A worthy young wheelwright from Wakefield
For timeless posterity's sake wheeled
His latest creation
Across the whole nation
Then at St. Catherine's Church by a lake kneeled.
There was once a young nurse called Kim
Who was truly amazingly dim
She couldn't make beds
And mixed up the meds
While her manners were fearfully prim.
A Prime Minister went off to Kiev
A Prime Minister went off to Kiev
To meet with a man called Arseniev
So he missed the red wall
And left Gove with the ball
And the poor all now sleep in a Chev.
There once was a curvy young typist
Whose skills were not always the ripest
She couldn't find "qwerty"
Although she was purty
She left and ran off with a myopist
There was an Old Man of East Cheam
Who was single, but did at least seem
To pull in the chickies
For cuddles and quickies
Which made the old wildebeest beam.
There was an Old Man of East Cheam
Who was single, but did at least seem
To pull in the chicks
By offering licks
Of his monster vanilla ice cream
A porter at Effingham Junction *
* A railway station south west of London but chosen because it scans nicely. It probably doesn't have porters these days.
A ticket inspector at Crewe
Saw some passengers tripping on glue
Their tickets inspected,
They were swiftly ejected
And he called as they left, “Toodle-oo!”
There once was a Renaissance Pope
Whose Bulls were quite empty of hope
To enforce his position,
He sent the Inquisition
Which no-one expected - oh, nope!
There was a large man from Carlisle
Whose dinner was much like a pile
He ground it to mush
With the texture of thrush
And sipped it with straws from a vial.
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired her wiles
[Can you end this without using "esque"?]
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired [all] her wiles [Can you end this without using "esque"?]
And ignored all their copies of Leske*
(*German - I think - mineralogist wot writ a book)
Good one! Fits the narrative. I could only come up with
"but the girls all just uttered 'tsk-tsk'" which sacrifices rhyme to coherency(even with "tsk" pronounced phonetically), or "though in fact she was tripping on mesc" which sacrifices coherency to rhyme.
And I like the Germanic overlay from that one detail.
However...
As the resident scanning and syllable obsessive, I'm gonna defend the orginal number of words in my fourth line. To my ears, it flows the same as the third, if you pronounce "admired" as halfway between two and three syllables.
But I'll write both versions out and let the readers decide...
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired her wiles
And ignored all their copies of Leske.
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired all her wiles
And ignored all their copies of Leske.
Ah, but I've never heard *admired* pronounced as having some sort of halfway thingy between two and three syllables, which is why I thought perhaps you'd accidentally omitted the word *all* in the white-hot fury of your composition...
Adding *all* also chimes in with my use of *all* in the final line.
Hm. Yeah, the way I wrote that line sounds righr to me. I'd pronounce "style" as "sty-ul", but I'd pronounce "still" as it's written, ie. one syllable. I guess you pronounce "style" like "still", except with a long "I"?
Hm. Yeah, the way I wrote that line sounds righr to me. I'd pronounce "style" as "sty-ul", but I'd pronounce "still" as it's written, ie. one syllable. I guess you pronounce "style" like "still", except with a long "I"?
Just so - hence our (slight) differences of opinion! Please, carry on as you were...
There was an Old Lady of Leek
Whose style was trendy and chic
Her shoes were from Paris
She drove a pink Yaris
And claimed that her name was Monique.
My girlfriend is really quite dowdy
My girlfriend is really quite dowdy
Her general behaviour is rowdy
Being with her is fun
When all’s said and done
Though instead of "hello" she says "howdy".
Comments
For timeless posterity's sake wheeled
His latest creation
Across the whole nation
For timeless posterity's sake wheeled
His latest creation
Across the whole nation
Then at St. Catherine's Church by a lake kneeled.
A scientist seeking a grant
Went to visit his favourite Aunt
Went to visit his favourite Aunt
He said he could save
Many folks from the grave
Went to visit his favourite Aunt
He said he could save
Many folks from the grave
But Auntie said *O no you can't!*
Who dealt with a shady investor
The gamble paid out
‘Yippee!’ was the shout
‘Now I can move to Cirencester.’
Who was truly amazingly dim
Who was truly amazingly dim
She couldn't make beds
And mixed up the meds
Who was truly amazingly dim
She couldn't make beds
And mixed up the meds
While her manners were fearfully prim.
A Prime Minister went off to Kiev
To meet with a man called Arseniev
So he missed the red wall
And left Gove with the ball
To meet with a man called Arseniev
So he missed the red wall
And left Gove with the ball
And the poor all now sleep in a Chev.
Whose skills were not always the ripest
She couldn't find "qwerty"
Whose skills were not always the ripest
She couldn't find "qwerty"
Although she was purty*
*non-standard spelling of pretty (adjective), used to represent dialect speech.
Whose skills were not always the ripest
She couldn't find "qwerty"
Although she was purty
She left and ran off with a myopist
Who was single, but did at least seem
To pull in the chicks
There was an Old Man of East Cheam
Who was single, but did at least seem
To pull in the chickies
For cuddles and quickies
Which made the old wildebeest beam.
There was an Old Man of East Cheam
Who was single, but did at least seem
To pull in the chicks
By offering licks
Of his monster vanilla ice cream
A porter at Effingham Junction *
* A railway station south west of London but chosen because it scans nicely. It probably doesn't have porters these days.
Completely forgot how to function
Completely forgot how to function.
His wife great tears wept
To see him bereft
Completely forgot how to function.
His wife great tears wept
To see him bereft
Of his once-quite-phenomenal gumption.
Saw some passengers tripping on glue
Saw some passengers tripping on glue
Their tickets inspected,
They were swiftly ejected
Saw some passengers tripping on glue
Their tickets inspected,
They were swiftly ejected
And he called as they left, “Toodle-oo!”
There once was Renaissance Pope
There once was a Renaissance Pope
Whose Bulls were quite empty of hope
Whose Bulls were quite empty of hope
To enforce his position,
He sent the Inquisition
Which no-one expected - oh, nope!
Whose dinner was much like a pile
Whose dinner was much like a pile
He ground it to mush
Whose dinner was much like a pile
He ground it to mush
With the texture of thrush
And sipped it with straws from a vial.
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired her wiles
[Can you end this without using "esque"?]
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired [all] her wiles
[Can you end this without using "esque"?]
And ignored all their copies of Leske*
(*German - I think - mineralogist wot writ a book)
And I like the Germanic overlay from that one detail.
However...
As the resident scanning and syllable obsessive, I'm gonna defend the orginal number of words in my fourth line. To my ears, it flows the same as the third, if you pronounce "admired" as halfway between two and three syllables.
But I'll write both versions out and let the readers decide...
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired her wiles
And ignored all their copies of Leske.
A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
Got up to start dancing burlesque
The boys in the aisles
Admired all her wiles
And ignored all their copies of Leske.
Adding *all* also chimes in with my use of *all* in the final line.
There was an Old Lady of Leek*
(*town in Staffordshire)
Whose style was trendy and chic
Just so - hence our (slight) differences of opinion! Please, carry on as you were...
Whose style was trendy and chic
Her shoes were from Paris
Whose style was trendy and chic
Her shoes were from Paris
She drove a pink Yaris
Whose style was trendy and chic
Her shoes were from Paris
She drove a pink Yaris
And claimed that her name was Monique.
My girlfriend is really quite dowdy
Her general behaviour is rowdy
Her general behaviour is rowdy
Being with her is fun
When all’s said and done
Her general behaviour is rowdy
Being with her is fun
When all’s said and done
Though instead of "hello" she says "howdy".