Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • I’m sure we will never know…
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Because it was hidings its secrets from nosy geologists.
  • It's a magma enigma
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    My local paper has reminded me that this month marks the 40th anniversary of the classic headline:
    Headless Body in Topless Bar
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    And, in more current headlines, Wales Online has been pulling out all the stops!
    Tree crashes onto second home months after neighbour almost killed by tree fall

    Raising the obvious questions: how does a tree fall twice? And who were the idiots who set it back up after it fell the first time?

    Also, a lovely typo:
    Dancing on Ice finalist announces spilt from husband after ‘life gets in the way’

    Personally, I find it very hard to stand on skates, so being spilt on to the ice is fairly common for me, but I suppose it is newsworthy if it happens to more skilled skaters.
  • From an on-line newspaper in Ontario: "Police pursue Cambridge man with stolen catalytic converter". If this had been in the USA they'd have been using guns, but really, they shouldn't have stolen it.
  • From an on-line newspaper in Ontario: "Police pursue Cambridge man with stolen catalytic converter". If this had been in the USA they'd have been using guns, but really, they shouldn't have stolen it.

    They were taking it back to the precinct to put it in evidence.
  • Hedgehog wrote: »
    And, in more current headlines, Wales Online has been pulling out all the stops!
    Tree crashes onto second home months after neighbour almost killed by tree fall

    Raising the obvious questions: how does a tree fall twice? And who were the idiots who set it back up after it fell the first time?

    You'd be surprised. When I was about ten, a two-story-tall eucalyptus fell and hit the house just below my upper-story bedroom window. My folks had it re-placed upright and staked (why why why) and it promptly went down again. (Had only about three feet of root depth, California rainstorm) This time they got rid of it.
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    edited April 2023
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    (Bold type fixed, Wesley J, Circus Host)
  • Spiders are stuck in a web of misinformation: scientists hope to free them

    I hesitate to ask…
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    mousethief wrote: »
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    It's actually worth reading in all its weird glory! A true freak accident. Do NOT store bottle rockets near a fire. Although the ramen couldn't be saved, the man in question wasn't seriously injured. :D
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Couldn't he have cooked it in a saucepan like a normal person? :mrgreen:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    From DeutscheWelle:

    Spain buries fascist leader Primo de Rivera for 5th time

    This time they are SURE he is dead.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    (Bold type fixed, Wesley J, Circus Host)

    Surely the "accidentally" is unnecessary?
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Gee D wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    (Bold type fixed, Wesley J, Circus Host)

    Surely the "accidentally" is unnecessary?
    You might think so, but it’s a strange old world.
  • This is a subheading from what is actually a sad story in "Wales Online", but it amused me: "A large police presence was reported in the village". Presumably smaller police were elsewhere.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    edited April 2023
    BroJames wrote: »
    Gee D wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    (Bold type fixed, Wesley J, Circus Host)

    Surely the "accidentally" is unnecessary?
    You might think so, but it’s a strange old world.

    I suppose you're right. From Taiwan? It seems to be the source of many crazes and this may become the latest.
  • Gee D wrote: »
    BroJames wrote: »
    Gee D wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    (Bold type fixed, Wesley J, Circus Host)

    Surely the "accidentally" is unnecessary?
    You might think so, but it’s a strange old world.

    I suppose you're right. From Taiwan? It seems to be the source of many crazes and this may become the latest.

    Autotesticularrocketus?
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    Gee D wrote: »
    BroJames wrote: »
    Gee D wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets

    Couldn't find this story in the mainstream news but it's on a ton of news-of-the-weird sites, and mentioned on Reddit and Twitter (which proves something).

    (Bold type fixed, Wesley J, Circus Host)

    Surely the "accidentally" is unnecessary?
    You might think so, but it’s a strange old world.

    I suppose you're right. From Taiwan? It seems to be the source of many crazes and this may become the latest.

    Autotesticularrocketus?

    Full marks for that, and you can go to the top of the class.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Piglet wrote: »
    Couldn't he have cooked it in a saucepan like a normal person? :mrgreen:
    Brilliant! :D
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited April 2023
    From the Daily Telegraph, a sad event apparently, but still somewhat weird:
    Cambridge should have given student Jared Ndisang a break in studies before he died, says mother
    Giving someone a break after their demise always seems poor timing.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Mastercard's probe disclosure clouds profit beat

    Headline courtesy of Reuters. Posted simply because of the ridiculous amount of time it took me to decode what it was the headline was saying.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    With additional confusion for English speakers in England who would normally use ‘beaten’. In that context.

    ‘profit beat’ made me think ‘profit’ was functioning adjectivally in relation to ‘beat’ used as a noun.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    BroJames wrote: »
    ‘profit beat’ made me think ‘profit’ was functioning adjectivally in relation to ‘beat’ used as a noun.

