I think it would be funnier if it was "rabbi rabbi rabbit" rather than "rabbit rabbit rabbit" as it would make it harder to spot. Or maybe it should be "rabbit rabbit rabbi".
Just received:
If your car breaks down, you need the AA.
If its's an electric car, you may need an AAA.
(Note for non-Brits: AA is the Automobile Association, not Alcoholics Anonymous. AAA is a battery size.)
If you need help with alcoholism, you want AA.
If you need help with your car, you want AAA.
If you need help with your electric car, you'll have to open the battery compartment to see whether you need AA or AAA.
She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft.
If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like You’re Still Here.
My Wife Ran Off with My Best Friend and I Miss Him.
A retired man in Florida calls his daughter, Sara, in California just before Christmas and announces to her that he is divorcing her mother after 50 years of marriage. The daughter exclaims, "What? You can't do that."
"Oh, yes, I can," he replied, "We can't stand each other. Irreconcilable differences and all, To be honest, we hate even seeing each other. We're glad to be done, and I don't want to talk about it. But, please, do me a favor. Let your sister and brother know because I don't want to talk about it anymore."
The daughter frantically calls her sister and brother, both of whom also explode and vow their parents will not be getting a divorce. Sara calls her father back and tells him, "You are not going to divorce mother. We are all coming there tomorrow and sort this all out. Don't do or say anything to Mom before we get there tomorrow."
The father hangs up the phone, turns to their mother and says, "It worked! We are finally going to spend Christmas with our whole family, and it won't cost us a dime."
A retired man in Florida calls his daughter, Sara, in California just before Christmas and announces to her that he is divorcing her mother after 50 years of marriage. The daughter exclaims, "What? You can't do that."
"Oh, yes, I can," he replied, "We can't stand each other. Irreconcilable differences and all, To be honest, we hate even seeing each other. We're glad to be done, and I don't want to talk about it. But, please, do me a favor. Let your sister and brother know because I don't want to talk about it anymore."
The daughter frantically calls her sister and brother, both of whom also explode and vow their parents will not be getting a divorce. Sara calls her father back and tells him, "You are not going to divorce mother. We are all coming there tomorrow and sort this all out. Don't do or say anything to Mom before we get there tomorrow."
The father hangs up the phone, turns to their mother and says, "It worked! We are finally going to spend Christmas with our whole family, and it won't cost us a dime."
That of course won't be understood by some of our non-British (or even Scottish!) Shipmates. So let me say that "Tube" (in London) = Subway" or "Metro". Being very pedantic, I must say that only the deep-level lines in London (eg the Central Line) are true "Tubes" that were bored through the soil - the shallower ones such as the District Line were dug from the surface and aren't tube-shaped except for a few short stretches.
In England and Wales a subway is usually a subterranean pedestrian underpass, eg under a road junction.
That of course won't be understood by some of our non-British (or even Scottish!) Shipmates. So let me say that "Tube" (in London) = Subway" or "Metro". Being very pedantic, I must say that only the deep-level lines in London (eg the Central Line) are true "Tubes" that were bored through the soil - the shallower ones such as the District Line were dug from the surface and aren't tube-shaped except for a few short stretches.
In England and Wales a subway is usually a subterranean pedestrian underpass, eg under a road junction.
/Ends/
Now here's a bit of obscure folk trivia. At one point in the late 60s a certain American, a Mr Paul Simon, shared a flat with a Brit, a certain Al Stewart. The former produced a song called "Poem on the Underground Wall". The latter had a very early song which starts "The subway station's closed again".
She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft.
If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like You’re Still Here.
My Wife Ran Off with My Best Friend and I Miss Him.
Perhaps it's just me, but those and @Gramps49 one about getting the family over for Christmas are too good to count as bad jokes. Thank you both of you.
The third of those song titles was particularly good.
The tube one and the curtain one though both definitely make the grade as being groaningly bad.
Now here's a bit of obscure folk trivia. At one point in the late 60s a certain American, a Mr Paul Simon, shared a flat with a Brit, a certain Al Stewart. The former produced a song called "Poem on the Underground Wall". The latter had a very early song which starts "The subway station's closed again".
