Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • According to the Irish Times yesterday, 'Three babies committed speeding offences, Garda system shows'. The newspaper report seems to be perfectly accurate. The Garda data entry practices, however, seem to be in need of some improvement.

    They call me Baby Driver
    And once upon a pair of wheels
    I hit the road and I'm gone
    What's my number?
    I wonder how your engines feel?

    --Simon & Garfunkel, "Baby Driver"
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    When I consider the velocity with which some of my smaller relations can get across the planet, I'm not entirely surprised! :mrgreen:
  • Not a headline but fascinating content:

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg7r05zlx97o

    ‘The force commended her "high standard of investigation and care", after a man was seriously injured in a car crash and acknowledged her bravery after she chased a suspect with two zombie knives and a knuckle duster before detaining him.’
  • Weirdness, perhaps, lies in the ambiguity of *she chased a suspect with two zombie knives and a knuckle duster*...which of them was holding the weapons?

    A good story, though, Well done, that PC!
  • Suspect or not, I'd run from her if she was chasing me with two zombie knives and a knuckle duster!

    I'll second BF's thought, though. Bravo!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    What the hell's a zombie knife??? :fearful:
  • That was a new phrase to me. Apparently, it is: "A knife decorated with images or words suggesting that it is to be used to commit violence."

    How that would make it any more dangerous than a knife of the same size and shape but lacking the decorations is a puzzle to me.
  • Surprised you haven't seen Zombie knives in recent news broadcasts.
    From the images I have seen zombie they are large, sometimes with curved blades, and the cutting edge is toothed, or zig-zag shaped, They look as though they can do a great deal of damage. I have no idea how those who carry them don't do themselves harm, hidden, as they seem to be, within their clothing.
  • I assume that the person chased was holding a knife in each hand, and wearing the knuckleduster on one of those hands...they would have had a bit of a job to extract any other weapon from their clothing.
  • Weirdness, perhaps, lies in the ambiguity of *she chased a suspect with two zombie knives and a knuckle duster*...which of them was holding the weapons?

    A good story, though, Well done, that PC!
    Suspect or not, I'd run from her if she was chasing me with two zombie knives and a knuckle duster!

    I'll second BF's thought, though. Bravo!

    OK, I'll admit that my first thought was that the chaser had the zombie knives and knuckle duster. It wasn't until others pointed out that it probably was the chasee who had the weapons that I realized my error. Sometimes I am a bit thick :eyeroll:
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited December 2024
    It was a very satisfying image though, and I commend you for it!
  • According to this headline, the Oxford Wail thinks Charles Dickens' great great grandfather is alive and well and appearing on stage this Christmas!

    I'll add the text in case they realise they've screwed up (yeah right) and change it:
    Dickens' great great grandfather performs one man show of classic
  • According to this headline, the Oxford Wail thinks Charles Dickens' great great grandfather is alive and well and appearing on stage this Christmas!

    I'll add the text in case they realise they've screwed up (yeah right) and change it:
    Dickens' great great grandfather performs one man show of classic

    They have changed it. I was impressed that someone can still perform at the age of 300.
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    edited December 2024
    According to this headline, the Oxford Wail thinks Charles Dickens' great great grandfather is alive and well and appearing on stage this Christmas!

    I'll add the text in case they realise they've screwed up (yeah right) and change it:
    Dickens' great great grandfather performs one man show of classic

    They have changed it. I was impressed that someone can still perform at the age of 300.

    I was confused there - turns out that I had written the post about the change and not posted it... eejit!

    I'm surprised the OM have read their headline enough to change it, TBH, they are notorious locally for printing utter crap.
  • From "Wales Online": Hooded cheese thief frantically raids convenience store chiller.

    What is "hooded cheese"?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Gouda? In that little wax wrapping?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    From "Wales Online": Hooded cheese thief frantically raids convenience store chiller.

    What is "hooded cheese"?

    You could send the thief up here - I've got enough cheese to last me into my dotage! 🙃
  • There's such a thing as enough cheese? Who knew? The thief obviously didn't, or he wouldn't have been so frantic...
  • There was sadly a bad accident on the main local dual carriageway this morning. However I'm not sure about "Wales Online's" comment that "The westbound side of the carriageway on Eastern Avenue remains closed in both directions."
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    If Wales Online thinks that the westbound carriageway has two directions, it might not be long before there's another one. :(
  • Indeed so.
  • A doozy on the Oxford Wail's news page- In Pictures - Frog, frost and minus temperatures across Oxfordshire.

    Link below, though you need to scroll down and as it's a rolling page it will eventually fall off the bottom of it.

    https://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/

    Disappointingly, the headline on the article is correct.
  • Feezing frog, was it?
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    edited January 13
    Feezing frog, was it?

    🤣
  • From the "i": "Brilliant Trump reaches last four".

    [This is actually about snooker!]
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Well, let's face it there's absolutely nothing brilliant about his namesake!
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    From the "i": "Brilliant Trump reaches last four".

    Me, I was wondering who he replaced - War, Famine, Pestilence or Death?
  • All of them.
    :grimace:
  • From the "Ipswich Star": Bottomless pizza restaurant opens up in Ipswich street.

    Sounds dangerous, especially after news of sinkholes opening up. And won't the filling fall out?
  • Or it might mean the opposite of topless, and if so, that's as much as I wish to know about it, thank you.
  • Or it might mean the opposite of topless, and if so, that's as much as I wish to know about it, thank you.

