Headlines of Utter Weirdness

1222325272858

Comments

  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    AAAaaarrrgh ..... You mentioned the DH words! We're Doomed ...

    Good job the current MC thread is in Children's Cult TV Land...
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    mousethief wrote: »
    Whatever happened to the "string around the finger" custom?

    This is the direct cause of the "Why is this string around my finger?" custom.

    And the "why has the end of my finger gone blue?" custom.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    KarlLB wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Whatever happened to the "string around the finger" custom?

    This is the direct cause of the "Why is this string around my finger?" custom.

    And the "why has the end of my finger gone blue?" custom.

    And why has the end of my finger fallen off?
  • Lyda wrote: »
    KarlLB wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Whatever happened to the "string around the finger" custom?

    This is the direct cause of the "Why is this string around my finger?" custom.

    And the "why has the end of my finger gone blue?" custom.

    And why has the end of my finger fallen off?

    Why has my finger gone septic? And I can't feel my arm. It is all going dark......
  • Piglet wrote: »
    Could someone please find a Weird Headline to get us out of this loop? It's worse than when someone plays Dollis Hill in Mornington Crescent!

    Happy to oblige @Piglet.

    Hereford FC goalkeeper carries out interviews in underwear
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Thanks, @TheOrganist!

    Just his underwear, or was he wearing anything else? A football strip, perhaps? Goalies' gloves?

    Inquiring minds need to know!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    And where is he carrying them to? (Other than "out," obviously.)
  • If I ever came across an interview that was wearing underwear, I'd want it carried out too!
  • The local newspapers in the Welsh marches never fail to provide light relief, invariably unintentional.
  • Although I've never read it, I think that "The Monmouthshire Beacon" is a wonderful name for a local paper.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    The "Tyrone Constitution" was another good 'un.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    edited March 2021
    Do the good citizens of Co. Tyrone have particularly strong constitutions?

    Actually, now I think about it, I had a few friends from Dungannon who could sink a rare lot of alcohol in a good cause ... :mrgreen:
  • From BBC website: "Licensed beavers released in Wales for the first time".

    Buffy the Beaver with a Walther PPK pistol?
  • Piglet wrote: »
    Could someone please find a Weird Headline to get us out of this loop? It's worse than when someone plays Dollis Hill in Mornington Crescent!

    Oi! I resemble that remark!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Not the headline, but the first line of an article (from the BBC):
    Switzerland is to allow female members of the army to wear women's underwear for the first time in an effort to boost recruitment, local media report.
    I could be wrong, of course, but I have a sneaky suspicion that some of those "female members of the army" may possibly have worn women's underwear before, rather than it being their first time.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    P.S. I confess that I am wondering if that article is an early April Fool's Day prank.
  • Like Volkswagen changing its name to Voltswagen. The electric car is the people's car of the future, don't you know.
  • Like Volkswagen changing its name to Voltswagen. The electric car is the people's car of the future, don't you know.

    I still like its original name, the KdF-wagen. (As the management apparently said, out of earshot of the Nazi top brass, "How will we sell the Americans a car called the Strength through Joy-mobile?")
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    From USAToday today:

    175-foot-tall California redwood tree falls on car, killing parents

    No word yet on why the parents of a 175-foot-tall redwood tree were in the car in the first place.
  • Strength through joy. no doubt.
  • Hedgehog wrote: »
    From USAToday today:

    175-foot-tall California redwood tree falls on car, killing parents

    No word yet on why the parents of a 175-foot-tall redwood tree were in the car in the first place.

    He was adopted.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Like Volkswagen changing its name to Voltswagen. The electric car is the people's car of the future, don't you know.
    I'm afraid that was an April Fools' prank that quickly went out of hand, see e.g. BBC News; for more, CNN!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Hedgehog wrote: »
    Not the headline, but the first line of an article (from the BBC):
    Switzerland is to allow female members of the army to wear women's underwear for the first time in an effort to boost recruitment, local media report.
    I could be wrong, of course, but I have a sneaky suspicion that some of those "female members of the army" may possibly have worn women's underwear before, rather than it being their first time.

    Having just trawled through some Swiss news websites, it is a headline only with a few German-language papers, and no French-language or Italian-language ones. You could well be right.

    Like the 'Voltswagen' joke, it looks like something German speakers would find rather funny. But only them. (And it's also slightly sexist.)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Pardon the triple post: The 1957 BBC Spaghetti Harvest Hoax is still one of the classics, for those in search of seasonal weird headlines! :D
  • There's a very good April Fool in today's "i" about holiday-makers in Cornwall this summer being required to take a language exam in order to limit numbers. It's been written in a totally deadpan way and, considering the current immigration and vaccine passport debates, it is actually quite barbed. No link to an online version, I'm afraid.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Wesley J wrote: »
    Like Volkswagen changing its name to Voltswagen. The electric car is the people's car of the future, don't you know.
    I'm afraid that was an April Fools' prank that quickly went out of hand, see e.g. BBC News; for more, CNN!