Bit of a cultural swap there.
And Stewart is a Scot. Best song on his freshman album, too.
For me, these are both new today. This, I think definitely qualifies.
"I met a Dalek who was looking for directions home, asking where he was from he replied "Devon" mate.
I replied
"what part mate "
He replied
"Exeter mate, Exeter mate, Exeter mate".
This one I'm not sure about. I think it's too good.
"I was born female,
I identify as female,
but according to Sainsbury's DeLuxe Sticky Pudding,
I am actually a family of four."
Now here's a bit of obscure folk trivia. At one point in the late 60s a certain American, a Mr Paul Simon, shared a flat with a Brit, a certain Al Stewart. The former produced a song called "Poem on the Underground Wall". The latter had a very early song which starts "The subway station's closed again".
Bit of a cultural swap there.
Is that friendship referenced in the line about long lost pal,
And Stewart is a Scot. Best song on his freshman album, too.
Now here's a bit of obscure folk trivia. At one point in the late 60s a certain American, a Mr Paul Simon, shared a flat with a Brit, a certain Al Stewart. The former produced a song called "Poem on the Underground Wall". The latter had a very early song which starts "The subway station's closed again".
Bit of a cultural swap there.
Is that friendship referenced in the line about long lost pal,
And Stewart is a Scot. Best song on his freshman album, too.
No. "You can call me Al" is inspired by a completely unrelated incident.
An Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman went to a pub
They each ordered a beer.
As they were beginning to drink,
A fly landed in each beer.
The Englishman refused to drink his beer,
and insisted on a new one.
The Irishman just blew the fly off the beer,
along with a cloud of froth.
The Scotsman picked the fly out of his beer by its wings
held the fly over the beer, saying,
"Well now, wee one, spit it oot. I did na buy it for ye"
That's the Vietnamese joke about coffee. An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese each sit in cafe when a fly falls into their coffee. The American orders a new cup. The Frenchman scoops out the fly with a spoon and thriftily drinks the rest of it. And the Vietnamese (this is told by my husband!) picks up the fly and wrings it out to get the last drop before drinking the coffee!
Saw Al Stewart at the Brook (Southampton) brilliant, lovely humble guy.
Enoch I love your Dalek joke but I don't get your 2nd joke!
She's eaten and enjoyed the whole of a Sainsbury's DeLuxe Sticky Pudding, marked as suitable for a family of dour, herself as one portion at one sitting. Dawn French as Vicar of Dibley used to make similar jokes about chocolate.
Saw Al Stewart at the Brook (Southampton) brilliant, lovely humble guy.
Enoch I love your Dalek joke but I don't get your 2nd joke!
She's eaten and enjoyed the whole of a Sainsbury's DeLuxe Sticky Pudding, marked as suitable for a family of dour, herself as one portion at one sitting. Dawn French as Vicar of Dibley used to make similar jokes about chocolate.
To give a little bit of background. Towards the end of American College Football Season various state universities have their rivalry games. Here in Washington, that involves the Washington State University Cougars against the University of Washington Huskies. Naturally there will spring up jokes from one against the other. Here is one of the jokes going around this year:
A HUSKY BOUGHT TWO HORSES AND could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he trim the tail of one horse. That worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush, "trimming" it exactly like the other horse's. The neighbor then suggested that the Husky notch the ear of one horse. And that worked fine until the other horse caught its ear on a barbed-wire-fence. So once again, the Husky couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor then suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the brown horse was two inches taller than the white one.
Comments
I thought it worked. Made me read the line three times.
Shoes with a tongue?
I like that.
(Real answer: Converse, if you had not figured that out already)
You have been auto-carroted.
If your car breaks down, you need the AA.
If its's an electric car, you may need an AAA.
(Note for non-Brits: AA is the Automobile Association, not Alcoholics Anonymous. AAA is a battery size.)
If you need help with your car, you want AAA.
If you need help with your electric car, you'll have to open the battery compartment to see whether you need AA or AAA.
She said March 1st.
So I walked around the room and asked again.
Because he wanted to earn a packet
Now that is a bad joke. Also the Gary Lineker one. Bravo!
Somebody asked me if I'd ever been to Argate.
