Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • How come the police didn't find the stash when it was in the loft? Enquiring minds need to know...

    Ah! I've got it - the police who are authorised to climb ladders were staffing the new border posts, which presumably have machine-gun towers...
  • No - she wouldn't let them go into the loft (perhaps they didn't have search warrants, or she "convinced" them that there was nothing up there). Anyway, they came back later ...

    PS The border posts do not have machine-gun towers. Instead, they are equipped with a good supply of rugby balls, pelting of the English by the guards for (mind you, they can only afford little ones: https://tinyurl.com/y4rw6pph).
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited October 2020
    /further tangent alert/

    ISTM that the border posts would be quite effective, if staffed by Dragons, well-fed on good Welsh steam coal, if such is still to be had...
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited October 2020
    I think so: Tower colliery closed in 2008 and Aberpergwyn in 2015, though coal stocks from the latter are still available. However there is open-cast mining at Cwmbargoed and I have actually seen coal trains running through Queen Street station.

    However I fear we must revert to the Straight and Narrow otherwise we shall be admomished by Other Dragons aka Hosts.
  • Took me a while to figure out who did what to whom. But then, I'm old and slow. WaPo heading this morning:

    Mother of unarmed man killed by Baltimore County police officer files federal suit

    A few years ago I was pulled over by a grumpy cop. I was not packing heat. I was on my way to church to play a New Year's Day service. Reason for pull-over was my license plate sticker was ONE DAY past legal. Expired 12/31/ (I forget the year). I was told to "keep both hands on the steering wheel", and was questioned (he wasn't kidding) about
    driving around after an all night party. He thought the church story was a lie and told me he COULD take me to jail. Etc, Etc. I was given a hefty fine & had to make a court appearance.
  • On the NewsNet channel this morning:

    Wisconsin and Nebraska canceled

    Thank God. They both voted for you-know-who in 2016.

    (Yes, I know they meant football.)
  • From BBC website: Ministers striving to avoid blanket rules.

    Now this is ridiculous. How do they know that it's Ministers who are trying to avoid the rules - it's an unwarranted slur against Nonconformists. What about Vicars, Bishops, Rabbis and Imams, eh?

    Anyway, we don't use blankets in our house, we have a duvet. But, if we did, I'd use those woolly ones with lots of tiny holes (they kept me very cosy as a child) and hang the rules.
  • So long as the blankets are the liturgically correct color, I see no problem.
  • Nonconformists don't do the colours.
  • Nor do they hear the Baby Jesus and his Blessed Mother crying.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    The first rule of blanket is You do not talk about blanket...
  • And you don't tell anyone that you're not allowed to talk about it ...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Independent:
    Policing unit impeding key law change for return of fans to stadiums

    Apparently they're talking about units of booze. Still weird though.
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    From the Independent:
    Policing unit impeding key law change for return of fans to stadiums

    Apparently they're talking about units of booze. Still weird though.

    So, what unit is a policing unit? 750ml? 1 pint?
  • Well, we clearly don't need fans back in stadiums at this time of year. It's autumn - heaters woulkd probably be more appropriate.
  • And how does impeding a change to the key law help fans returning to the stadium? Does the proposed change to the law allow keys to lock the fans out? And shouldn't the law be directed more to the locksmiths rather than the keys?
  • To continue the local penguin saga: the home page of the BBC news website has "penguin pincher picks up prison sentence". https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-54748443

    I imagine someone had great fun dreaming that one up, and getting the chocolate biscuit reference in.
  • Regarding fans in stadia: Are they the hand-held kind? With a Funeral Home ad on one side, and the instruction "Please leave this fan on your seat when you depart" ?
  • https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54780430

    A Dutch train has ended up on a whale sculpture, after going through the barriers. The pictures are quite incredible!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    edited November 2020
    Pendragon wrote: »
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54780430

    A Dutch train has ended up on a whale sculpture, after going through the barriers. The pictures are quite incredible!
    The accident apparently happened at the tail end of the day.
  • Hedgehog wrote: »
    Pendragon wrote: »
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54780430

    A Dutch train has ended up on a whale sculpture, after going through the barriers. The pictures are quite incredible!
    The accident apparently happened at the tail end of the day.

