'works' or resolves the issue. But there are things we can do to help us cope. Sounds like you are doing them and you are to be applauded not criticised for that.
I wish we’d done something similar for mum, when she started to decline into Alzheimer's. There are none of her generation left in the family now, and we are left with a small collection of old photos - and a sense of curiosity that we try to satisfy with imagination.
Puzzler, I've got nothing but admiration for how you're coping--and wish we were doing better in my own extended family.
There's a thing called anticipatory grief, where you get the bulk of it "done" before ever the person actually dies. It happens a lot when there's a long final illness and you have fair warning of what's coming. I'm pretty sure that explains why I'm not showing the standard signs of grief for my mother (along with some other stuff I'm working through), and I'm heartily glad that I'm 1500 miles away from the rest of my family, so they can't judge me.
@Lamb Chopped - Thanks for mentioning anticipatory grief. When I visited G, my oldest brother who has Parkinsons I realised I was actively grieving his situation more than I had when either of my parents died. I think part of that was that I had always expected them to die before me. With G being so ill it has made me face my own mortality more immediately. Also it seems so bloody unfair that his brain was damaged before he was born, possibly in ways that made him more prone to Parkinsons. It felt like a double whammy.
The fact that he is only 2 years older than I am is also relevant.
One thing we have learned when traveling by air is to request wheelchair assistance when you make your reservation, even if you don't have your own chair. Not that we do it all the time, but consider it if you are at all unsteady or uncertain of your feet, endurance, etc. You can also request it when you arrive at the airport.
My wife discovered this when I broke my toe in Mongolia, and hobbled around on crutches for a couple days before we left. Once we arrived at the airport, a staff member met me with a chair and pushed me all around the airport, including through security (special lane). The same when we had a layover in Beijing. The person knew where to go, and the fastest way to get there. We got to board the plane early, although we were also the last off.
My mother requested a wheel chair on her last visit to us, and they pushed her all the way out to the car in the parking lot. They said it was their job, although I suspect my wife gave the person a good tip while I was getting my mother settled in the car.
Not everyone has the endurance to stand in line at the counter, again at security and at the gate, and walk to the gates while managing all their luggage, even if they don't have an obvious disability. So don't be hesitant to ask the airline if you're not sure you are up for it.
Carex, that's really helpful, thanks. I'm also going to talk to my audiologist because I know there's a badge available that signals the wearer has difficulty hearing. I heard the boarding call at Christchurch simply because I was sitting directly beneath the loudspeaker waiting for it.
I agree airport assistance can be excellent. But I found it worked best when we travelling with a holiday firm* because the rep co-ordinated the various handlers (we had a special taxi from the plane, which then handed over to a wheelchair through the airport for example). However, as I've recounted, arranging it ourselves was less successful.
* a downside was that the company wanted to be sure you were fit enough to travel and issued a long form, to be completed by a doctor, in what for many would be an impossible timescale.
Originally posted by @Cameron Perhaps you could get in first, and present him with a housework rota on the first day of his retirement
I caught the NE Man putting a yogurt pot into the dishwasher to clean it for recycling. He hadn't removed the cardboard sleeve.
I pointed out that it is a nuisance* when he puts cardboard in the dishwasher as I have to scrape the filter clean afterwards.
He pointed out that it is not a nuisance* per se but only a nuisance for me, as I am the one cleaning the filter. It is not a nuisance* for him.
I told him that the minute he retires, any cardboard in the dishwasher WILL be a nuisance* for him, as he will be the one cleaning it.
He is going to try to remember that cardboard doesn't go in the dishwasher, and is confident he'll have stopped doing it prior to his retirement.
*nuisance may not have been the actual word I used, but TIACW.
I can imagine a few alternative words
It seems you will have your hands full with training the retired NE Man in the principle of considerate behaviour…
To make the principle memorable, perhaps you might establish that when you fold away his undergarments after chopping fresh chillies, that is not a ‘nuisance’ to you since you were able to accomplish two tasks efficiently without the delay of washing your hands in between…!
To make the principle memorable, perhaps you might establish that when you fold away his undergarments after chopping fresh chillies, that is not a ‘nuisance’ to you since you were able to accomplish two tasks efficiently without the delay of washing your hands in between…!
I like your thinking
Reminds me of a tale told to me years ago about someone in the early days of their marriage who strategically put a double crease in her husband's trousers. And wasn't required to iron them again....