Me - Are you sure you don't mean Margate?
Him - No, Argate.
Me - Where's that then?
Him - At the back of ar house.
Works better in the US than in Britain, where we'd say, "March the first".
"Pull yourself together!"
If it was served warm, it would be justwater.
But it's OK, you can just stand in the corner where it's always at 90 degrees!
Good, good, your sense of puns is clearly acute.
Or are you just angling for approval?
(It's OK, I'm here all week)
That's acute observation.
Top four Country and Western Song Titles:
She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft.
If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like You’re Still Here.
My Wife Ran Off with My Best Friend and I Miss Him.
"Oh, yes, I can," he replied, "We can't stand each other. Irreconcilable differences and all, To be honest, we hate even seeing each other. We're glad to be done, and I don't want to talk about it. But, please, do me a favor. Let your sister and brother know because I don't want to talk about it anymore."
The daughter frantically calls her sister and brother, both of whom also explode and vow their parents will not be getting a divorce. Sara calls her father back and tells him, "You are not going to divorce mother. We are all coming there tomorrow and sort this all out. Don't do or say anything to Mom before we get there tomorrow."
The father hangs up the phone, turns to their mother and says, "It worked! We are finally going to spend Christmas with our whole family, and it won't cost us a dime."
Priceless!!!
Also ... worth trying .....
He took the tube.
That of course won't be understood by some of our non-British (or even Scottish!) Shipmates. So let me say that "Tube" (in London) = Subway" or "Metro". Being very pedantic, I must say that only the deep-level lines in London (eg the Central Line) are true "Tubes" that were bored through the soil - the shallower ones such as the District Line were dug from the surface and aren't tube-shaped except for a few short stretches.
In England and Wales a subway is usually a subterranean pedestrian underpass, eg under a road junction.
/Ends/
Now here's a bit of obscure folk trivia. At one point in the late 60s a certain American, a Mr Paul Simon, shared a flat with a Brit, a certain Al Stewart. The former produced a song called "Poem on the Underground Wall". The latter had a very early song which starts "The subway station's closed again".
Bit of a cultural swap there.
Yes, you do look a bit drawn.
The third of those song titles was particularly good.
The tube one and the curtain one though both definitely make the grade as being groaningly bad.
And Stewart is a Scot. Best song on his freshman album, too.
"I met a Dalek who was looking for directions home, asking where he was from he replied "Devon" mate.
I replied
"what part mate "
He replied
"Exeter mate, Exeter mate, Exeter mate".
This one I'm not sure about. I think it's too good.
"I was born female,
I identify as female,
but according to Sainsbury's DeLuxe Sticky Pudding,
I am actually a family of four."
No. "You can call me Al" is inspired by a completely unrelated incident.
Enoch I love your Dalek joke but I don't get your 2nd joke!
We had Old Admirals at my Dad's funeral.
I had always intended to play it myself, but Covid said no.
Every time I play it it's a sort of memorial.
/tangent
They each ordered a beer.
As they were beginning to drink,
A fly landed in each beer.
The Englishman refused to drink his beer,
and insisted on a new one.
The Irishman just blew the fly off the beer,
along with a cloud of froth.
The Scotsman picked the fly out of his beer by its wings
held the fly over the beer, saying,
"Well now, wee one, spit it oot. I did na buy it for ye"
I played "Don't Forget Me" at the funeral of a friend who was a fellow Al fan. It fits amazingly well as a memorial.
Ah, yes. thanks. (love Vicar of Dibley!)
A HUSKY BOUGHT TWO HORSES AND could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he trim the tail of one horse. That worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush, "trimming" it exactly like the other horse's. The neighbor then suggested that the Husky notch the ear of one horse. And that worked fine until the other horse caught its ear on a barbed-wire-fence. So once again, the Husky couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor then suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the brown horse was two inches taller than the white one.
In what way are Captain Kirk and Toilet paper the same?
They both get rid of Klingons.
(Sorry)
You missed the bit about orbiting Uranus.
You don't, you get it from a duck.
Unpicking the etymology on that we get theos - god + sorous - a cluster of sporangia in ferns and fungi. The god of small things?