Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    edited January 2021
    That's better. Just don't be too demanding of them.
  • Passing, not pasting.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    This soon will paste.
  • Front page of today's "South Wales Echo": Murder probe after man found dead. Well, yes: there wouldn't be much point in murder-probing if he'd been found alive.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Not a headline, but a street sign that was at an intersection in my community up until about a year ago. Not sure why it was removed.

    Every time I went by, I wondered how one enforced a High Collision Location.

    Hold a Monster Truck Rally there? Or a demolition derby?
  • Front page of today's "South Wales Echo": Murder probe after man found dead. Well, yes: there wouldn't be much point in murder-probing if he'd been found alive.

    Maybe the murder probe was the instrument of his death?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited February 2021
    A headline from the New York Times:
    Wisconsin pharmacist who destroyed more than 500 vaccine doses believes Earth is flat, FBI says

    I'm trying to find a reason why a flat-earth believer may want to destroy 500 vaccine doses. Would they fall off the planet, and he is pro-environment?
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    He reportedly thought the vaccine was dangerous. Perhaps we should be glad he didn't dump it over the edge of the flat earth. If there is anyone else out there, it might fall !plop! on *their* flat world, and they would not be happy campers.

    (Adjusting for possibility of stacked flat worlds (flat pack? IKEA is making worlds now?); possible gravity differentials; residents of other planet living underground; Terry Pratchett tweaking the plot; etc.)
    ;)
  • Perhaps those other flat worlds stacked under ours are virus-free, in which case they wouldn't need the vaccine. I'm sure the the pharmacist thought of that.

    Then again, if that's really the case, I may jump off the edge myself and take my chances.
  • Flat pack worlds would be so hilarious.
  • Flat pack worlds would be so hilarious.

    Makes me wish I were a cartoonist. One can imagine God sitting on his living room floor with an empty cardboard carton, a pile of boards, a little bag of fasteners, and an inscrutable sheet of instructions. He is shouting, "Part C? There is no Part C!"
  • Lamb ChoppedLamb Chopped Shipmate
    edited February 2021
    No, that would have to be Lego. With naked mini-figs!

    Oh, and what WOULD Ikea call the world flatpack? Got to have a great name...
  • No, that would have to be Lego. With naked mini-figs!

    Oh, and what WOULD Ikea call the world flatpack? Got to have a great name...

    Gløb
  • mousethief wrote: »
    No, that would have to be Lego. With naked mini-figs!

    Oh, and what WOULD Ikea call the world flatpack? Got to have a great name...

    Gløb

    Depending on the pronunciation, that either brings us full circle to a globe or to the equally delightful image of the Genesis 2 God making mudpies!
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    "It's turtles all the way down!.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Re mudpies:

    One of my favorite Creator-God things is James Weldon Johnson's poem "The Creation" (Poets.org).

    I saw a symphonic performance of this on TV once. (Maybe Boston Pops?) Anyway, the performer acted it all out, right down to God getting down in the (invisible) mud to make humans. Delightful and powerful.
  • Meanwhile, back in the Headlines of Utter Weirdness Department . . .

    On tonight's TV news crawl, ABC I think:

    Firefighters rescue dog after falling off cliff

    If I were a firefighter just picking myself up after having fallen off a cliff, rescuing dogs would not be the first thing I would think of doing.
  • Golden Key wrote: »
    Re mudpies:

    One of my favorite Creator-God things is James Weldon Johnson's poem "The Creation" (Poets.org).

    I saw a symphonic performance of this on TV once. (Maybe Boston Pops?) Anyway, the performer acted it all out, right down to God getting down in the (invisible) mud to make humans. Delightful and powerful.

    (Sorry, Amanda, just have to come back to this one last time)
    Thanks, Golden Key. Absolutely glorious!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    CNN has this:
    Scores of people feared dead after glacier falls into river and crashes through dam
    ... which I think is not quite what happened: the (entire?) glacier itself didn't crash through the dam, it was the resulting floodwave after a chunk of the glacier had broken off.
  • On tonight's ABC newscast:

    3 rescued after 33 days on island

    Yes, that's time enough for anyone to spend on an island, let alone a ménage à trois.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Was it meant to be a three-hour tour, a la "Gilligan's Island"?
    ;)
  • Excitement in East Anglia (from the "Ipswich Star": Further bin disruption looms for Suffolk households (because of the snow).
  • Oh good Lord! If my household bins were to be disrupted, it would be the end of me! I'm so glad I don't live in Suffolk.
  • Try this: Pervert jailed for rubbing courgette through leggings in Hereford

    You can enjoy (!) the full story here.
  • I'd be surprised to see courgettes on any Hereford menu ever again!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    ... 3 rescued after 33 days on island

    Yes, that's time enough for anyone to spend on an island ...
    Not at all; I grew up on a beautiful island, and would happily spend 33 days on it again!
  • Many people live on islands. Long Island, Vancouver Island, many islands in Greece, and throughout the world. Britain is an island.
  • That doesn't mean they don't need rescuing.

