Seriously people - when your hair is falling out (or you are bald) from chemo you the ONE THING you DO NOT WANT to do is draw attention to your head.
If I had a dollar for every tear I've cried over people telling me what a super opportunity it is to wear funny hats - which on occasion they've even BOUGHT and POSTED to me ... I'd be a rich woman. (I'd still have Metastatic Breast Cancer, but I'd be rich.)
Seriously people - when your hair is falling out (or you are bald) from chemo you the ONE THING you DO NOT WANT to do is draw attention to your head.
If I had a dollar for every tear I've cried over people telling me what a super opportunity it is to wear funny hats - which on occasion they've even BOUGHT and POSTED to me ... I'd be a rich woman. (I'd still have Metastatic Breast Cancer, but I'd be rich.)
On the whole, I'd agree - but I have known one or two ladies who, faced with hair loss through cancer/chemo, have sort of risen to the challenge, and either gone about proudly bare-headed, or else sported colourful headgear. Which would, I suppose, draw attention, whether they intended it or not. Remarks about Funny Hats are certainly unacceptable, IMHO.
But I'm a Bloke, so may well have a different perspective, being from Mars...
Bishops Finger ... Saying "but" (and twice in a short post) makes me wonder why you felt such a need to respond.
And then your "what about-ery" of "one or two" - well that just proves the point, dunnit.
A young lass at work, at the age of 29, was diagnosed with breast cancer. The usual tale of radiotherapy/chemotherapy was told, with the happy result that she was (after some time off duty) eventually cured.
Meanwhile, her rather lacklustre, and naturally-mousey hair, fell out, revealing to all her beautifully-shaped head, and somehow accentuating her classically attractive face (remember, I am a Bloke....but she was - and is - a Pretty Drop-Dead Gorgeous Girl. Am I allowed to say that?).
She was brave enough to come back to work in her state of baldness, which I thought did her great credit. The standard Ambulance Service woolly hat was useful, however, in inclement weather....
Her hair eventually grew back, quickly, but darker, thicker, and wavier than before, causing her some discombobulation, as she didn't quite know what to do with it!
At one of the hospitals where I was treated the Oncologist asked that we wear wigs as it was Just Too Much for almost all of the other women in the room.
The only people who tell these kind of stories (in my 23 years of experience) are men like you who find it some kind of a a thrill and trot it out at every opportunity
I'm sorry - I don't find it 'some kind of a thrill', at all, but rather admire the courage shown by people in a (to say the least) difficult situation, such as the colleague I mentioned above.
I tried to express that, but clearly failed.
@Galilit, we don't know each other, or our experiences, IRL. I therefore sincerely apologise for having unwittingly offended you in any way, and hope that this apology will be accepted in the conciliatory spirit in which it is offered.
Please realise we are being treated for a terrible disease which basically has no real cure. We are not doing anything to give to you or to the General Public an example of our "courage". Or of anything else for that matter.
Apology accepted ... things "set one off sometimes" as my English grandmother used to say ...my apols to you also.
My sister looked adorable, not that she would ever believe that...
I don't recall looking adorable, but I do remember being relieved that my head turned out to have an okay shape. Meanwhile, the aide who works part-time in theater is getting the wigs rehabbed.
At one of the hospitals where I was treated the Oncologist asked that we wear wigs as it was Just Too Much for almost all of the other women in the room.
That sounds unfair - being expected to wear a wig because your not doing so is too much for someone else. My other thought is that it might have been uncomfortable for him.
I have never been in the situation myself, but I had a friend who said that she would please herself what she wore or didn't wear on her head, because it was, after all her head
Go Marion!
I thought *she* made a perfectly reasonable request. Especially as it was a religious-run hospital. So everyone in every ward, staff or patient, conformed to all kinds of things that they may not have in their everyday life ... it was a terrific department actually and a very good hospital too. As she said "I know a lot of you kibbutzniks go around 'brave and bald' but you are living in a small place where absolutely everyone knows you and your life there is freer in general than in The Outside World!" (And the wig was paid for by Social Security or something.)