    Alas! That's how I first read it...
    :grimace:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Djokovic quits mid-match and walks off to boos, putting Zverev in Australian Open final vs. Sinner

    I admit that I was not expecting that headline to take a religious turn....
  • I hope he enjoyed his boosing...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    [serious point]
    It was a bit unfair for the crowd to boo him; he was injured and in pain. I know they'd paid a lot of money for their tickets, but couldn't they do with a bit of compassion?

    I don't always agree with Djokovic, but you can't deny he's a great player, and it would be a shame if his career were to end on an injury.

    Just my 2p.
    [/serious point]
  • Piglet wrote: »
    [serious point]
    It was a bit unfair for the crowd to boo him; he was injured and in pain. I know they'd paid a lot of money for their tickets, but couldn't they do with a bit of compassion?

    I don't always agree with Djokovic, but you can't deny he's a great player, and it would be a shame if his career were to end on an injury.

    Just my 2p.
    [/serious point]

    Indeed. He may have been a bell end at times, but they don't give multiple grand slam titles out with the towels. If he's crocked, he's crocked, and booing won't change it.
  • From "Wales Online" (yet again): The £90,000 slab of tarmac going to auction in popular Cardiff suburb that you've probably never noticed. For goodness sake, surely a popular suburb must have been noticed by lots of people!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Why do they want £90,000 for a slab of tarmac? Has it got a house on it?

    OK, that's maybe wishful thinking; I can't help remembering that our first house (in Carrickfergus, Northern Ireland, in 1988) cost £21,950, and for £90,000 we could probably have got a decent-sized house in one of the rather more desirable areas of Belfast.

    Now I think about it, we sold our second house (in a reasonably respectable area of East Belfast, in 2003) for £92,000, having bought it for £46,500 eight years before. Mind you, peace had broken out in between, of which we were able to take full advantage ... :mrgreen:
  • Promotional plug on Facebook:

    If the world produced helium like Saskatchewan, the CO2e impact would be like 4 billion new trees growing for 10 years.

    I had no idea the world produced that much Saskatchewan…

    @Piglet still have good memories of Carrickfergus from visiting that part of the world in 1996.
  • Actually a lovely story, and exactly the sort of thing that gets my gusset knotted, but what a headline!

    Ancient Egyptian Breadcrumb Found in Museum Store

  • From BBC website: "Gatland future in doubt as Wales leave Rome in ruins". Actually, if you go to Rome, I think you'll find Rome is still standing. The ruined bits have been there for centuries.
  • Where is Gatland? Is it next on Trump's list (or Wales's) for conquest and ruination?
  • Sssh! Don't let him know about its existence!
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Bot strictly a headline, but an extract cited by the Church Times this week from its obituary at the time to Baron von Hügel who died on the 27th January 1925, and which IMHO could have been written in a way that was less ambiguous. It is not as clear as it might be that the last sentence - I presume - is not actually accusing 'much popular Anglican writing' of being difficult to follow and being written in a way that 'does not attract the ordinary reader'.
    "He laboured under the disadvantages of a peculiarly involved and intricate style: a sort of galvanized English which, while often incisive and sometimes brilliant, requires a constant effort, and while it always repays study, does not attract the ordinary reader. He has been an instructor of teachers. He has left to others the task of popularizing what he has reflected. His influence can easily be traced in much popular Anglican writing."

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited February 11
    I think that counts as *damning with faint praise*!
    Sssh! Don't let him know about its existence!

    As you may have guessed, I first read Gatland as Gotland - the big Swedish island in the Baltic which used to have lots of lovely 3-foot gauge railways...
  • Just read on Bluesky Social:
    Grenade Official Postpones Concert Amid Low Promotion Concerns

    It might be a good idea to consider giving higher promotions to those with ready access to grenades.

    In case you were wondering, apparently "Grenade Official" is the name of a Ugandan singer. It showed up on the Bluesky cricket feed because the concert was to be held at the Lugogo Cricket Oval
  • "Wales Online" once again put things in the wrong order: "Huge fire breaks out at primary school as hundreds evacuated from scene". No, the fire broke out and then people were evacuated.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    It would have been all right if they had reversed the order of the headline, “Hundreds evacuated from scene, as huge fire breaks out primary school.“
  • Exactly.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    It's not just Wales Online that does that; the tabloid newspapers whose headlines appear on my computer* do the same (the Mirror and Daily Record are particularly guilty), and (not to put too fine a point on it) it drives me crackers.

    * I have no idea why GBeebies and the Daily Fail's headlines show whenever I open the interweb on my work computer; I've never asked for them ( :flushed: ), but I can't seem to get rid of them. At least I get the Grauniad and the Indy as well!
  • Wales Online, bless its little heart, seems to consider "as" to be an acceptable substitute for a period.

    "Huge fire breaks out at primary school. Hundreds evacuated from scene" would have been fine. A headline yesterday was the same way. I forget the exact wording but it was to the effect: "Body found as murder investigation starts." That sounds odd, but "Body found. Murder investigation starts." works well.

    Even right now, WO offers: "Mass brawl erupts in centre of Welsh town as eight men arrested." No, the arrests did not cause the brawl. What they meant was "Mass brawl erupts in centre of Welsh town. Eight men arrested."
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