An angel addicted to Tea
Went out on a tea-drinking spree
It was truly in heaven
Choosing milk or lemon
And sugar lumps - *How many? Three??*
There was an Old Person of Devon
A peasant girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
Was horribly mauled by a shark
But for Christ, like on fire
In a setting so dire
She said “Blow this for a lark!”
A black cab in old London Town
Was hailed by a man in a Gown
Sleepwalking was he
In SW3
That place of "posh shopping" renown.
A robber who held up a bank
A robber who oft too much drank
Fell into a cesspool and stank
The police came along
And said *What a pong!*
This must be a juvenile prank.
As Balbus was building his Wall
He from his scaffold ing did fall
As Balbus was building his Wall
He from his scaffolding did fall
He broke both his ankles
A fact which still rankles
As from his own too tall wall he did fall.
As Offa was digging his Dyke
He measured its depth with his pike
Which was twenty feet long
From haft end to prong
And it up them his foes did not like.
A rector retiring to bed
(His Bible not having been read)
Dreamt of fiend fierce and fell
Carrying clergy to hell.
Which filled his fret soul with deep dread.
The vicar of Henley-on-Thames,
(According to wiki, the stress in "Todmorden" is on the first syllable, so you should read the last three words of the second line as "GOD soared in".)
A bishop on leave in Todmorden
Was sipping an ale when God soared in
In a bright UFO
He yelled "You! F*** O**!!
Alas, now in Hell he is boarding...
There was a Young Man of the Isles
There was a Young Man of the Isles
On whom the police kept some files
His most serious crime
Was smearing with slime
The Wee-est Free Minister's piles.
Comments
Went out on a tea-drinking spree
It was truly in heaven
Choosing milk or lemon
Went out on a tea-drinking spree
It was truly in heaven
Choosing milk or lemon
And sugar lumps - *How many? Three??*
There was an Old Person of Devon
Who held up a 7-11
Who held up a 7-11
His gun was a fake
(a *7-11* is some sort of convenience store, yes?)
There was an Old Person of Devon
Who held up a 7-11
His gun was a fake
Of inferior make
Who held up a 7-11
His gun was a fake
Of inferior make
Which could not send the teller to Heaven.
There was a Young Lady of Hayes
Who liked running rats through a maze.
Who liked running rats through a maze.
Amaze she did not
The rodents who thought
And plotted and set it ablaze.
*
A peasent girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
Was horribly mauled by a shark
Was horribly mauled by a shark
But for Christ, like on fire
Was horribly mauled by a shark
But for Christ, like on fire
In a setting so dire
Was horribly mauled by a shark
But for Christ, like on fire
In a setting so dire
She said “Blow this for a lark!”
_____
A black cab in old London Town
A black cab in old London Town
Was hailed by a man in a Gown
Was hailed by a man in a Gown
Sleepwalking was he
Was hailed by a man in a Gown
Sleepwalking was he
In SW3
Was hailed by a man in a Gown
Sleepwalking was he
In SW3
That place of "posh shopping" renown.
A robber who held up a bank
A robber who held up a bank
Wore a cross in the form of an Ankh
Wore a cross in the form of an Ankh
The bank teller was cross
And so was his boss
But the weapon was just a lamb shank.
A robber who oft too much drank
Fell into a cesspool and stank
Fell into a cesspool and stank
The police came along
And said *What a pong!*
This must be a juvenile prank.
As Balbus was building his Wall
He from his scaffold ing did fall
He from his scaffolding did fall
He broke both his ankles
He from his scaffolding did fall
He broke both his ankles
A fact which still rankles
He from his scaffolding did fall
He broke both his ankles
A fact which still rankles
As from his own too tall wall he did fall.
He measured its depth with his pike
He measured its depth with his pike
Which was twenty feet long
He measured its depth with his pike
Which was twenty feet long
From haft end to prong
And it up them his foes did not like.
- - -
A rector retiring to bed
(His Bible not having been read)
(His Bible not having been read)
Dreamt of fiend fierce and fell
Carrying clergy to hell.
Which filled his fret soul with deep dread.
The vicar of Henley-on-Thames,
Had a weakness for dubious dames.
Had a weakness for dubious dames.
He tended their souls
And tickled their moles
But never remembered their names.
A bishop on leave in Todmorden
Was sipping an ale when God soared in
Was sipping an ale when God soared in
In a bright UFO
Was sipping an ale when God soared in
In a bright UFO
He yelled "You! F*** O**!!
Was sipping an ale when God soared in
In a bright UFO
He yelled "You! F*** O**!!
Alas, now in Hell he is boarding...
There was a Young Man of the Isles
On whom the police kept some files
On whom the police kept some files
His most serious crime
On whom the police kept some files
His most serious crime
Was smearing with slime
The Wee-est Free Minister's piles.
_______________________________________-
The vicar of Mablethorpe's wife
Led an almost impeccable life
She had one little vice
Which was not very nice—
Playing hymns out of tune on the fife
— —
An old Aberdonian minister
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
Preached sermons which were somewhat sinister