    Actually, by my reading, that is exactly what is happening. Mastercard had a profit expectation for the first quarter, but they earned more than expected. This has been dubbed a "profit beat" where beat (noun, not a verb) is modified by profit. What would otherwise be good news for the company, though, has been downgraded by an event that "clouds" (verb, not plural noun). The event that caused that was the company disclosing that it is the subject of a federal investigation--a probe (noun, not verb). The disclosure of the probe has clouded the joy of the "profit beat."

    Did I mention the ridiculous amount of time I spent decoding it?
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Oh yes. I see. You’re quite right. I misread the story.
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    Stone of Destiny heads south for coronation
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    As long as they remember to give it back! :mrgreen:
  • Heard on the BBC Radio 4 news yesterday, "The Pope arrived at the [Hungarian] Presidential palace and was given a royal welcome". Er: I think not.
  • Just come across this when browsing a local estate agent's website: "Newly constructed log cabin can be found to the rear of the garden offering power and light socks".
  • Presumably to aid dancing in the dark?
  • One must wonder ...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Is that estate-agent-speak for white socks??? Must be in Essex ... :mrgreen:
  • No, I think they mean "sockets".
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    What do you have to plant in the garden for it to offer power and light socks? I suppose you could plant cotton to use to make the socks. They would be lighter than wool socks. But for power? Do you plant bulbs and hope?
  • The LED ones will take ages to germinate, I fear.
  • From BBC website: "Crowds descend on Buckingham Palace".

    I hope the roof is strong enough.
  • From Wales Online: "Rare chance to own dream home with pool on one of Wales' most expensive streets". Won't the pool get in the way of the traffic? Or at least dampen it?
  • From "Wales Online" again: The £19 flight from Cardiff Airport that will take you to one of Spain's most popular beaches.

    They'll need to clear away the sunbeds to allow it to land.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Good lord - are they still doing cheapie flights? Do you have to flap your own wings?

    It should be noted that the airport it takes you to is probably in Croatia ... :mrgreen:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From Wales Online: "Rare chance to own dream home with pool on one of Wales' most expensive streets". Won't the pool get in the way of the traffic? Or at least dampen it?

    Just a big pothole perhaps?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Wales Online delivers again:

    Boy, six, scalped in attack by Staffie just bought off Facebook for £200

    Presumably, the boy would have brought more on Facebook if he had not been damaged goods.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    From Hello online:
    Sophie-Alexandra Evekink, 33, tied the knot with Prince Ludwig in a stunning wedding dress ...

    I'm sure he must have looked lovely! :naughty:
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Note to self, do not drink tea whilst reading this thread. :anguished:
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    The Dundee Courier has an article on by-gone playground equipment, which wouldn't meet modern health and safety standards. It's headed "Did you survive Dundee's Death swing at Finlathen Park Adventure Playground?"

    Presumably anyone reading this article did survive. Or do they think some victims of the "death swing" are reading the Courier in the hereafter?

    A theological point to ponder - would the availability of the Dundee Courier in the afterlife imply that one was in Heaven, or in Hell?
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited May 2023
    Some people might presumably ask the same question while still in "this" life. I suppose the answer would depends on which part of the city one comes from.

    (NB I've never been to Dundee).
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    (NB I've never been to Dundee).

    You do not know what you are missing!!!

  • Well, not the marmalade which isn't made there any more.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I have a feeling my big brother worked briefly for the Dundee Courier in his younger days. AFAIK I've only been there once, when I was a student in Aberdeen about forty-mumble years ago.

    However, David got a parking ticket from a company called Town & Country Parking for a parking violation in Dundee 11 years ago. We had a hire car and hadn't been anywhere near Dundee; in fact at the time of the alleged offence, the car was (quite legally) parked outside St Magnus Cathedral, where David was playing the organ for my mum's funeral, a fact which he pointed out could have been corroborated by at least 50 or 60 of the great and the good of Kirkwall. Town & Country seemed reluctant to believe him, and insisted on a copy of the Pentland Ferries manifest which proved that we had, in fact, been in Orkney on the days surrounding the "offence" and couldn't have got to Dundee in between. They grudgingly refunded the money they'd taken from our credit card, as if they were doing us a huge favour!
  • Not really a headline as such, but Raith Rovers have announced the re-signing of striker Liam Dick with the headline...




    ....You can see where this is going, can't you?




    Dick extension.
  • Not really a headline as such, but Raith Rovers have announced the re-signing of striker Liam Dick with the headline...




    ....You can see where this is going, can't you?




    Dick extension.

    ...and here it is for proof: https://twitter.com/RaithRovers/status/1658517679987097606
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