Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From today's "i": "Noble Mark can make the most of bottom weight".

    Sadly, Mark is a racehorse.

    Is the rider sitting upside down, under the horse's belly? I hear that can happen if you don't fasten the saddle straps tight enough.
  • "6000 year old remains in Taiwan cave"

    I bet this was the guy Plato wrote about.
  • From the "Rail Advent" website: "Talyllyn Railway and Brecon Cathedral awarded share of £260,000 National Lottery grant". Bizarre conflation!
  • The most exciting headline on "Wales Online": "Usual slow traffic in Cardiff".
  • Is this thread chopped liver? Why do we need a new headline thread?
  • I gather this one is for headlines that are funny in themselves, while the other one takes a normal headline and then makes a joke off of it. It seems something of a hairline distinction to me. It would help if the other thread had a more descriptive title....but I can't think what. "Headoneliners"?

    Tsk. My German roots are showing.
  • HugalHugal Shipmate
    Yep this thread is for real headlines.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    I've changed the title of the other one.

    la vie en rouge, Circus host
  • Seen on the "Rail Advent" website (yes, I know ...): "New cycle hub opens at Salisbury station".

    They won't get very far with that!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    You spoke well, BT! :)
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited December 2022
    From BBC Website: "RMT rejects offer aimed at stopping festive strikes".

    Well, we know what they mean - but how can a strike be festive?

    (Note to non-Brits: the RMT are a rail-workers' union who are currently engaged in a pay dispute).
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Not a headline, but a slightly innuendo-laden ad from an e-mail I received the other day:
    BushWear: Sausage Stuffer with FREE Burger Press
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    The mind boggles!
  • Not weird, but amusing and endearing...

    Dog Accidentally Joins Half-Marathon When Let Out For A Pee And Places 7th
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    Not weird, but amusing and endearing...

    Dog Accidentally Joins Half-Marathon When Let Out For A Pee And Places 7th

    Thank s for this - and it is endearing.
  • "Arteta keeps the faith in Arsenal’s resurrection despite absence of Jesus"

    (https://www.theguardian.com/football/2022/dec/25/mikel-arteta-arsenal-gabriel-jesus-keep-faith)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Brilliant! :D
  • From BBC Website: "RMT rejects offer aimed at stopping festive strikes".

    Well, we know what they mean - but how can a strike be festive?

    At the risk of being tedious, I might quote a letter printed in the Glasgow Herald some years ago:

    I got a cheery e-mail this morning from them headed: Festive Travel Information from First ScotRail.

    Yes - it was a long list of carefully planned aggravation and misery to be inflicted on anyone daft enough to even think about travelling by train for the next few weeks. Essentially, it says that the train you wanted probably won't be running, and if it is, it's going somewhere else at a different time, and will probably be a bus. What really caused me to honk into my porridge this morning was the use of the phrase "Festive engineering works", as in, "Away from the Glasgow area additional festive engineering works will impact services on the routes with the dates shown below". I'm an engineer. I can tell you authoritatively that there's no such damn thing as festive engineering works and there never has been, and as a hardened Scotrail passenger I know it even better. Festive humbug. Thank you for your kind attention.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited January 2023
    From the BBC's website:
    Girl group Flo win the BBC Sound of 2023
    It's only the seventh of January - how can they possibly know what the "sound of 2023" is yet? :confused:
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Maybe they're psychic - or could it be that if it's named as the best sound of 2023 it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. :confused:
  • Piglet wrote: »
    From the BBC's website:
    Girl group Flo win the BBC Sound of 2023
    It's only the seventh of January - how can they possibly know what the "sound of 2023 is yet? :confused:

    Yes it is weird, but I think the "Sound of " is more about talent that will be heard a lot throughout the year. That will be seen at the end as "Best of".
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Ah - I think I see what you mean.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Huia wrote: »
    Maybe they're psychic - or could it be that if it's named as the best sound of 2023 it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. :confused:

    Of course!

    Yes it is weird, but I think you mean "is more about talent that will be heard a lot throughout the year. That will be seen at the end as "Best of".

    I think you mean more about "talent" that will be heard.
  • I have always been amused that a movie that is released, oh, January 2, tends to run ads declaring it to be the Best Movie of the Year. Can't say they are lying. It tends to be the only movie, so far, of the year.
  • Suspicious Death Investigation Underway in Algona

    Does anybody really know what this death investigation entails? Who's doing it? Why are they doing it? Why now?
  • From BBC Wales: "NHS: Stop smoking and exercise to help - health minister".

