As I gobble my breakfast-time porridge
Freshly garnished (like Pimms) with some borage
I look at my spurtle
Call up my friend Myrtle
And look forward to a Wednesday in Norwich.
While crossing the Pentland to Orkney
A wee dog came along to accompany
As he trotted along
He burst out in song
So I gave him a freshly-cooked pork knee. @Miffy - would you maybe start the next one?
I went to the dentist today,
All my gnashers on glorious display.
I needed three fillings.
And that will mean billings.
So, will I be able to pay?
I'd rather spend money on beer.
I'd rather spend money on beer.
And I really don't want to be here
But my teeth have been drilled
and they haven't been filled
So leaving's not my best idea.
I went to the dentist today,
All my gnashers on glorious display.
I needed three fillings.
And that will mean billings.
So, will I be able to pay?
I'd rather spend money on beer.
So my teeth may glow like clean chalk,
But I cannot handle or walk,
Whilst my choppers may dazzle
I’m skint and I’m frazzled
And my tongue doesn't move when I talk.
We've had quite enough about teeth
So let me tell you about Keith
Went to the chiropodist
Now has feet which are copper disks
And the price, it was beyond belief!
The chiropodist’s cat slept in all day
It’s fur was long, mottled, white and grey.
Well trimmed were its claws,
Exquisite, its paws,
And for that, it had nothing to pay.
It sprawled in the window and purred
It sprawled in the window and purred
At a volume that everyone heard
The patients complained
My feet are in pain
And I can't hear the foot doctor's words!
It sprawled in the window and purred
At a volume that everyone heard
The patients complained
My feet are in pain
And I can't hear the foot doctor's words!
It might have worked better with a change to the last line (I've remembered the squiggly line this time) -
It sprawled in the window and purred
At a volume that everyone heard
The patients complained
My feet are in pain
And the foot doctor can't hear my words!
Whilst camping at Greenbelt I may
Have walked 16,000 steps every day
When I took off my wellies
My feet felt like jellies
Served up with ice-cream and clay*
*I'm not eatin' that!
One can say "I'm not eating that.
It looks like road kill or splat,
Like slush, mud or mess
Or what could one guess?
Has it been brought up by the cat?"
At Boughton, a mansion near Kettering ....
One can say "I'm not eating that.
It looks like road kill or splat,
Like slush, mud or mess
Or what could one guess?
Has it been brought up by the cat?"
At Boughton, a mansion near Kettering ....
At Boughton, a mansion near Kettering
A new style of camp loo they were gettering
If you use it you must
Give your name, give your trust
Then it lights up outside in big lettering!
I’m too old and creaky to camp,
In the cold and the wet and the damp,
If I've to sleep on an air-bed,
I just shiver in dread,
That I'll wake up immobile with cramp.
A waterproof tent is a lie
A waterproof tent is a lie
When there's rain coming down from the sky
When you wake in a puddle
Your head's in a fuddle
You think you're a fish in the Wye.
I keep on forgetting the line.
Said the angler who wanted to dine.
I should bring a net,
Which I also forget
So I can't catch the fish in the Tyne.
The Tyne, it is quite often foggy
The Tyne is quite often foggy
Which makes it hard when you're walking your doggy.
If the fog doesn't clear
There's always the fear
That the fog makes his biscuits go soggy.
While strolling the banks of the Sound,
Helen thought she had found
The stream that she'd missed
Because she was pissed.
Tried to leap it with one single bound......
Spread her clothes on the bushes to dry
They were ruined and torn, she could cry
Hiding behind a shrub
She had a good blub
Tears falling from each reddened eye.
Comments
Freshly garnished (like Pimms) with some borage
I look at my spurtle
Call up my friend Myrtle
And look forward to a Wednesday in Norwich.
A wee dog came along to accompany
He burst out in song
A wee dog came along to accompany
As he trotted along
He burst out in song
So I gave him a freshly-cooked pork knee.
@Miffy - would you maybe start the next one?
All my gnashers on glorious display.
All my gnashers on glorious display
I needed three fillings
All my gnashers on glorious display.
I needed three fillings.
And that will mean billings.
So, will I be able to pay?
I'd rather spend money on beer.
And I really don't want to be here
But my teeth have been drilled
and they haven't been filled
So leaving's not my best idea.
(‘cost me an arm and several legs) 😕
To get the work done on my pegs
A fortune expended
To get the work done on my pegs
I had not intended
A fortune expended
This goose sadly has no golden eggs!
But I cannot handle or walk,
I’m skint and I’m frazzled
But I cannot handle or walk,
Whilst my choppers may dazzle
I’m skint and I’m frazzled
And my tongue doesn't move when I talk.
So let me tell you about Keith
Went to the chiropodist
Now has feet which are copper disks
And the price, it was beyond belief!
It’s fur was long, mottled, white and grey
It’s fur was long, mottled, white and grey.
Well trimmed were its claws,
Exquisite, its paws,
And for that, it had nothing to pay.
It sprawled in the window and purred
At a volume that everyone heard
At a volume that everyone heard
The patients complained
My feet are in pain
And I can't hear the foot doctor's words!
It might have worked better with a change to the last line (I've remembered the squiggly line this time) -
It sprawled in the window and purred
At a volume that everyone heard
The patients complained
My feet are in pain
And the foot doctor can't hear my words!
Have walked 16,000 steps every day
When I took off my wellies
Have walked 16,000 steps every day
When I took off my wellies
My feet felt like jellies
Have walked 16,000 steps every day
When I took off my wellies
My feet felt like jellies
Served up with ice-cream and clay*
*I'm not eatin' that!
It looks like road kill or splat,
Like slush, mud or mess
Or what could one guess?
Has it been brought up by the cat?"
At Boughton, a mansion near Kettering ....
A new style of camp loo they were gettering
If you use it you must
Give your name, give your trust
Then it lights up outside in big lettering!
In the cold and the wet and the damp,
If I've to sleep on an air-bed,
I just shiver in dread,
That I'll wake up immobile with cramp.
A waterproof tent is a lie
When there's rain coming down from the sky
When you wake in a puddle
When there's rain coming down from the sky
When you wake in a puddle
Your head's in a fuddle
You think you're a fish in the Wye.
I keep on forgetting the line.
Said the angler who wanted to dine.
Said the angler who wanted to dine.
I should bring a net,
Which I also forget
Said the angler who wanted to dine.
I should bring a net,
Which I also forget
So I can't catch the fish in the Tyne.
The Tyne, it is quite often foggy
Which makes it hard when you're walking your doggy.
Which makes it hard when you're walking your doggy.
If the fog doesn't clear
Which makes it hard when you're walking your doggy.
If the fog doesn't clear
There's always the fear
That the fog makes his biscuits go soggy.
Helen thought she had found
The stream that she'd missed
Because she was pissed.
Tried to leap it with one single bound......
Spread her clothes on the bushes to dry
They were ruined and torn, she could cry
They were ruined and torn, she could cry
Hiding behind a shrub
She had a good blub
They were ruined and torn, she could cry
Hiding behind a shrub
She had a good blub
Tears falling from each reddened eye.
As each day drew into night
And the many nights turned back to light
Her clothes she did sew
Together. No more woe
For she now has a fantastic kite!