    Who says the Germans don't have a sense of humour? :mrgreen:
  • If that's the best they can do, then I'd hate to see them grumpy.
  • Rev per MinuteRev per Minute Shipmate
    edited April 2021
    If that's the best they can do, then I'd hate to see them grumpy.

    I would suggest 1914 and 1939 as times when Germans were 'grumpy', but that might be somewhat unfair
  • If that's the best they can do, then I'd hate to see them grumpy.

    I would suggest 1914 and 1939 as times when Germans were 'grumpy', but that might be somewhat unfair

    Once all the Germans were warlike and mean
    But that couldn't happen again
    We taught them a lesson in 1918
    And they've hardly bothered us since then
    —Tom Lehrer, "MLF"
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Wesley J wrote: »
    Like the 'Voltswagen' joke, it looks like something German speakers would find rather funny. But only them. (And it's also slightly sexist.)
    It's a bit ponderous as a joke (should that be yok?) but could somebody please elucidate to an older person whose ears aren't always sensitive to these things how it's sexist?
  • My father (a native German speaker) always liked to tell his "little yolks". (A deliberate pun).
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited April 2021
    Enoch wrote: »
    Wesley J wrote: »
    Like the 'Voltswagen' joke, it looks like something German speakers would find rather funny. But only them. (And it's also slightly sexist.)
    It's a bit ponderous as a joke (should that be yok?) but could somebody please elucidate to an older person whose ears aren't always sensitive to these things how it's sexist?

    My bad. I was referring to the Swiss and their men-soldier folk imagining lady soldiers in frilly, lacey knickers and assorted delicate garments. Seeing that the military is often somewhat of a macho affair, I wouldn't be too surprised if that was the undertone.
  • If that's the best they can do, then I'd hate to see them grumpy.

    I think it is fair to say that some of the best humour about the UK in the last year has been coming from Germany.
  • Stabber of Store Owner Sentenced

    I guess that's better than store owner stabber. Still sounds weird.
  • If I were the owner of a store that someone stabbed, I'd owner-sentence him too!
  • To me, "Stabber of Store" sounds like some remote hamlet in Scotland or Ireland. But the question then arises: what was the owner sentenced for? And what did he own?
  • from the BBC "Penguin keeps furlough cash despite strong sales".

    Seems fair enough. Fish are expensive.
  • from the BBC "Penguin keeps furlough cash despite strong sales".

    Seems fair enough. Fish are expensive.

    But where would a penguin keep its cash?
  • In a snowbank, of course.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    <GROAN!!!>
  • from the South Wales Argus

    10 new Covid-19 cases in Gwent region as Walss records no new deaths

    ... so they're recording old deaths?
  • You know perfectly well what they mean!

    But there is a different question to be asked: what is a Covid case? Is it round, with spikes sticking out? Where is its handle? Has it got little wheels so you can pull it along? Will it fit in the luggage rack?

    There's clearly a business opportunity there, perhaps I should be on Dragons' Den.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    ... or perhaps not ... :naughty:
  • You know perfectly well what they mean!

    That's true of 90% of headlines posted here. Might as well close the thread if there's something wrong with that.
  • Well, fair enough.

    As with this headline from "Wales Online" about a fire (fortunately now extinguished) at the National Museum: "Smoke bellowing through the dome".
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Not printed, but live reporting on a large fire "being attended by eighteen timetables".
  • Well, the trains ignore their timetables, so the poor things need to find something to do. They might as well attend fires. They can bellow back at the smoke if the mood strikes them.
  • Sighting of 'disgusting sewage' raises concern at Chichester Harbour

    Presumably well-bred sewage is OK then?
  • Sighting of 'disgusting sewage' raises concern at Chichester Harbour

    Presumably well-bred sewage is OK then?

    It is Chichester. There are standards.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Sighting of 'disgusting sewage' raises concern at Chichester Harbour

    Presumably well-bred sewage is OK then?

    It is Chichester. There are standards.

    Presumably low class sewage from Council estates is piped to Portsmouth and disgorged untreated into the Naval Dockyard there, where it belongs.

    More seriously, it was always reputed that some Exclusive Brethren households took the principle of separation from the rest of us (Come out from among them etc 2 Cor 6:17) so far that they reorganised their drains so that their bodily emissions would not be contaminated by being mixed with everyone else's.

Sign In or Register to comment.