    Meanwhile, in the No sh*t Sherlock department:

    Water freezes instantly when it hits cold air

    I mean, who knew?
  • That doesn't mean they don't need rescuing.

    Meanwhile, in the No sh*t Sherlock department:

    Water freezes instantly when it hits cold air

    I mean, who knew?

    We have cold air all winter here, but never cold enough to freeze water.
  • edited February 2021
    Likewise. But the venue to which the headline referred clearly did. A copywriter with his wits about him would probably have written Water freezes instantly when it hits subfreezing air but he may have been facing a space limitation.

    At any rate, it must have been a very slow news day for anyone to think that such a story merited attention.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    Many people live on islands. Long Island, Vancouver Island, many islands in Greece, and throughout the world. Britain is an island.

    Oz is an island, the only continent which is definitely so.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Maybe they were trying to warn readers not to wash windows or run through sprinklers?
  • I never run through sprinklers in subzero temperatures. I think that's good advice for any of us.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Excitement in East Anglia (from the "Ipswich Star": Further bin disruption looms for Suffolk households (because of the snow).

    I wonder what 'fruit of the loom' the gov't wants Suffolk householders to weave from bin disruptions, by handing out looms. Interesting recycling approach, though.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    mousethief wrote: »
    I never run through sprinklers in subzero temperatures. I think that's good advice for any of us.

    Could make for a nice video, though, especially with the flip-flop kind of sprinkler: it arches up; person runs under; water starts freezing; sprinkler tries to flop the other way; water freezes halfway across, spilling in all directions.

    Of course, the person may have frozen into a snow person by then.
  • "I always wanted to feel what hail was like."
  • From BBC website: Park celebrates pancake tortoise breeding success.

    Who knew that there was such a thing as a Pancake Tortoise? Apparently they have very flat shells.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
  • Park celebrates pancake tortoise breeding success.

    I'm glad former South Korean president Park Geun-hye has found something to do now that she's out of office.
  • If the breeding is very successful, one imagines that they'll sell like hotcakes!
  • I'm mildly surprised that no-one else has mentioned this yet:

    '6.2cm-tall man' offered priority Covid vaccine after NHS blunder.
  • I'm mildly surprised that no-one else has mentioned this yet:

    '6.2cm-tall man' offered priority Covid vaccine after NHS blunder.

    I am reminded of Teeny Little Super Guy.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited February 2021
    From "Wales Online": "The Grade II listed thatched cottage with woodland walks on its doorstep". Which poses two questions. 1. If the walks are on the doorstep, aren't they going to be very short ones? 2. If the doorstep is covered in trees, how does one get in and out of the house?
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Maybe it's the woodland that walks? Like the Ents in LOTR?
  • From "Wales Online": "The Grade II listed thatched cottage with woodland walks on its doorstep". Which poses two questions. 1. If the walks are on the doorstep, aren't they going to be very short ones? 2. If the doorstep is covered in trees, how does one get in and out of the house?
    And if the doorstep is considered part of the cottage, isn't that like stepping on your own feet?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Golden Key wrote: »
    Maybe it's the woodland that walks? Like the Ents in LOTR?
    Or like Birnham Wood in Macbeth?
  • Piglet wrote: »
    Golden Key wrote: »
    Maybe it's the woodland that walks? Like the Ents in LOTR?
    Or like Birnham Wood in Macbeth?

    That was just guys carrying branches. In LotR, the trees themselves actually walk.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the realm of the blatantly obvious, in the Washington Post:
    Accidental gender-reveal explosion kills an expectant father in New York: ‘This shouldn’t have happened’

    It ain't what they expected.
  • I was cruising through some little church home pages in my diocese & ....its a good thing I didn't have a mouth full of liquid-
    continuing my little story: Church was writing about a service....and said this- music was provided by Mr. Ed
    (lastname)

    Any of you remember Mister Ed? Struck me funny.
  • Will-burrrrrrr
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