Being an academic means that the first year of retirement is going to be a bit of a taper rather than a full stop - attending a few conferences paid for by the journal I edit (including one next week!) and some other voluntary activities in the mix. Not to mention some articles that will be in the publication process for who knows how long…
Ironically I will also be teaching in the coming semester - I am covering some lectures for a colleague who is dealing with cancer (which of course I don’t mind doing).
But I will also be travelling a lot - it’s time to finally cash in those air miles and hotel points.
Happy retirement @Cameron ! May you have years and health to enjoy it. Also, enjoy the tapering out.
I'm not there yet, which I'm somewhat narky about at the moment (UK female age state pension age changing steadily since I started in the workplace,) whilst trying not to be, but I am gleefully noting I soon qualify for some benefits of older ager. Rail card!! Prescriptions all round. I qualify on medical exemption grounds at the moment, but for Japes' like reasons pay for the ones not related to my medical exemption condition.
I also have a feeling I will be tapering out when I get there, but with keeping on my 2nd job of organist duties rather than doing anything more in my academic workplace. I have had a change in role in the past year, which is less physically active than the role I'd been in for the previous 13 years, which I'm hoping means I keep trundling on healthily until time to retire. (Ironically, despite my medical condition, I am what my doctor described as ridiculously healthy for my age...)
That reminds me to apply for a senior railcard in a few months, @Japes - I use trains quite a lot so it seems like a really good deal.
I wish I had a musical ability like you - as it is, I can’t even sing unless the piece is in the key of off.
Organists in particular seem to be always in demand, and playing an organ has always looked like a bit like a cardio workout to me - so double benefits!
I have a Club 50 Railcard which costs £15 a year, gives 20% off, but also has occasional "anywhere for £17" offers. When it runs out, I can't work out whether I should get another Club 50, or the Senior Railcard for £30, which gives 30% off, but doesn't seem to have the flat fare £17 offer.
The experience of both me and my wife shared what may have turned out to be helpful to that of Cameron.
For both of us had the last of our paid jobs as being academic teachers in a university of an a developing country. After we had both retired from there, we moved back to Australia, and not long afterwards both took up as honorary [i.e. unpaid] fellows in the local university , albeit in different departments. This university encourages people who look suitable , mainly to participate in seminars and to help supervise postgraduate [research] students. We also wrote and published a few research papers separately, and (in my case) helped editor as one of the research journals. In all cases, we got privileges, not least to draw on widely library and other national societies and communal social events, as much as we felt we wanted to do so, as long as it was non-zero.
In this way, we have been gradually to phase down that role over several years at a rate that suited us.
Comments
“NHS patients who pay for their treatment pay 80% of the treatment costs. This continues to be capped at a maximum of £384 per course of treatment. Any costs over this maximum continues to be fully subsidised by the NHS. You will never pay more than £384 per course of treatment. The vast majority of patients will pay much less than this cost.”
I have a private dentist, but don’t pay much more than NHS rates and have two check ups a year.
My Aunt also had a single storey home (which appealed to me) and when her husband developed Parkinsons they were able to add some half-steps and small ramps to ensure her husband could continue to live there as long as possible.
I've found the information on UK dental to be very interesting. There has long been a campaign in Oz to try to get the government to fund dental in the Medicare scheme, our equivalent of the NHS. To date not a lot of traction, but some people on low incomes are able to have their children's needs covered through a school dental health scheme and some big public hospitals have dental clinics I think in association with university dental schools. Our son was assessed by such staff at the children's hospital prior to his couple of BMTs. He now sees a Paediatric dentist, that costs roughly just over gbp100 for a consultation and an opg x-ray.
Next year when I start to receive my pension, I will be doing a raft of catch up dentistry and new glasses. I'll probably need a new sleep aponea machine then as well, so am looking forward to being able to look after myself better.
I remember a friend who had just retired about 8 years ago saying his aim was to stave off all the things that might lead him into his health deteriorating. I thought that was very sage advice.
1. I enjoy long haul travel (well, being there more than getting there!) and have budgeted for this for the next few years. But I do find the flying bit increasingly tiring, and expect that I will be done with it in a few years time. If you have been retired for a while, how did it work for you? Did you find yourself travelling less as time went on?
