Um,... is there something you want to share with the class?
I think by now everyone here knows that I have a mind like a poorly-maintained cesspit. If I feel something is in poor taste.... then it really shouldn't have been shared! Especially as I thought of an even worse response this morning.
Doggers. If you must exercise your bizarre exhibitionist tendencies choose somewhere other than the church car-park please 😈🤣😱
I thought the church was in need of funds? Get a webcam and a monetised livestream. God knows why, but there's a demand for this sort of thing. Personally if I want to see a saggy middle aged arse I just need a mirror, but where there's muck there's brass.
Doggers. If you must exercise your bizarre exhibitionist tendencies choose somewhere other than the church car-park please 😈🤣😱
I thought the church was in need of funds? Get a webcam and a monetised livestream. God knows why, but there's a demand for this sort of thing. Personally if I want to see a saggy middle aged arse I just need a mirror, but where there's muck there's brass.
Funnily enough our more feisty Churchwarden has "donated" a CCTV set-up with the intention of forwarding footage to the local constabulary. If that doesn't work then maybe a still photograph or two (number plates pixellated of course) with accompanying text in the local paper along the lines of St X church is anxious to contact the driver of this/these cars since they may hold the clue to help track down vandals. 😈
Doggers. If you must exercise your bizarre exhibitionist tendencies choose somewhere other than the church car-park please 😈🤣😱
I thought the church was in need of funds? Get a webcam and a monetised livestream. God knows why, but there's a demand for this sort of thing. Personally if I want to see a saggy middle aged arse I just need a mirror, but where there's muck there's brass.
Funnily enough our more feisty Churchwarden has "donated" a CCTV set-up with the intention of forwarding footage to the local constabulary. If that doesn't work then maybe a still photograph or two (number plates pixellated of course) with accompanying text in the local paper along the lines of St X church is anxious to contact the driver of this/these cars since they may hold the clue to help track down vandals. 😈
Doggers. If you must exercise your bizarre exhibitionist tendencies choose somewhere other than the church car-park please 😈🤣😱
I thought the church was in need of funds? Get a webcam and a monetised livestream. God knows why, but there's a demand for this sort of thing. Personally if I want to see a saggy middle aged arse I just need a mirror, but where there's muck there's brass.
Puts me in mind of something I'm not going to link to (otherwise I'd have to host myself ) but a search on YouTube of "Fascinating Aida dogging song" will render results which are definitely not work-safe and likely to cause offence. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Puts me in mind of something I'm not going to link to (otherwise I'd have to host myself ) but a search on YouTube of "Fascinating Aida dogging song" will render results which are definitely not work-safe and likely to cause offence. Don't say I didn't warn you.
*Considers that a bloody good reason to hit YouTube*
@Sandemaniac - does the Oxford Mail reporter use that hallowed phrase *at this point our reporter left*...?
I don't know, as I don't subscribe to the website I generally just see the headlines. Though given that most of their "news" seems to be culled from local TwiX feeds, I doubt they ever leave the home office these days.
Conversation heard between two work colleagues a few years ago:
Older woman: I don’t think of myself as old, you know. Certainly not old fashioned.
Younger woman: No, I’m sure you’re not.
OW: I mean, my husband and I are really quite, well, imaginative.
YW: Why, do you go dogging or something?
OW: [slightly puzzled] No, we have two cats.
Conversation heard between two work colleagues a few years ago:
Older woman: I don’t think of myself as old, you know. Certainly not old fashioned.
Younger woman: No, I’m sure you’re not.
OW: I mean, my husband and I are really quite, well, imaginative.
YW: Why, do you go dogging or something?
OW: [slightly puzzled] No, we have two cats.
Perhaps she meant they kept the light on .
It reminds me of the occasion, not so very long ago, when I had to explain to Mr Nen that cottaging doesn't have anything to do with house-hunting.
Conversation heard between two work colleagues a few years ago:
Older woman: I don’t think of myself as old, you know. Certainly not old fashioned.
Younger woman: No, I’m sure you’re not.
OW: I mean, my husband and I are really quite, well, imaginative.
YW: Why, do you go dogging or something?
OW: [slightly puzzled] No, we have two cats.
Perhaps she meant they kept the light on .
It reminds me of the occasion, not so very long ago, when I had to explain to Mr Nen that cottaging doesn't have anything to do with house-hunting.
