Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Ariel wrote: »
    "King Charles escapes London minutes after Harry arrives to see how he is" (the Metro)

    Harry's not exactly Oliver Cromwell. Or is he...?
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    I understood it in the sense that Charles may have groaned "Oh no, not him again" and disappeared hastily.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    A remarkably unhelpful headline in the Washington Post today: MAGA label dogs candidate for key state House seat in Pennsylvania. Further reading, however, reveals that they are not actually running dogs for office ...

    To be honest, if I had to choose between a MAGA type and a dog, the dog would win hands (or possibly paws) down.

  • Gosh yes. Even a goldfish.
  • Alexander the Great's half-brother found to be his father – and vice versa

    Either an odd headline or the plotline to the next sequel to "Game of Thrones."
  • From the ever-dependable "Wales Online": "Inside the incredible Welsh Gothic mansion with mesmerising interiors you've never seen before". Not unless you'd rung the doorbell and been admitted by the owner.
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    "Prince William flies solo on Baftas red carpet as wife Kate recovers"

    Well, he did train as a pilot, sure he'll be fine. Thank you Metro.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    How come he gets a magic carpet? I've always wanted one.
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    He's a prince. Magic carpets, dragons, swords, it's all in the job description.
  • Aladdin Windsor?
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    A Windsor lad, certainly...
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    "Kilt-wearing pervert caught shoving antique items up his bum"

    ... which he then replaced on the shelves before leaving.

    Apparently he's been doing the rounds of local antique shops (in Texas) and dealers have had to throw items away. You couldn't make this up.

    (Source: the Metro.)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Ugh! :confounded:
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    From an article about a Marks & Sparks table lamp in the Mirror online:
    Now, interior lovers can get their hands on the chic lamp as it is back in stock in all five colourways - red, green, yellow and blue.

    Someone needs to resit their O level maths ... :mrgreen:
  • Indeed so. Even the M&S website only has four colours!
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited March 2024
    "Wales Online" again: Much-loved Welsh sporting figure dies as tributes flood in.

    Don't the tributes usually come after the poor chap has passed on?
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    "Wales Online" again: Much-loved Welsh sporting figure dies as tributes flood in.

    Don't the tributes usually come after the poor chap has passed on?
    Makes me wonder whether it was the sudden influx of tributes that reminded the poor chap he was letting his fans down, and he'd better hurry up and exit the stage.

  • Sounds like that, doesn't it? (He was a horse trainer, aged 87 BTW).
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Did he drown in the tribute flood?
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    Gangster to funeral parlour: "I'd like to arrange for a hearse, please. Here's the address."
    FP: "Of course, sir. May I ask when the deceased passed away?"
    Gangster: "Next Wednesday at 10pm."

    * * *

    Headline of pleasing quirkiness:

    "Cambridge academic escapes toilet using eyeliner and cotton"

    (Source: BBC News)
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Ariel wrote: »

    Headline of pleasing quirkiness:

    "Cambridge academic escapes toilet using eyeliner and cotton"

    (Source: BBC News)

    !!!!!!!! The mind boggles as to how it was done, and the use of each of those.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    AFAICT she was latched in rather than locked in. It seems that she poked the eyeliner pencil through the keyhole to push down the latch on the other side of the door, and bent the cotton bud into a hook shape to pull the door open using the same keyhole. At least that’s my best guess from looking at the various accounts online - most of them very similar to each other and distressingly short on practical detail of how it was done.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    BroJames wrote: »
    AFAICT she was latched in rather than locked in. It seems that she poked the eyeliner pencil through the keyhole to push down the latch on the other side of the door, and bent the cotton bud into a hook shape to pull the door open using the same keyhole. At least that’s my best guess from looking at the various accounts online - most of them very similar to each other and distressingly short on practical detail of how it was done.

    Thanks - perhaps someone can try a re-enactment, while it's filmed?
  • Sounds like when a friend of mine was helping in a new building and went to the loo - only to find that the handle on the inside hadn't yet been fitted! Poking something through the square hole and turning did the trick.
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    Gee D wrote: »
    Thanks - perhaps someone can try a re-enactment, while it's filmed?

    Would you like to volunteer to be locked in the lavatory? If it doesn't work, you might only be there from Monday to Saturday, if nobody knows that you're there.

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Ariel wrote: »
    Gangster to funeral parlour: "I'd like to arrange for a hearse, please. Here's the address."
    FP: "Of course, sir. May I ask when the deceased passed away?"
    Gangster: "Next Wednesday at 10pm."
    I'm reminded of a (probably apocryphal, but you never know) story that David used to relate of a conversation between a country lady and a shop assistant in a draper's in Suffolk:

    Rural lady: I'm looking for a widow's hat.*
    Shop assistant: I'm terribly sorry, Madam, please accept my condolences.
    Rural lady: Oh, he's not gone yet, but he won't last the week, and I can only get to Ipswich on a Tuesday.

    * I have no idea what a widow's hat actually is, but no matter ...



  • Piglet wrote: »
    Ariel wrote: »
    Gangster to funeral parlour: "I'd like to arrange for a hearse, please. Here's the address."
    FP: "Of course, sir. May I ask when the deceased passed away?"
    Gangster: "Next Wednesday at 10pm."
    I'm reminded of a (probably apocryphal, but you never know) story that David used to relate of a conversation between a country lady and a shop assistant in a draper's in Suffolk:

    Rural lady: I'm looking for a widow's hat.*
    Shop assistant: I'm terribly sorry, Madam, please accept my condolences.
    Rural lady: Oh, he's not gone yet, but he won't last the week, and I can only get to Ipswich on a Tuesday.