2. I am planning on taking a part-time qualification - it will help with voluntary work, but I am also assuming it will help me to make a new network of friends too. Did anyone try something like that?
3. (a bit specific, this one) I am retiring from academia, and the projects / possibilities don’t necessarily stop the day you walk out the door. If this has been your journey, did you deliberately manage ‘fading from the scene’ or did it just happen?
Sorry for a list of questions, but this is a great place to crowd-source wisdom
1. Continue whilst you can. Flying is not something I enjoy and have not done for several years as my late husband could not fly for medical reasons. I might consider Eurostar or a coach tour, but my passport expired during the pandemic and I am not sure whether to bother renewing it.
2. Good idea. The voluntary work I took up in retirement required extensive training which I enjoyed and met new people. (Later recruits were plunged in at the deep end.)
3. Hard to comment. I tried to leave a strong Department well set up, but my successor, who only stayed two years, turned everything upside down.
Good that you are thinking ahead. Enjoy your retirement.
2 The whole Join Things with a common interest hasn't worked in terms of friendships outwith the meetings.
3 Mr F still an important player in certain projects, but accepts he can't keep up with latest developments in his field.
My nan was always a housewife and my grandad retired when he was 65. His retirement was plagued with ill heath and he died from long and painful cancer when he was 72. My nan couldn't cope and became addicted to sherry. The following year she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Birmingham. The day after after admission we were told that she had died but I couldn't help suspecting that they got rid of her because she could be a bit of a handful.
At the time I always thought that I knew them but I clearly didn't. I never bothered to really explore what it was like for them growing up in the Black Country. However, when I had a half decent car I was thrilled to be able to take them to visit relatives in Wales and Lancashire.
Anyway, try and know more about your older relatives while you can and if you have children and grandchildren, make sure that they know more about you.
Long-haul travel. I've only undertaken two long haul flights. One to New York with work in 2006 and one this month to Madagascar on an organised tour.
I'd do one again but not every year. I hope to visit relatives and friends in Australia.
Madagascar was fascinating, exhausting, heart-rending.
I don't have a 'bucket list' but quite fancy Mali and Ethiopia political conditions permitting.
On courses and the like. I run a poetry group and sometimes run workshops for a U3A group in another town. I find these convivial but find I can convince myself that these people are more my 'friends' than they actually are. I do have friends involved but they are generally people I know from local poetry circles already.
I may join classes of some kind. There are lectures and a theological course connected with my 'arch-diocese' but I've only really nibbled at that so far.
There are also people I only see annually at an ecumenical conference but I do sense a strong connection there. I'm also involved with the editorial board of a periodical but that doesn't translate into friendships beyond the activity itself.
The same pretty much applied to my political engagement and again, there I think I assumed I had closer ties and connections with people than actually proved to be the case. I moved away from it to concentrate on other things but don't feel I've adequately 'replaced' it yet.
I'm getting involved with things in the parish more, the choir, the parish council, a volunteer cleaning rota. I'm happy to do those but don't want them to take over.
I'm exploring other volunteering opportunities, perhaps visiting lonely elderly people before I become more so myself.
Meanwhile @Telford makes a significant point about elderly relatives.
If you are on your own be proactive. People say that you are welcome to join them on their weekly walk, for instance, but rarely follow such hollow invitations through.
I've allowed myself to get involved with one amateur dramatic production a year, with increasingly bigger roles. This can be stressful and intense - all the drama takes place off-stage - and I always say, 'Never again ...' only to audition the next year.
There are great people involved but I tend only to run into them very occasionally in between rehearsals and productions. It can take over between Easter and mid-July. Two rehearsals a week. Lots of learning lines and reading in, setting up and taking down.
Some of these people lurch from one production to the next. Once a year's enough for me.
Try things out. It takes a while to find the groove that suits.
On the academic side of things, I've known retired academics who very easily find themselves on review panels or assessment boards or who take occasional sessions with students. They seem to enjoy that and from what I can gather do keep abreast of what's going on in their particular field. I know a retired English/classics boffin who runs classes in Ancient Greek and attends conferences on all things Hellenistic. I know retired medical professionals who remain very much involved in their field.
I imagine it depends on the discipline to a large extent.
I've heard it said of retired senior police, fire or health service officers and managers that they tend not to be able to 'switch off' in retirement. If they join the golf club, say, they end up trying to run everything.
