Limerick

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  • A worthy young wheelwright from Wakefield
    For timeless posterity's sake wheeled
    His latest creation
    Across the whole nation
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A worthy young wheelwright from Wakefield
    For timeless posterity's sake wheeled
    His latest creation
    Across the whole nation
    Then at St. Catherine's Church by a lake kneeled.

    She's apparently the patron saint of wheelwrights

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate

    A scientist seeking a grant
  • A scientist seeking a grant
    Went to visit his favourite Aunt
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A scientist seeking a grant
    Went to visit his favourite Aunt
    He said he could save
    Many folks from the grave

  • A scientist seeking a grant
    Went to visit his favourite Aunt
    He said he could save
    Many folks from the grave
    But Auntie said *O no you can't!*
  • The was an old woman of Chester
    Who dealt with a shady investor
    The gamble paid out
    ‘Yippee!’ was the shout
    ‘Now I can move to Cirencester.’
  • There was once a young nurse called Kim
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    There was once a young nurse called Kim
    Who was truly amazingly dim
  • There was once a young nurse called Kim
    Who was truly amazingly dim
    She couldn't make beds
    And mixed up the meds
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There was once a young nurse called Kim
    Who was truly amazingly dim
    She couldn't make beds
    And mixed up the meds
    While her manners were fearfully prim.


    A Prime Minister went off to Kiev
  • Ex_OrganistEx_Organist Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    A Prime Minister went off to Kiev
    To meet with a man called Arseniev
    So he missed the red wall
    And left Gove with the ball
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A Prime Minister went off to Kiev
    To meet with a man called Arseniev
    So he missed the red wall
    And left Gove with the ball
    And the poor all now sleep in a Chev.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a curvy young typist
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a curvy young typist
    Whose skills were not always the ripest
    She couldn't find "qwerty"

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    There once was a curvy young typist
    Whose skills were not always the ripest
    She couldn't find "qwerty"
    Although she was purty*

    *non-standard spelling of pretty (adjective), used to represent dialect speech.
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There once was a curvy young typist
    Whose skills were not always the ripest
    She couldn't find "qwerty"
    Although she was purty
    She left and ran off with a myopist

  • There was an Old Man of East Cheam
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Man of East Cheam
    Who was single, but did at least seem
    To pull in the chicks

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    (slight alteration to my own line)

    There was an Old Man of East Cheam
    Who was single, but did at least seem
    To pull in the chickies
    For cuddles and quickies
    Which made the old wildebeest beam.



  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    @stetson reverting to your original third line:-

    There was an Old Man of East Cheam
    Who was single, but did at least seem
    To pull in the chicks
    By offering licks
    Of his monster vanilla ice cream


    A porter at Effingham Junction *

    * A railway station south west of London but chosen because it scans nicely. It probably doesn't have porters these days.
  • A porter at Effingham Junction
    Completely forgot how to function
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    A porter at Effingham Junction
    Completely forgot how to function.
    His wife great tears wept
    To see him bereft
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A porter at Effingham Junction
    Completely forgot how to function.
    His wife great tears wept
    To see him bereft
    Of his once-quite-phenomenal gumption.

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    A ticket inspector at Crewe
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    A ticket inspector at Crewe
    Saw some passengers tripping on glue

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A ticket inspector at Crewe
    Saw some passengers tripping on glue
    Their tickets inspected,
    They were swiftly ejected
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    A ticket inspector at Crewe
    Saw some passengers tripping on glue
    Their tickets inspected,
    They were swiftly ejected
    And he called as they left, “Toodle-oo!”
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate

    There once was Renaissance Pope
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    [Sorry, missed the article]

    There once was a Renaissance Pope

  • There once was a Renaissance Pope
    Whose Bulls were quite empty of hope
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There once was a Renaissance Pope
    Whose Bulls were quite empty of hope
    To enforce his position,
    He sent the Inquisition
    Which no-one expected - oh, nope!
  • There was a large man from Carlisle
    Whose dinner was much like a pile
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a large man from Carlisle
    Whose dinner was much like a pile
    He ground it to mush

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a large man from Carlisle
    Whose dinner was much like a pile
    He ground it to mush
    With the texture of thrush
    And sipped it with straws from a vial.

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    Here's a challenge...

    A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
    Got up to start dancing burlesque
    The boys in the aisles
    Admired her wiles
    [Can you end this without using "esque"?]

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
    Got up to start dancing burlesque
    The boys in the aisles
    Admired [all] her wiles
    [Can you end this without using "esque"?]
    And ignored all their copies of Leske*

    (*German - I think - mineralogist wot writ a book)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    Good one! Fits the narrative. I could only come up with
    "but the girls all just uttered 'tsk-tsk'" which sacrifices rhyme to coherency(even with "tsk" pronounced phonetically), or "though in fact she was tripping on mesc" which sacrifices coherency to rhyme.

    And I like the Germanic overlay from that one detail.

    However...

    As the resident scanning and syllable obsessive, I'm gonna defend the orginal number of words in my fourth line. To my ears, it flows the same as the third, if you pronounce "admired" as halfway between two and three syllables.

    But I'll write both versions out and let the readers decide...

    A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
    Got up to start dancing burlesque
    The boys in the aisles
    Admired her wiles
    And ignored all their copies of Leske.

    A teacher, quite bored at her desk,
    Got up to start dancing burlesque
    The boys in the aisles
    Admired all her wiles
    And ignored all their copies of Leske.
  • Ah, but I've never heard *admired* pronounced as having some sort of halfway thingy between two and three syllables, which is why I thought perhaps you'd accidentally omitted the word *all* in the white-hot fury of your composition...

    Adding *all* also chimes in with my use of *all* in the final line.

    :wink:
    There was an Old Lady of Leek*

    (*town in Staffordshire)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    @Bishops Finger

    Interesting. I've always pronounced it something like "udd MY urd". The two-syllable version sounds quite constricted to me, actually.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Lady of Leek
    Whose style was trendy and chic



  • @stetson
    Now, I'd have added *both* after *was* - do you pronounce *style* as *sty-ul*? I'm afraid I speak with a rather lazy accent...

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    @Bishops Finger

    Hm. Yeah, the way I wrote that line sounds righr to me. I'd pronounce "style" as "sty-ul", but I'd pronounce "still" as it's written, ie. one syllable. I guess you pronounce "style" like "still", except with a long "I"?
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    stetson wrote: »
    @Bishops Finger

    Hm. Yeah, the way I wrote that line sounds righr to me. I'd pronounce "style" as "sty-ul", but I'd pronounce "still" as it's written, ie. one syllable. I guess you pronounce "style" like "still", except with a long "I"?

    Just so - hence our (slight) differences of opinion! Please, carry on as you were...
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    There was an Old Lady of Leek
    Whose style was trendy and chic
    Her shoes were from Paris


  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was an Old Lady of Leek
    Whose style was trendy and chic
    Her shoes were from Paris
    She drove a pink Yaris
    I'd have put a "both" before "trendy" as well. :smile:

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Lady of Leek
    Whose style was trendy and chic
    Her shoes were from Paris
    She drove a pink Yaris
    And claimed that her name was Monique.

    My girlfriend is really quite dowdy


  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited June 2022
    My girlfriend is really quite dowdy
    Her general behaviour is rowdy
  • My girlfriend is really quite dowdy
    Her general behaviour is rowdy
    Being with her is fun
    When all’s said and done
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    My girlfriend is really quite dowdy
    Her general behaviour is rowdy
    Being with her is fun
    When all’s said and done
    Though instead of "hello" she says "howdy".
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