Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited May 1
    Also from BBC: "Tesla denies contacting headhunters to replace Musk".

    Headhunters - sounds a bit drastic! And where might they have found them?
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 1
    Also from BBC: "Tesla denies contacting headhunters to replace Musk".

    Headhunters - sounds a bit drastic! And where might they have found them?

    Mars?

    Beautiful in its desolation - a place where every prospect pleases, but only Musk is vile...
  • BBC website: "Snake halts Japanese bullet trains after wrapping around power line".

    Beats the wrong kind of snow any day! We're not told if said snake survived; we are told that this has actually happened before!

    The snake, alas! did not survive...it must have been the wrong kind of electricity...
    :disappointed:
  • Also from BBC: "Tesla denies contacting headhunters to replace Musk".

    Headhunters - sounds a bit drastic! And where might they have found them?

    Mars?

    Beautiful in its desolation - a place where every prospect pleases, but only Musk is vile...

    I was thinking of 'literal' headhunters, with poisoned bows and arrows ...
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    BBC website: "Snake halts Japanese bullet trains after wrapping around power line".

    Beats the wrong kind of snow any day! We're not told if said snake survived; we are told that this has actually happened before!

    The snake, alas! did not survive...it must have been the wrong kind of electricity...
    :disappointed:
    And was the snake wrapping a gift for the trains? I always knew using that metallic foil for wrapping was a mistake, especially near power lines.
  • Also from BBC: "Tesla denies contacting headhunters to replace Musk".

    Headhunters - sounds a bit drastic! And where might they have found them?

    Mars?

    Beautiful in its desolation - a place where every prospect pleases, but only Musk is vile...

    I was thinking of 'literal' headhunters, with poisoned bows and arrows ...

    :lol:
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    This conversation is getting decidedly uncomfortable; as many of you know, I'm very un-partial to snakes, and Musk gives me the creeps ... :flushed:
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Did you hear about the Roo on the Loose in Alabama?

    The Alabama Law Enforcement Agency said the kangaroo, named Shiela. was spotted Tuesday hopping along the side of Interstate 85 in Macon County, which is between Montgomery and Auburn. The sight snarled traffic, and state troopers shut down both sides of the interstate for the safety of motorists and the kangaroo.
  • RockyRogerRockyRoger Shipmate
    Apropos the recent Supreme Courts's ruling, the 'Daily Star' had a headline like (from memory), 'They think it's all ovaries'.
    Clever and funny, with also (I was relieved ) a hint of criticism.
  • Yes, I saw that.
  • IIRC, the Daily Star is noted for witty and apposite headlines now and then...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    While I loathe The Sun with a passion, I really don't think anyone's ever going to top
    SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC, CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS

    when Inverness Caley Thistle beat Celtic (who were two divisions above them) in the Scottish FA Cup in February 2000.

    Why do I remember this so specifically? It was the day before my birthday, and we were about to go up to Orkney to celebrate my Dad's 75th birthday.

    David put a notice up in the choir room that evening before choir practice:
    If you want to know why Piglet's in a good mood:
    1. It's her birthday tomorrow
    2. We're heading up to Orkney
    3. Celtic 1 - Inverness Caledonian Thistle 3

    :mrgreen: :heart:

  • Yes, that headline really was rather special!
    :lol:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Reminds me of the NYT in 2021: :smile:
    When an Eel Climbs a Ramp to Eat Squid From a Clamp, That’s a Moray
    NYT Twitter/X post, with link to article (paywall) here.

    Further puns are in the post, plus this from the article:
    If the squid is so big, it still eats like a pig, that’s a moray.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    It is possible that I am reading too much into this, but in light of Trump's contentious relationship with the media, I was bemused at the Philadelphia Inquirer's headline for the results of the Kentucky Derby: Sovereignty Defeats Journalism.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Doesn't bode well, does it?
  • I was intrigued to read in today's "i" that a new exhibition about the Titanic will be an "immersive show". Hmmm ...
  • Will they be serving ice cream?
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    If they do, I hope it's in floats.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Buoy, that's a good one. But remember, ship happens.
  • I presume they will be playing that well known Status Quo song as the background:

    "Down down, deeper on down"
  • From the ever-dependable "Wales Online: Rarely-spotted man is the richest Welsh person to have ever lived.