I can understand that.
My concern is that when my husband retires he will try to line manage me!
I am definitely going to try to be more proactive about engaging with people. During my career (almost unbelievably, just seven days left of that) I have been far too focussed on my academic work and leadership roles instead. Another book or article written is little use in lonely times.
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@North East Quine that outlook does sound alarming! Perhaps you could get in first, and present him with a housework rota on the first day of his retirement
I do have one particular friend - a widow in her 80s - who is travelling all over the place with various family members. I think she gets assistance through the airports. If you enjoy it, do it for as long as you can.
I undertook a couple of part time courses (started one before I finished work) and there's also the opportunity to catch up on reading, if reading is something you'd like to do but have never had time for. I'm now trained as a spiritual director and would not have had time to do that before now.
My husband stopped work long before I did and is filling his time with, among other things, a lot of volunteer roles.
Well done to you for preparing yourself for this huge change of life as best as you can. Like @Telford 's grandfather, my father worked for as many years as he could and had a complete breakdown when he retired as he lost his purpose and also lost the sense that he had a right to the pensions that were coming in so he lived in fear of being thrown onto the streets. When he died after a long illness my mum took on a new lease of life and did a lot of (UK) travelling seeing family and friends.
I have almost felt a touch of criticism ( not on the Ship!) that I am coping too well since my husband died 16 months ago: being too active, taking too many trips, seen to be enjoying myself, as signs that I am not grieving sufficiently.
a) I realise now that our lives were increasingly restricted by my late husband’s poor health, so there are things I can now do that I couldn’t previously.
b) I have always done certain activities by myself, not as a couple, eg singing holidays, so nothing new there
c) others do not see the long hours spent alone, sometimes for several days, hating going for a walk alone, eating out alone, having no-one to tell it all to when I get home etc.
Yes, mostly I am strong and resilient, but I do have concerns about the future when I can no longer manage so independently.
My mother's life has expanded since Dad's death - coffees out, theatre trips, visits from friends. She was at an alpaca petting session a couple of months ago, and has been chaffeured round an open garden event on a rickshaw.
Everyone who knows how restricted her life was in the years following Dad's health failing is, I hope, very pleased for her. I know she still misses him horribly.
Re Telford's advice, Mum is currently writing an account of her childhood. She hand wrote 3,500 words, and I word processed it, with photos. She used this as the basis for a second account, handwritten from scratch, of 7,000 words. Again, I word processed it. Last week she gave me a fresh, handwritten account - I guess it'll be up to about 10,000 words by now. I am not sure this is the most efficient method (!!!), copying by hand paragraphs which have already been typed up (sigh) but it works for Mum. I'll word process it next week.
Mum doesn't know this, but once she is happy with it we are planning to get about 20 copies printed, for distribution round the family.
My mother’s health ended up restricting my father in many ways, and in many ways his life has opened up since then. He misses her deeply of course (one way or another they were together for seventy years), but has a quietly confident faith, and has landed in a good place with regular contact with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, and as much other social life as he feels able to cope with.
My parents did this for my granny. They gave her paper and pens for Christmas one year and we have a few copies of about 10000 words about her childhood in a farm cottage outside St Andrews (curses on spell check for trying to insert an apostrophe in the town!). A wonderful possession.
You also made me dwell on being alone and how we experience and adjust to that - so I have started a new thread about it.
There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve or cope with bereavement.
Nor is it true or fair to say that we can only do what 'works' for us, as nothing really 'works' or resolves the issue. But there are things we can do to help us cope. Sounds like you are doing them and you are to be applauded not criticised for that.
I wish we’d done something similar for mum, when she started to decline into Alzheimer's. There are none of her generation left in the family now, and we are left with a small collection of old photos - and a sense of curiosity that we try to satisfy with imagination.
There's a thing called anticipatory grief, where you get the bulk of it "done" before ever the person actually dies. It happens a lot when there's a long final illness and you have fair warning of what's coming. I'm pretty sure that explains why I'm not showing the standard signs of grief for my mother (along with some other stuff I'm working through), and I'm heartily glad that I'm 1500 miles away from the rest of my family, so they can't judge me.
The fact that he is only 2 years older than I am is also relevant.