    I don't think that's quite what she meant ...
  • That explains the sudden decline in gym memberships!
  • Well it might do - if anyone believes that people listen to politicians' advice!
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    edited January 2023
    Resale prices of designer bags fall and Taco Bell brings back wings

    Are those related? Strange pairing if not.
  • From BBC News website: "Zahawi 'did not meet standards expected of minsters'". Presumably he didn't have the right kind of spire?
  • The nave!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    He did a-spire, but by no means in-spire.
  • [Groan]
  • North East QuineNorth East Quine Purgatory Host
    edited February 2023
    Today's Dundee Evening Telegraph -Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.
    And the subheading - Perv pilfered pants from washing lines to dress blow-up doll.
    There's a photo of the Knicker-knocker himself, plus a photo of what appears to be a deflated blow-up doll. The doll looks less deflated than the young man who has found himself front-page news.
  • Today's Dundee Evening Telegraph -Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.
    And the subheading - Perv pilfered pants from washing lines to dress blow-up doll.
    There's a photo of the Knicker-knocker himself, plus a photo of what appears to be a deflated blow-up doll. The doll looks less deflated than the young man who has found himself front-page news.

    The news room are probably feeling rather proud of themselves for dreaming up that one!
  • But why is he a knicker-knocker rather than a knicker-nicker? Is that a difference Dundonian and English usage?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I was wondering just that!
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    But why is he a knicker-knocker rather than a knicker-nicker? Is that a difference Dundonian and English usage?
    Perhaps because he knocks off knickers.(Perhaps the knocked off knickers were knackered and punctured the perv’s plastic paramour.)
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Today's Dundee Evening Telegraph -Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.
    And the subheading - Perv pilfered pants from washing lines to dress blow-up doll.
    There's a photo of the Knicker-knocker himself, plus a photo of what appears to be a deflated blow-up doll. The doll looks less deflated than the young man who has found himself front-page news.

    What appalling journalism.
  • Gee D wrote: »
    Today's Dundee Evening Telegraph -Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.
    And the subheading - Perv pilfered pants from washing lines to dress blow-up doll.
    There's a photo of the Knicker-knocker himself, plus a photo of what appears to be a deflated blow-up doll. The doll looks less deflated than the young man who has found himself front-page news.

    What appalling journalism.
    I quite agree. They should have also presented the doll's side of the story.

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    What puzzles me is, how did he know the right size of knickers to nick for the pre-deflated doll? It all sounds excruciatingly exhausting to me! He ought to have knocked it off before getting nicked, himself.
  • Today's Dundee Evening Telegraph -Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.
    And the subheading - Perv pilfered pants from washing lines to dress blow-up doll.
    There's a photo of the Knicker-knocker himself, plus a photo of what appears to be a deflated blow-up doll. The doll looks less deflated than the young man who has found himself front-page news.

    Oh, Arnold Layne
    It's not the same.
  • Today's Dundee Evening Telegraph -Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.
    And the subheading - Perv pilfered pants from washing lines to dress blow-up doll.
    There's a photo of the Knicker-knocker himself, plus a photo of what appears to be a deflated blow-up doll. The doll looks less deflated than the young man who has found himself front-page news.

    This makes me think of the movie Lars and the Real Girl - which is quite wonderful, even though the premise at first seem very... odd.
  • Not exactly a headline, but there is an interesting juxtaposition on the BBC News page. There is a section that lists the "most watched" video stories. Currently, #1 is "Woman trampled by moose while walking dog" while #5 is "Canadian man rescues moose with bare hands."

    Although, now that I think about it, what was a moose doing walking a dog in the first place?
  • I saw that video of the woman being knocked down yesterday - surprised she wasn’t more injured. Didn’t notice the headline though.
  • I didn't know moose HAD hands! But if they did, surely they would wear gloves...though not made from moose fur.

    Is outrage!
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Hedgehog wrote: »

    Although, now that I think about it, what was a moose doing walking a dog in the first place?

    Mooses are very thoughtful and kind creatures. It thought that the dog really wanted and needed a walk, but that it was too cold for the dog's carers to be out walking it - so it took on the task.
  • The5thMary wrote: »
    I didn't know moose HAD hands! But if they did, surely they would wear gloves...though not made from moose fur.

    Is outrage!

    Bullwinkle has hands. That proves it.
  • I've never been able to dissociate moose with this ad:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrHNpvX_tvQ
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    I'm not surprised - it's brilliant.
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