    * I have no idea what a widow's hat actually is, but no matter ...



    I can well believe that!
  • Piglet wrote: »
    Oh, he's not gone yet, but he won't last the week, and I can only get to Ipswich on a Tuesday.
    That's country bus services for you ... (I lived in Ipswich from 2005-17).

  • Piglet wrote: »
    Ariel wrote: »
    Gangster to funeral parlour: "I'd like to arrange for a hearse, please. Here's the address."
    FP: "Of course, sir. May I ask when the deceased passed away?"
    Gangster: "Next Wednesday at 10pm."
    I'm reminded of a (probably apocryphal, but you never know) story that David used to relate of a conversation between a country lady and a shop assistant in a draper's in Suffolk:

    Rural lady: I'm looking for a widow's hat.*
    Shop assistant: I'm terribly sorry, Madam, please accept my condolences.
    Rural lady: Oh, he's not gone yet, but he won't last the week, and I can only get to Ipswich on a Tuesday.

    * I have no idea what a widow's hat actually is, but no matter ...



    I can well believe that!

    Sounds totally believable. A widows hat would be black with a veil, I presume. Would often be worn for some time after the death.
  • "Wales Online": The dream £1m home for sale with famous rugby shirts all over the walls.

    That should help with the insulation! Hope they washed them before sticking them up.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I wonder how much it would be worth without the shirts, or if they were just common or garden shirts rather than famous ones?
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Ariel wrote: »

    Would you like to volunteer to be locked in the lavatory? If it doesn't work, you might only be there from Monday to Saturday, if nobody knows that you're there.

    Oh, dear, what can the matter be
    3 old ladies locked in the lavatory.
    They were there from Wednesday to Saturday,
    Nobody knew they were there.

    Sorry, could not resist.
  • "Wales Online": The dream £1m home for sale with famous rugby shirts all over the walls.

    That should help with the insulation! Hope they washed them before sticking them up.

    What do you think is sticking them there?
  • Sweat? Dried-in mud? Aspiration?
  • BBC: "Nationwide strikes deal to buy Virgin Money for £2.9bn".

    This puzzled me at first: why would there have to be strikes all round the country if Virgin Money was being sold?
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    Oh good, I’ve been trying to organise myself to transfer to a mutual since forever.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    In the US, I think we just refer to them as "new bills" rather than "virgin money."
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    From the Bird Guides website, a report on a proposed nature reserve and rewinding project in Rutland,
    "The Hanburys have employed a captive wildlife consultant to help with the early stages of their plans."

  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    Gee D wrote: »
    Ariel wrote: »

    Would you like to volunteer to be locked in the lavatory? If it doesn't work, you might only be there from Monday to Saturday, if nobody knows that you're there.

    Oh, dear, what can the matter be
    3 old ladies locked in the lavatory.
    They were there from Wednesday to Saturday,
    Nobody knew they were there.

    Sorry, could not resist.

    Yes, that was what I was getting at - wasn't sure if you knew the rhyme.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    "The first of them was Miss Elizabeth Porter;
    She was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter.
    There to get rid of superfluous water.
    Nobody knew she was there."

    I've never discovered who the other two were.

  • Enoch wrote: »
    "The first of them was Miss Elizabeth Porter;
    She was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter.
    There to get rid of superfluous water.
    Nobody knew she was there."

    I've never discovered who the other two were.

    You can find a selection of different versions here: https://groups.google.com/g/alt.music.lyrics/c/zMDe9wP0g40
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Ariel wrote: »
    Gee D wrote: »
    Ariel wrote: »

    Would you like to volunteer to be locked in the lavatory? If it doesn't work, you might only be there from Monday to Saturday, if nobody knows that you're there.

    Oh, dear, what can the matter be
    3 old ladies locked in the lavatory.
    They were there from Wednesday to Saturday,
    Nobody knew they were there.

    Sorry, could not resist.

    Yes, that was what I was getting at - wasn't sure if you knew the rhyme.

    Not sure!!!! I'm a man in his late 70's whose schooling was at a boys' only school.
  • The situation in Haiti appears to be truly dire. However I was initially confused by this BBC website headline: "Haiti spirals to collapse as gangs tighten grip". I wondered what the Haiti spirals were, and why they were going to fall down. Then I realised the sad truth ...
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    edited March 2024
    Escaped porcupines found on housing estate (BBC News)

    I expect they were looking for a 3-bed semi with garden.

  • Power Outage Restored

    Personally, I would have preferred to have the power restored.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    They were in a right real rut, the Rutlanders, without power. Let us hope they are now fully energised!
  • From a "Secret Escapes" advert I received today: "Plush Paris bolthole with a spa in Montparnasse".

    So where in Paris is the rest of the hotel?
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    "North Korea TV censors Alan Titchmarsh's trousers"
    (BBC news)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Ariel wrote: »
    "North Korea TV censors Alan Titchmarsh's trousers"
    (BBC news)

    Would they rather he didn't wear any? :flushed:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    A little of-topic, but it amuses me:

    USA Today today has a link to an article on its webpage. The link gives the headline as "When Is Good Friday?" (SPOILER: It's Friday!) But when you follow the link, the ACTUAL headline is the more reasonable "What is Good Friday?"
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