That reminds me of some humorous "advice to tourists" that did the rounds in Cambridge and Oxford. Something along the lines of "a popular activity is the propelling of flat bottomed boats with poles. This is called "cottaging". You should ensure you have plenty of vaseline to protect your hands from blisters. If you approach a policeman with a jar of vaseline and announce you want to know where you can go cottaging, he will know you are prepared and will send you in right direction"
Conversation heard between two work colleagues a few years ago:
Older woman: I don’t think of myself as old, you know. Certainly not old fashioned.
Younger woman: No, I’m sure you’re not.
OW: I mean, my husband and I are really quite, well, imaginative.
YW: Why, do you go dogging or something?
OW: [slightly puzzled] No, we have two cats.
Perhaps she meant they kept the light on .
It reminds me of the occasion, not so very long ago, when I had to explain to Mr Nen that cottaging doesn't have anything to do with house-hunting.
Tried to set up the Virgin (alias Clydesdale) credit card app on a new phone today and ended up taking 45 minutes of a trans-atlantic phone call with a very patient help person. Everything stopped when I entered my birth date: 6th of the month. I did it right, it read out the correct date, but the next step insisted I had entered the 5th . Repeated several times to make sure. The cure was to add a day - entered 7th which was confirmed as 6th. It's getting easier for me to be dumfoonered by electrickery, but this is absurd.
It reminds me of the occasion, not so very long ago, when I had to explain to Mr Nen that cottaging doesn't have anything to do with house-hunting.
Many years ago, my mother read a court report in our local newspaper involving someone we knew and the word "cottaging."
"But he lives in a flat!" she said, baffled.
Cottaging was a new one on me. After looking it up, I feel well and truly educated. In Canada, cottaging means going to spend time (often with family) at the cottage - a cabin, away from the city, often on a lake or at the ocean.
To get things back on All Saints Hellishness, I'm calling another place I volunteer for to hell for their treatment of volunteers. It started with the email I mentioned a few weeks ago and has gone downhill since. I will be resigning from volunteering shortly, not just because of the way things are going but that certainly isn't helping.
Sorry to read about that @Sarasa. You'd think as volunteers are not that easy to hold onto that they would be treating people well.
I am consigning our telephone provider today. I suspect something has gone awry years ago when we moved to this house. For whatever reason, they keep blocking our home phone and every time the husband phones to deal with it, it gets fixed for a couple of days and then blocked again. We can receive calls but not make them and we don't owe them any money.
Compliance/legal departments are forcing organisations into treating volunteers like unpaid employees. This, of course, doesn't work, because they get al the shit and not the only tangible benefit. Sometimes worse, because there isn't the cash investment in the form of a salary. New means of dealing with volunteers are needed if volunteering is going to continue.
TICTH the hotel chain that offers the “good night sleep guarantee”
Mrs Spike & I spent last weekend staying in such an establishment. On the second night, we both had a very disturbed sleep as the room was very hot and stuffy. The window didn’t open and there was something that looked like an air conditioner but it didn’t appear to go below 19c.
There was nobody on reception when we checked out and as we had to be somewhere we didn’t have time to hang around, so on Monday morning I phoned their customer service team to ask how I could claim for the “good night sleep guarantee”.
I was told that because I didn’t raise it AT THE TIME there was nothing they could do. To clarify, I asked if this meant at any point during the stay, or at the actual time I was experiencing the problem. They confirmed that according to their terms and conditions, it would have needed to be raised at the time so that a member of staff could try to resolve the problem. I explained the inconvenience and impracticality of going to reception in my pyjamas at 2.30 am, but they confirmed that this is what would have been necessary. I asked what would/could have been done to resolve the problem. I was told that we would either have been offered another room, or they would have sent somebody to check the air conditioning.
Well, both of those seem pretty impractical. We wouldn’t have fancied repacking our suitcase and moving to another room in the middle of the night and we certainly didn’t want someone in our bedroom buggering about with the aircon either, both of which would have disrupted our sleep even more.
As most (of not all) people are going to experience a disturbed sleep in the middle of the night, it seems that they would also be in the same position, so it seems that this”guarantee” isn’t worth the paper it’s written on
I am currently staying in a hotel( with no such guarantee) and similarly have woken the past two nights because of the heat. I cannot open the heavy sash window. There is 24 hour reception but no room telephone. I might remember to ask on my way past reception today.