The rest of the time (outside of treatments) you could do what you liked of course. Which for me in those days was a head scarf. Which made some people think I was becoming (Jewish) religious!!
In cancer situations I find myself much more sensitive to the other women around me as well.
It's always such a fine line between being "truly" yourself and being a part of the human race anyway
Yes, my wife went peacefully in the end. It was still traumatic but the medical profession can do wonders. She's still dead though. But it could have been a lot, lot worse.
I hadn't realised she had passed. My sincere sympathy to you and yours.
Interesting article from the BBC: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-47002578. I know when it was discovered that I had a tumour on my kidney a few years back, some folk started talking to me in ways they probably wouldn't have done had I developed (say) pneumonia. Stupid thing was, I felt perfectly well all along! (The kidney had to be removed).
Thanks, BT. It is a struggle, a battle, and I don't mind that - but the whole "lost her battle" thing is a bit awkward. (Of course, the time is coming when I will in fact have to surrender to the inevitable.)
I find it embarrassing to be told that I'm a "hero," since I'm just doing what's necessary to keep going. I do pray for courage, though, and for grace in both my living and dying.
@Bishops Finger I'm sorry you're going to stop posting! I shall miss you.
We are up Thursday at 3 A.M to drive to the city for Mr Image to have his kidney removed. Fingers crossed no additional chemo required other then what will be placed in his bladder. We are thinking this is the start of recovery and things will be going uphill rather then this year of medical down hill journeys. So Wednesday it is only clear liquids, and jello for meals. I am making chicken and beef broth. Mr Image was hoping clear liquids would include gin. Afraid not.
...Mr Image was hoping clear liquids would include gin. Afraid not.
That seems terribly unfair. I trust and pray that all will go well!
I learned today that I will get another ScanFest in a couple of weeks, to see if the chemo is shrinking the tumor in my liver, in particular. My usually straightforward oncologist dodged the question of what comes next if the answer is no. I understand, but I'm going to be seriously annoyed if I have to lose all my hair (again) just to be put into palliative care.
Ross, I saw a post about these empathy cards on Facebook and clicked through to the website. The humour in them reminded me of this thread and especially of your take on things. Sending you one of each!
The hair loss is reaching critical mass; my hairdresser is coming over tomorrow after church to cut off what remains. I'd have liked to have waited a few more days, but this was when he could do it (and it is very kind of him to come), and I just couldn't face going to the salon to have it done in public.
I could say that I shaved my head today in solidarity.
Others might argue that I merely completed my weekly neck-up defoliation (exempting eyebrows), but those others are mean-spirited joyless monsters who make too much of objectivity and fail to see the grace in half-assed tokens of amusement.
Good for you!
Nothing beats taking the inevitable into your own hands and hiring someone with scissors and training! How kind of him to come to you ... most people are kind when we give them a chance to be
Mr Image came home the day after surgery. My son picked him up along with bags of stuff, and a packet of instructions which did not include how to drain catheter bag which is different then the one he had before. I took to you tube and finally called hospital, no help so I took a photo and texted it to nurse. Problem solved. 4 bandages and tape no instructions, figured that out, by taking old bandage off. I am using alcohol as if it were water on every thing. I went to store as soon as they opened for more bandages, and to pick up pain pills, They had to call Mr Image to get his permission to give me his pain pills. Of course he can not reach the phone, so I had to go home and have him call from my cell phone, and make a trip back for pills. It could have been anybody on the phone for all they knew. Oh by the way hospital told me they explained everything to Mr Image. Really that is the guy who was still seeing bodies floating around his bed and thinking the dog needed to go out. Graven Image who is thinking by the end of the week she could pass nursing exam 101 and that the day after your kidney is removed is to early to come home. Still happy all went so well, just a little grumpy from no sleep and learning curve. Thanks for listening.
Comments
No Cocoa for you tonight......
