Limerick

191012141546

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  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    An angel addicted to Tea
    Went out on a tea-drinking spree.
  • An angel addicted to Tea
    Went out on a tea-drinking spree
    It was truly in heaven
    Choosing milk or lemon


  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    An angel addicted to Tea
    Went out on a tea-drinking spree
    It was truly in heaven
    Choosing milk or lemon
    And sugar lumps - *How many? Three??*
    There was an Old Person of Devon
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was an Old Person of Devon
    Who held up a 7-11

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    There was an Old Person of Devon
    Who held up a 7-11
    His gun was a fake

    (a *7-11* is some sort of convenience store, yes?)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    (Yes, a US chain. They have them in Korea all over the place, so I kind of assumed throughout the anglosphere as well. Guess I was wrong.)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    (Apparently, 7-11 had stores in the UK between 1985 and 1997, at which point they were bought out by a firm called Budgens.)
  • (thanks @stetson - I had a feeling I'd heard of them before)

    There was an Old Person of Devon
    Who held up a 7-11
    His gun was a fake
    Of inferior make

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    There was an Old Person of Devon
    Who held up a 7-11
    His gun was a fake
    Of inferior make
    Which could not send the teller to Heaven.
  • :wink:

    There was a Young Lady of Hayes
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a Young Lady of Hayes
    Who liked running rats through a maze.

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There was a Young Lady of Hayes
    Who liked running rats through a maze.
    Amaze she did not
    The rodents who thought
    And plotted and set it ablaze.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    Nice one.

    *

    A peasent girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
  • A peasant girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
    Was horribly mauled by a shark
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A peasant girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
    Was horribly mauled by a shark
    But for Christ, like on fire
  • A peasant girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
    Was horribly mauled by a shark
    But for Christ, like on fire
    In a setting so dire
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    A peasant girl christened Jeanne D'Arc
    Was horribly mauled by a shark
    But for Christ, like on fire
    In a setting so dire
    She said “Blow this for a lark!”

    _____

    A black cab in old London Town

  • A black cab in old London Town
    Was hailed by a man in a Gown
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    A black cab in old London Town
    Was hailed by a man in a Gown
    Sleepwalking was he
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A black cab in old London Town
    Was hailed by a man in a Gown
    Sleepwalking was he
    In SW3
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    A black cab in old London Town
    Was hailed by a man in a Gown
    Sleepwalking was he
    In SW3
    That place of "posh shopping" renown.


    A robber who held up a bank

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    (There are some wonderfully surreal stories on this thread - they would make superb short fillums!)

    A robber who held up a bank
    Wore a cross in the form of an Ankh
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A robber who held up a bank
    Wore a cross in the form of an Ankh
    The bank teller was cross
    And so was his boss
    But the weapon was just a lamb shank.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited April 2022
    (Sorry, I'll shut up now. Here's a similar one! :) )

    A robber who oft too much drank
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    A robber who oft too much drank
    Fell into a cesspool and stank
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    A robber who oft too much drank
    Fell into a cesspool and stank
    The police came along
    And said *What a pong!*
    This must be a juvenile prank.
    As Balbus was building his Wall
    He from his scaffold ing did fall
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    As Balbus was building his Wall
    He from his scaffolding did fall
    He broke both his ankles
  • As Balbus was building his Wall
    He from his scaffolding did fall
    He broke both his ankles
    A fact which still rankles
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    As Balbus was building his Wall
    He from his scaffolding did fall
    He broke both his ankles
    A fact which still rankles
    As from his own too tall wall he did fall.
  • As Offa was digging his Dyke
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    As Offa was digging his Dyke
    He measured its depth with his pike
  • As Offa was digging his Dyke
    He measured its depth with his pike
    Which was twenty feet long

  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    As Offa was digging his Dyke
    He measured its depth with his pike
    Which was twenty feet long
    From haft end to prong
    And it up them his foes did not like.

    - - -

    A rector retiring to bed
  • A rector retiring to bed
    (His Bible not having been read)
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited April 2022
    A rector retiring to bed
    (His Bible not having been read)
    Dreamt of fiend fierce and fell
    Carrying clergy to hell.
    Which filled his fret soul with deep dread.


    The vicar of Henley-on-Thames,
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    The vicar of Henley-on-Thames
    Had a weakness for dubious dames.

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    The vicar of Henley-on-Thames
    Had a weakness for dubious dames.
    He tended their souls
    And tickled their moles
    But never remembered their names.


  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host

    A bishop on leave in Todmorden
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A bishop on leave in Todmorden
    Was sipping an ale when God soared in

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    (According to wiki, the stress in "Todmorden" is on the first syllable, so you should read the last three words of the second line as "GOD soared in".)
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host
    A bishop on leave in Todmorden
    Was sipping an ale when God soared in
    In a bright UFO
    Todmorden is a very tiny place most famous for a flying saucer spotting
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A bishop on leave in Todmorden
    Was sipping an ale when God soared in
    In a bright UFO
    He yelled "You! F*** O**!!

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    edited May 2022
    [deleted]


  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    A bishop on leave in Todmorden
    Was sipping an ale when God soared in
    In a bright UFO
    He yelled "You! F*** O**!!
    Alas, now in Hell he is boarding...
    There was a Young Man of the Isles
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a Young Man of the Isles
    On whom the police kept some files

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was a Young Man of the Isles
    On whom the police kept some files
    His most serious crime

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There was a Young Man of the Isles
    On whom the police kept some files
    His most serious crime
    Was smearing with slime
    The Wee-est Free Minister's piles.

    _______________________________________-

    The vicar of Mablethorpe's wife
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    The vicar of Mablethorpe's wife
    Led an almost impeccable life
    She had one little vice
    Which was not very nice—
    Playing hymns out of tune on the fife

    — —

    An old Aberdonian minister
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    An old Aberdonian minister
    Kept a journal both lurid and sinister

  • An old Aberdonian minister
    Preached sermons which were somewhat sinister
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