Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • They're the ones that'll play "Shine Jesus Shine" while Their Eminences are humming "Mother, At Thy Feet Is Kneeling."
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Another confusing Guardian headline, a source that keeps giving:
    Even slow-moving boats likely to kill endangered right whales in a collision, study finds

    Whut?!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Grauniad typos strike again?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited December 2020
    Thank you! That's sad: all other whales are wrong whales!

    Though if Right whales are endangered, they will soon be no more, i.e. in the wrong, and all the other, wrong whales will be right, and be saying ' We've always told ya.' Perhaps the Prince of Wales can set the right wrong, or the right right, or whatever, seeing that he is into preservation?
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    "Christmas in Florida: Chilly forecast, falling iguanas" (AP, via Yahoo).

    The iguanas are alive, BTW. Response to cold weather.
  • From today's Philadelphia Inquirer: Ire over LGBTQ mural destroyed

    I suppose it is nice that, on Christmas Day, they found a way to destroy ire. But, of course, that is not what they meant.
  • Maybe due to a typo error, the Cardinals were actually selecting bowel movements.
  • dang it, I got on the wrong page again.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    dang it, I got on the wrong page again.
    That itself nearly is a nice (head)line of utter weirdness, fear ye not. :)

    And here's a rare typo from CNN:
    A homeless man rescued all the animals at a shelter after it caught on fire
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Another slightly confusing headline from CNN right now:
    McConnell moves to combine Trump asks in potential 'poison pill' for stimulus checks
  • See, I know what all these words mean, separately, but as a sentence it makes no sense to me at all.
  • I think it means McConnell is trying to block the stimulus checks by combining two parts of Trump's proposal (which are? who knows?), but I don't think I could have drafted such a confusing headline even if I'd tried...



  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Cathscats wrote: »
    See, I know what all these words mean, separately, but as a sentence it makes no sense to me at all.
    I agree. Even if 'asks' is a noun rather than its more normal third person singular verb it still doesn't make sense.

  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Marsupial's got it right. There's a current US colloquial usage of "asks" that means "requests", "demands", etc. I don't think T's asks are limited to two, though.
  • That's the first I've heard of that usage, although I don't usually keep an ear tuned to the utterances of the devil.
  • You’ve heard of verbing nouns; now we noun verbs too. :smile:
  • Marsupial wrote: »
    You’ve heard of verbing nouns; now we noun verbs too. :smile:

    We always have.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    "Asks" didn't originate from T. I doubt he even uses it.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Another query about this mystery headline. I'm assuming 'checks' is a noun, not a verb. I don't think there's a workable syntax if it's a verb. But are the 'checks' what we'd mean over here by 'checks', 'occasions when something is checked' or are they what we'd spell 'cheques', i.e. 'a bill of exchange drawn on a banker payable on demand'?

    Even with @Marsupial's help, it still doesn't make sense with either meaning.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    In this case, "checks" = "cheques". Earlier this year, the fed'l gov't distributed $1200 (?) checks to most (?) Americans as an economic stimulus and aid to survival.

    There's been a lot of wrangling over sending another check. Congress finally settled on $600. T suddenly announced he wouldn't sign the bill into law, and that there should be a $2000 check instead. Many, many jaws dropped, even among Congressional and other noted Republicans. People are desperate for money, and their unemployment insurance checks ended just after Christmas, IIRC. Redoing the bill would delay getting much-needed money to them.

    There's lots more. Look up "US economic stimulus check", "Trump $2000", etc.

    I'm moseying toward sleep, so apologies if I made any mistakes.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    "Man arrested for roaming streets dressed as werewolf to scare people on New Year’s Eve in Pakistan" (Independent).

    Has pics. FYI: The mask is a particularly nasty one, to my sensibilities. Just a small warning, in case someone isn't in the mood for that.

    Oh, and there are some interesting quotes from social media.
  • I would imagine that New Year's Eve in Pakistan could use a little excitement.
  • From Wales Online: Body of 28-year-old man discovered in cemetery.

    Well, yes ... (although the story is obviously a sad one).
  • The "Sun" today has the headline: 1 in 50 has the virus; while the "Guardian" proclaims that 1 in 50 have (it). My first instinct was that the "Sun" is correct and that the "Guardian" got it wrong - but they could each be using different forms of ellipsis: 1 person in 50 has ... vs 1 in 50 people have ..... Somehow I think the "Sun" is more correct but the "Guardian" sounds more natural. Call me a pedant if you like ...
  • It should be "has" even if it's "people", because that shit is within a prepositional phrase and thus not the subject; but an obvious plural occurring just before a verb tends to attract it into a matching form regardless of the facts of the sentence structure.
  • Language is fluid and evolves. In this kind of construction "has" has been evolving into "have" for many years. It's not 1066 anymore, Toto.
  • But it is "I can has cheezburger?" not "I can have cheezburger?"
  • But there are many 50s, and many 1s within the 50s groupings. I have no problem with a plural verb under these circumstances,.
  • Hedgehog wrote: »
    But it is "I can has cheezburger?" not "I can have cheezburger?"

    Different context. But nice try.
  • Just an odd grouping of headlines off the BBC website right now.

    Man held after armed raid in search of cat
    and, directly next to that:
    Siegfried from magic duo Siegfried and Roy dies

    If anybody could make a cat disappear.....
  • This isn't a headline but a quote in a news article that puzzled/bugged me:
    “Officers do not suspect foul play and are working with witnesses and Amtrak personnel to determine what led to the train striking the man,” Puyallup police said.

    What led to the train striking the man? It was moving and he was in the way. The question is why the hell was he in the way. It's not about the train; it's about the man.
  • Maybe the train misunderstood the instruction "Pu' y'all up"?
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Thx to Hedgehog's Cheezburger link, I found this:
    "Corgi butt or loaf of bread? Both are magical."
    With pics to compare!

    Hadn't been to that site in a lonnnggg time.
    :)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Guardian:
    Biden team plan shake-up to get coronavirus shots into US arms

    Vaccine bombs? Anti-virus missiles? A new arms race?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From CNN:
    Schools across Africa shutdown as Covid cases spike

    Errm... no, 'shutdown' is not a verb, it is 'shut down' - silly CNN!
  • I like that alot.
  • Alrighty, then!
  • mousethief wrote: »
    I like that alot.

    That makes me want to give you alot of hugs! I love these kinds of ways of defusing my own perfectionism and legalism.
  • "Biden team plan shake-up to get coronavirus shots into US arms" from back a few comments.

    Yes, please; shaken, not stirred. Distract the person getting the jab with a milkshake.
  • When I get a shot, I find it distracting when the person holding the needle is shaking.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    However, should one shot at - Lord have mercy! -, one may hope for a shaking hand of the perpetrator.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    *Sorry - be shot at
  • Not a headline, but a street sign that was at an intersection in my community up until about a year ago. Not sure why it was removed.

    Every time I went by, I wondered how one enforced a High Collision Location.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    For reals:

    "Scientists Now Know Why Wombat Poop Comes Out In Cubes" (HuffPost).

    And yes, there are pictures.

    And said scientists published their research in the journal "Soft Matter". Seriously.
  • I'm seeing wombats crouching under a log going, "7 come 11, papa needs a new pair of shoes".
  • I suppose you could feed them raisins to supply the pips on the dice.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    LOL to both. Further down that page, there are pics of cute wombats with links to their stories.

    Re pips: Sesame seeds?
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Don't forget that wombats are muddle-headed, and any tasks they are given need to be pretty simple. Pips in poo sound a bit demanding to me.
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    They would be *eating* them, not pasting them on.
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