    Well, it's good to know that he has healthy skin, but was he spotty as a teenager?
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 16
    Wales Online is clearly an inexhaustible source of amusement...I wonder if They (the People who run it) realise this?

    Our local news online is rarely, if ever, funny - whether intentionally or otherwise. They just have no idea about grammar, syntax, or punctuation.
    :disappointed:
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I think that, as BT has posited before, all the [insert name of town/county] "Live"/"Online" magazines are run by the same stable (something called Reach?), and they are probably all edited by the same people, none of whom have a clue about grammar, punctuation or much else ... :mrgreen:
  • Yes, I think you're right.
  • Yes.
  • MarsupialMarsupial Shipmate
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    Did you hear about the Roo on the Loose in Alabama?

    The Alabama Law Enforcement Agency said the kangaroo, named Shiela. was spotted Tuesday hopping along the side of Interstate 85 in Macon County, which is between Montgomery and Auburn. The sight snarled traffic, and state troopers shut down both sides of the interstate for the safety of motorists and the kangaroo.

    It seems to be a thing these days:

    Cows all off Highway 400 in King Township after causing udder chaos for hours

    (They got spooked a thunderstorm and ended up wandering up and down one of the main highways to cottage country just in time for the first big cottage long weekend…)

  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited May 22
    From you-can-guess-where: "Hold-ups in Cardiff".

    No, not gangsters or highwaymen - just traffic.

    Also: "ABBA icon dies as band issues heartfelt tribute". Surely the tribute (to their sound engineeer) should have waited until after his death?
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    The guy who played drums for Abba apparently died in a tragic gardening accident - really! He fell through a pane of glass in his greenhouse, and severed a major blood vessel.
  • That's horrible!
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    That's horrible!

    My thought as well, but if you've ever seen This is Spinal Tap it's life imitating art - there was an American band as well (Toto? Boston?) whose drummer also died in a gardening accident...

    (spoiler - one of Spinal Tap's drummers died in a tragic gardening accident)
  • On the BBC news pages this morning Man in Norway wakes to find huge container ship in garden. Absolutely factual, and really weird to see!
  • Indeed so!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    "That's odd. I could have sworn I planted petunias."
  • Trust the BBC to exaggerate. Only the bow of the ship was in the man's garden.
  • Isn't this like the neighbour kicking a ball over the fence - does he have to give it back?
  • Well, it could make a nice planter. Several trailing plants up top, a couple of climbing roses right at the bow...
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Trust the BBC to exaggerate. Only the bow of the ship was in the man's garden.
    Isn't this like the neighbour kicking a ball over the fence - does he have to give it back?
    So he would take a bow?

    Coat getting in progress.
  • Well, it's not burning gold - more of an orange-red colour.

    Apparently the Watch Officer fell asleep.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    And I thought the whole point of a watchman was that he didn't fall asleep ...

    BT - right with you re: "XXX dies as tributes pour in" - that particular mangling of the language drives me crackers.
  • And they've done another one today: "Free music festival taking place in Cardiff as ticket details released". Personally I think the tickets - let alone the details - should be released well before the event.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
  • If they were to delete the *as*, and insert a hyphen, the sentence would then make sense.
  • Piglet wrote: »
    AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
    Gosh, I can hear that from here, 300 miles away!

  • If they were to delete the *as*, and insert a hyphen, the sentence would then make sense.
    They could even use an endangered semicolon!

  • And what about this: "Louis Rees-Zammit catches cocktail can while water-skiing as Welshman lives dream with new partner".

    [To explain: Rees-Zammit is an ex-Wales rugby player now living in America]. The headline suggests that he is water-skiing and can-catching and that, at the same time, another unnamed Welshman is living their dream life - not so!
  • Let's give credit where credit is due: "Police issue update on investigation after boy, 16, dies ...".
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    If they were to delete the *as*, and insert a hyphen, the sentence would then make sense.
    They could even use an endangered semicolon!

    I think at some point earlier in this thread (and even I feel no compulsion to track it down) I speculated that they seem to think "as" operates as a period (or "full stop" to reference another thread). These headlines almost always make more sense if you substitute a period for the word "as."
  • Yes, that's true.
  • This (from "Nation.Cymru") is fine, but made me think twice: "Cardiff University research finds Amazon could survive drought, but at a high cost".

    No, not that Amazon, it's the other one!
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