Comments
I think by now everyone here knows that I have a mind like a poorly-maintained cesspit. If I feel something is in poor taste.... then it really shouldn't have been shared! Especially as I thought of an even worse response this morning.
I thought the church was in need of funds? Get a webcam and a monetised livestream. God knows why, but there's a demand for this sort of thing. Personally if I want to see a saggy middle aged arse I just need a mirror, but where there's muck there's brass.
Brilliant!
#TheRealMaryMagdalene@onlyfans.com?
That's nearly as good as Karl"s suggestion!
Good grief, vicar!
*Considers that a bloody good reason to hit YouTube*
Is Outrage! ITTWACW!
For reasons known only to itself, the Oxford Mail regularly reports on tbe top dogging spots around the county.
@Sandemaniac - does the Oxford Mail reporter use that hallowed phrase *at this point our reporter left*...?
I don't know, as I don't subscribe to the website I generally just see the headlines. Though given that most of their "news" seems to be culled from local TwiX feeds, I doubt they ever leave the home office these days.
One could rig the sound system to blast out Entry of the Gladiators and put them off their stroke.
Or, 'Come all ye faithful'.
Sorry ......
Stroke... fnarr fnarr!
So glad I wasn't the only one who thought that!
TBH though I thought "Entry" was the better option for double entendre in that sentence.
I've found the other Viz reader...
Finbarr Saunders is my homie.
Older woman: I don’t think of myself as old, you know. Certainly not old fashioned.
Younger woman: No, I’m sure you’re not.
OW: I mean, my husband and I are really quite, well, imaginative.
YW: Why, do you go dogging or something?
OW: [slightly puzzled] No, we have two cats.
It reminds me of the occasion, not so very long ago, when I had to explain to Mr Nen that cottaging doesn't have anything to do with house-hunting.
That reminds me of some humorous "advice to tourists" that did the rounds in Cambridge and Oxford. Something along the lines of "a popular activity is the propelling of flat bottomed boats with poles. This is called "cottaging". You should ensure you have plenty of vaseline to protect your hands from blisters. If you approach a policeman with a jar of vaseline and announce you want to know where you can go cottaging, he will know you are prepared and will send you in right direction"
!! 🤣
It reminds me of the occasion, not so very long ago, when I had to explain to Mr Nen that cottaging doesn't have anything to do with house-hunting.
Many years ago, my mother read a court report in our local newspaper involving someone we knew and the word "cottaging."
"But he lives in a flat!" she said, baffled.
I did not explain.
Passed this many times, never been inside. Must take my 7-year old grandson (who's called Jasper).
I am consigning our telephone provider today. I suspect something has gone awry years ago when we moved to this house. For whatever reason, they keep blocking our home phone and every time the husband phones to deal with it, it gets fixed for a couple of days and then blocked again. We can receive calls but not make them and we don't owe them any money.
They need a good kick up the jacksie!!
Mrs Spike & I spent last weekend staying in such an establishment. On the second night, we both had a very disturbed sleep as the room was very hot and stuffy. The window didn’t open and there was something that looked like an air conditioner but it didn’t appear to go below 19c.
There was nobody on reception when we checked out and as we had to be somewhere we didn’t have time to hang around, so on Monday morning I phoned their customer service team to ask how I could claim for the “good night sleep guarantee”.
I was told that because I didn’t raise it AT THE TIME there was nothing they could do. To clarify, I asked if this meant at any point during the stay, or at the actual time I was experiencing the problem. They confirmed that according to their terms and conditions, it would have needed to be raised at the time so that a member of staff could try to resolve the problem. I explained the inconvenience and impracticality of going to reception in my pyjamas at 2.30 am, but they confirmed that this is what would have been necessary. I asked what would/could have been done to resolve the problem. I was told that we would either have been offered another room, or they would have sent somebody to check the air conditioning.
Well, both of those seem pretty impractical. We wouldn’t have fancied repacking our suitcase and moving to another room in the middle of the night and we certainly didn’t want someone in our bedroom buggering about with the aircon either, both of which would have disrupted our sleep even more.
As most (of not all) people are going to experience a disturbed sleep in the middle of the night, it seems that they would also be in the same position, so it seems that this”guarantee” isn’t worth the paper it’s written on
In my experience a lot of hotel a/c systems don't go below 19 degrees, which I find frustrating as that's TOO WARM!