    That was a whale of a pun.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    The driver was saved by a colossal fluke!
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    edited November 2020
    'The police may be asked to stop people escaping to Wales' (The Guardian). But what if they're on a crashing train?
  • If you want to get from north Wales to south Wales by train, you have to go via England (since Dr Beeching's time).
  • Pendragon wrote: »
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54780430

    A Dutch train has ended up on a whale sculpture, after going through the barriers. The pictures are quite incredible!

    Most of the comments here are better than the headlines I have seen. But I am not sure that there is a headline to do full justice to this story.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Where's the roll eyes smiley when you need one? From (of course) the Guardian:
    Boris and Keir lock tepid horns on lockdown in parliament
  • There was an absolutely fabulous chyron on the bottom of this screen, concerning Trump. Take a look at the last two words in conjunction with the man's expression: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/El9v6W5W0AALvYq?format=jpg&name=medium
  • There was an absolutely fabulous chyron on the bottom of this screen, concerning Trump. Take a look at the last two words in conjunction with the man's expression: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/El9v6W5W0AALvYq?format=jpg&name=medium

    That's a scream.
  • Not so much a weird headline but rather quite a sweet one
    Bridport couple become Mr and Mrs White-Christmas
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-54822289
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Very nice indeed! Although, as another twist, I was wondering whether they might have been of African or Caribbean or South Asian origin. :)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I used to know a Mr. Topp whose wife's maiden name was Sidebottom. :mrgreen:
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    From People, via Yahoo:

    Idaho Man Banned from Yellowstone National Park for Attempting to Cook Chickens in Hot Spring.
  • Hot sauce would have resulted in a tastier dish.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    LOL. Well, I read the article, and the guy at least was wise and courteous enough to put each of the two chickens in a (burlap?) bag.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Ew! Some of the chemicals in those hot pools are nasty! :confounded:
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    One of the chemicals is being tested for something to be used with Covid. (Not part of the chicken story.)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    If the Yellowstone hot springs are made of the same stuff as the ones in Iceland, you really wouldn't want to cook anything in them.

    As my dear, late Beloved put it, "it smells like a goat that's been eating curried asparagus". I'm not sure on what authority he based that description, but it seems about right.
  • From the Ayrshire Daily News: "South Ayrshire Golf club owner loses 2020 presidential election".
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Love it!
  • From the Ayrshire Daily News: "South Ayrshire Golf club owner loses 2020 presidential election".

    Brilliant
  • Whoever thought that one up deserves a bonus!
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    I second that.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited November 2020
    Then there's the (presumably) apocryphal tale of when the Titanic sank, the headline in the Aberdeen Press and Journal was: Aberdeen Man Lost at Sea
  • Reminds me of a headline in the Charlotte, North Carolina, Charlotte Observer.

    The occasion was when the utterly despicable late (but not late enough), decidedly un-great senator from North Carolina, Jesse Helms, was slated to receive a heart valve transplant. "Jesse Helms to receive new heart valve," the headline read. Scanning the article, one learned that the heart valve would come from a pig and that Helms could live for an additional ten years after receiving the transplant.

    I always thought the headline should read instead: "Pig to be sacrificed so that Jesse Helms can live for another ten years."
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Reminds me of a headline in the Charlotte, North Carolina, Charlotte Observer.

    The occasion was when the utterly despicable late (but not late enough), decidedly un-great senator from North Carolina, Jesse Helms, was slated to receive a heart valve transplant. "Jesse Helms to receive new heart valve," the headline read. Scanning the article, one learned that the heart valve would come from a pig and that Helms could live for an additional ten years after receiving the transplant.

    I always thought the headline should read instead: "Pig to be sacrificed so that Jesse Helms can live for another ten years."
    Did he eat the rest of it?

  • The NewsNet TV channel crawl continues its coverage of their favorite group:

    RECORDING REVEALS WHO'S ANALYSIS OF PANDEMIC IN PRIVATE

    At their age, they have a right to be concerned, but really? A recording?
  • From "Wales Online": Van driver stopped using mobile phone. Well, there's a thing!
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    It's obvious - the phone emitted some barely detectable waves which interfered with the car's ignition system. Another reason to buy a model with diesel operation.
  • Or to leave the cursed instrument in its scabbard while you're driving. Whatever did we do in the old days?
  • I was reviewing the Reuters News Agency COVID-19 tracking page. And I came across this description of infections in the USA:

    "At peak and rising."

    Ummmmmmmmmmm, oooookay. Tricky to do both.
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