My wife discovered this when I broke my toe in Mongolia, and hobbled around on crutches for a couple days before we left. Once we arrived at the airport, a staff member met me with a chair and pushed me all around the airport, including through security (special lane). The same when we had a layover in Beijing. The person knew where to go, and the fastest way to get there. We got to board the plane early, although we were also the last off.
My mother requested a wheel chair on her last visit to us, and they pushed her all the way out to the car in the parking lot. They said it was their job, although I suspect my wife gave the person a good tip while I was getting my mother settled in the car.
Not everyone has the endurance to stand in line at the counter, again at security and at the gate, and walk to the gates while managing all their luggage, even if they don't have an obvious disability. So don't be hesitant to ask the airline if you're not sure you are up for it.
* a downside was that the company wanted to be sure you were fit enough to travel and issued a long form, to be completed by a doctor, in what for many would be an impossible timescale.
Perhaps you could get in first, and present him with a housework rota on the first day of his retirement
I caught the NE Man putting a yogurt pot into the dishwasher to clean it for recycling. He hadn't removed the cardboard sleeve.
I pointed out that it is a nuisance* when he puts cardboard in the dishwasher as I have to scrape the filter clean afterwards.
He pointed out that it is not a nuisance* per se but only a nuisance for me, as I am the one cleaning the filter. It is not a nuisance* for him.
I told him that the minute he retires, any cardboard in the dishwasher WILL be a nuisance* for him, as he will be the one cleaning it.
He is going to try to remember that cardboard doesn't go in the dishwasher, and is confident he'll have stopped doing it prior to his retirement.
*nuisance may not have been the actual word I used, but TIACW.
I can imagine a few alternative words
It seems you will have your hands full with training the retired NE Man in the principle of considerate behaviour…
To make the principle memorable, perhaps you might establish that when you fold away his undergarments after chopping fresh chillies, that is not a ‘nuisance’ to you since you were able to accomplish two tasks efficiently without the delay of washing your hands in between…!
I like your thinking
Reminds me of a tale told to me years ago about someone in the early days of their marriage who strategically put a double crease in her husband's trousers. And wasn't required to iron them again....
At least you have the introduced him to the principle of impending housework responsibilities 😁
just seven days left
I hope retirement proves joyful and interesting!
Thank you! It felt great to turn off email and hand back my office key today, and think about all the interesting plans and opportunities ahead…
I'm sure you'll bring a lot to your retirement.
Being an academic means that the first year of retirement is going to be a bit of a taper rather than a full stop - attending a few conferences paid for by the journal I edit (including one next week!) and some other voluntary activities in the mix. Not to mention some articles that will be in the publication process for who knows how long…
Ironically I will also be teaching in the coming semester - I am covering some lectures for a colleague who is dealing with cancer (which of course I don’t mind doing).
But I will also be travelling a lot - it’s time to finally cash in those air miles and hotel points.
I'm not there yet, which I'm somewhat narky about at the moment (UK female age state pension age changing steadily since I started in the workplace,) whilst trying not to be, but I am gleefully noting I soon qualify for some benefits of older ager. Rail card!! Prescriptions all round. I qualify on medical exemption grounds at the moment, but for Japes' like reasons pay for the ones not related to my medical exemption condition.
I also have a feeling I will be tapering out when I get there, but with keeping on my 2nd job of organist duties rather than doing anything more in my academic workplace. I have had a change in role in the past year, which is less physically active than the role I'd been in for the previous 13 years, which I'm hoping means I keep trundling on healthily until time to retire. (Ironically, despite my medical condition, I am what my doctor described as ridiculously healthy for my age...)
I wish I had a musical ability like you - as it is, I can’t even sing unless the piece is in the key of off.
Organists in particular seem to be always in demand, and playing an organ has always looked like a bit like a cardio workout to me - so double benefits!
For both of us had the last of our paid jobs as being academic teachers in a university of an a developing country. After we had both retired from there, we moved back to Australia, and not long afterwards both took up as honorary [i.e. unpaid] fellows in the local university , albeit in different departments. This university encourages people who look suitable , mainly to participate in seminars and to help supervise postgraduate [research] students. We also wrote and published a few research papers separately, and (in my case) helped editor as one of the research journals. In all cases, we got privileges, not least to draw on widely library and other national societies and communal social events, as much as we felt we wanted to do so, as long as it was non-zero.
In this way, we have been gradually to phase down that role over several years at a rate that suited us.