An old Aberdonian minister
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
He wrote of his hates
And of seedy blind dates
With all of it proudly uncensored, sir.
A man with a taste for the kitschy
A man with a taste for the kitschy
Had skin which was painfully itchy
But his hula-girl tats
Attracted some gnats
Buzzing tunes by the great Lionel Richie
It's my custom said dear Lady Norris
To hitch rides from young men driving lorries.
When they get down to piss
I see things that I miss
From the wheel of my two-seater Morris.
A gentleman from Hampton Wick
Was (on a time) cut to the quick
By slanderous words
Hurled at him by nerds
And were cast in the form of a limerick.
There once was a person from Porlock
There once was a person from Porlock
Who always would tug at his forelock
To giggling nuns
As he ogled their buns
So got burned at the stake as a warlock
There once was a person from Porlock
Who couldn’t stop touching her forelock
As tugging it meant
It upwards her bent
Her real height it'd magically unlock.
There once was a man who said: "Truth,
Though extolled by excitable youth,
Is roundly ignored
By the old and the bored
Who find meaning in gin and vermouth."
An ordinand, out on the lash,
The head of a policeman did bash
But the strength of the helmet
Meant it wasn’t yet kismet
The ordinand parted with plenty of cash.
Comments
An old Aberdonian minister
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
It was kept in a Box
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
It was kept in a Box
Chained up with three locks
Contained in a kryptonite canister.
_____________________
A young man named Jude the Obscure
Was rude and quite immature
Was rude and quite immature
A large hole was dug
They planted the thug
Then watered and sprinkled manure
Was rude and quite immature
He wed Arabella
Was rude and quite immature
He wed Arabella
On the cake was Nutella
If this will endure, we're not sure.
Really fancied herself as a belle
Really fancied herself as a belle
She wore high-heeled boots
And Savile Row suits
And freesias in her lapel.
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
He wrote of his hates
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
He wrote of his hates
And of seedy blind dates
Kept a journal both lurid and sinister
He wrote of his hates
And of seedy blind dates
With all of it proudly uncensored, sir.
A man with a taste for the kitschy
A man with a taste for the kitschy
Had skin which was painfully itchy
Had skin which was painfully itchy
But his hula-girl tats
Had skin which was painfully itchy
But his hula-girl tats
Attracted some gnats
Buzzing tunes by the great Lionel Richie
Devoured kebab on the go
Not much she had spent
On this foodstuff that went
Right on her suit - that was a blow.
To hitch rides from young men driving lorries.
When they get down to piss
I see things that I miss
From the wheel of my two-seater Morris.
Contemplating the state of the nation
Contemplating the state of the nation
(For trains there were none)
Their plan for rail privatisation
Was (on a time) cut to the quick
By slanderous words
Was (on a time) cut to the quick
By slanderous words
Hurled at him by nerds
Was (on a time) cut to the quick
By slanderous words
Hurled at him by nerds
And were cast in the form of a limerick.
There once was a person from Porlock
Who couldn’t stop touching her forelock
Who always would tug at his forelock
To giggling nuns
As he ogled their buns
So got burned at the stake as a warlock
Who couldn’t stop touching her forelock
As tugging it meant
Who couldn’t stop touching her forelock
As tugging it meant
It upwards her bent
Her real height it'd magically unlock.
Whose bike was bereft of a Wheel
Lacking also a saddle;
She said "Oh, that'll...
A lawyer of sterling repute
Made a habit of playing the flute
Made a habit of playing the flute
Whilst reading his briefs
Made a habit of playing the flute!
Whilst reading his briefs,
Despite his beliefs,
He'd also strum hymns on a lute!
Who wrote quite a rather long song
Who wrote quite a rather long song
Which he soon starts to sing
To sustain us while he sang the whole night long.
________
An oldie, but a goodie (like some of us on the Ship):
There was a young fellow from Kent
Whose too was so long that it bent
In the middle
Like a one-armed fiddle.
And instead of coming, he went.
Though extolled by excitable youth,
Is roundly ignored
By the old and the bored
Who find meaning in gin and vermouth."
An ordinand, out on the lash,
The head of a policeman did bash
The head of a policeman did bash
But the strength of the helmet
The head of a policeman did bash
But the strength of the helmet
Meant it wasn’t yet kismet
The ordinand parted with plenty of cash.
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