If I had a dollar for every tear I've cried over people telling me what a super opportunity it is to wear funny hats - which on occasion they've even BOUGHT and POSTED to me ... I'd be a rich woman. (I'd still have Metastatic Breast Cancer, but I'd be rich.)
On the whole, I'd agree - but I have known one or two ladies who, faced with hair loss through cancer/chemo, have sort of risen to the challenge, and either gone about proudly bare-headed, or else sported colourful headgear. Which would, I suppose, draw attention, whether they intended it or not. Remarks about Funny Hats are certainly unacceptable, IMHO.
But I'm a Bloke, so may well have a different perspective, being from Mars...
And then your "what about-ery" of "one or two" - well that just proves the point, dunnit.
A young lass at work, at the age of 29, was diagnosed with breast cancer. The usual tale of radiotherapy/chemotherapy was told, with the happy result that she was (after some time off duty) eventually cured.
Meanwhile, her rather lacklustre, and naturally-mousey hair, fell out, revealing to all her beautifully-shaped head, and somehow accentuating her classically attractive face (remember, I am a Bloke....but she was - and is - a Pretty Drop-Dead Gorgeous Girl. Am I allowed to say that?).
She was brave enough to come back to work in her state of baldness, which I thought did her great credit. The standard Ambulance Service woolly hat was useful, however, in inclement weather....
Her hair eventually grew back, quickly, but darker, thicker, and wavier than before, causing her some discombobulation, as she didn't quite know what to do with it!
The only people who tell these kind of stories (in my 23 years of experience) are men like you who find it some kind of a a thrill and trot it out at every opportunity
I'm sorry - I don't find it 'some kind of a thrill', at all, but rather admire the courage shown by people in a (to say the least) difficult situation, such as the colleague I mentioned above.
I tried to express that, but clearly failed.
@Galilit, we don't know each other, or our experiences, IRL. I therefore sincerely apologise for having unwittingly offended you in any way, and hope that this apology will be accepted in the conciliatory spirit in which it is offered.
Apology accepted ... things "set one off sometimes" as my English grandmother used to say ...my apols to you also.
I was 'lucky', inasmuch as my brain tumour turned out to be non-malignant in itself, despite the 'late-onset' side effects!
Perhaps it's best if I now retire from this thread.
<all affected by Big C>>
That sounds unfair - being expected to wear a wig because your not doing so is too much for someone else. My other thought is that it might have been uncomfortable for him.
I have never been in the situation myself, but I had a friend who said that she would please herself what she wore or didn't wear on her head, because it was, after all her head
Go Marion!
The rest of the time (outside of treatments) you could do what you liked of course. Which for me in those days was a head scarf. Which made some people think I was becoming (Jewish) religious!!
In cancer situations I find myself much more sensitive to the other women around me as well.
It's always such a fine line between being "truly" yourself and being a part of the human race anyway
That is jaw-droppingly thoughtless and cruel. I am sorry if someone said that to you, Galilit.
<<votives>> for all Big C sufferers.
I hadn't realised she had passed. My sincere sympathy to you and yours.
I find it embarrassing to be told that I'm a "hero," since I'm just doing what's necessary to keep going. I do pray for courage, though, and for grace in both my living and dying.
@Bishops Finger I'm sorry you're going to stop posting! I shall miss you.
I learned today that I will get another ScanFest in a couple of weeks, to see if the chemo is shrinking the tumor in my liver, in particular. My usually straightforward oncologist dodged the question of what comes next if the answer is no. I understand, but I'm going to be seriously annoyed if I have to lose all my hair (again) just to be put into palliative care.
https://emilymcdowell.com/collections/empathy-cards
Someone sent me the "Illness is not a journey" card; now I know that there are more like it out there!
Others might argue that I merely completed my weekly neck-up defoliation (exempting eyebrows), but those others are mean-spirited joyless monsters who make too much of objectivity and fail to see the grace in half-assed tokens of amusement.
Nothing beats taking the inevitable into your own hands and hiring someone with scissors and training! How kind of him to come to you ... most people are kind when we give them a chance to be