... the cats are being exceptionally loving and cuddable ...
I think animals have a sixth sense about cancer and people affected by it (directly or otherwise). The Sunday after D. died, I was invited to supper with friends, and their wee dog was very affectionate to me, bringing me her teddies (which they said she never usually does) and putting her paws on my lap.
When I told my sister about it, she said that when her husband was dying of liver cancer, their cat would curl up beside him in the vicinity of where his liver was, and keep him warm.
Piglet, love knowing that the dog was doing her best to comfort you. I stayed at my parents' place last summer for more than a month. As my dad became more ill, she rolled with the changes in the house. On the last morning, we found her asleep in my dad's chair. Kind of broke us right up.
Update: I had an MRI this morning. My brain is in good shape (well, physically); the dura has thickened, however, and will want watching. (But it's not lumpy or nodule-filled, so we're okay for now.) The new oncologist actually called at 6:30 of a Friday evening to inform me.
My mum's mastectomy has been brought forward to Wednesday. This is purely logistical, but it still faces me far more starkly with the reality of the current situation and the impending surgery. Prayers for me and for my family would be greatly appreciated: it's day surgery so my dad is going to be looking after her, and my sister and nieces will be at close quarters. It's going to have a profound effect on everyone, for a period which at the moment simply can't be predicted. Also, I can't discern how best I can be helpful, particularly since everyone is being obsessively stoical.
I'm presuming you are still at a distance from your parents' place. This is a purely practical suggestion and not at all one that will help you cope with other aspects of what is going on but my suggestion is to go out and buy ten "thinking of you" cards - funny and bright ones, not soppy ones. Buy the postage stamps too and address them all. Mark a schedule on the calendar of when you will send each one and try to think of nice memories of when you were kids that fit with the current time of year, news, activities going on, etc. If you can afford it, buy some small gift cards to local spots like food places or stores that have things like nice body cream or things that would be a treat and include them randomly in the cards.
I've been through this three times with my own mother but I was the sibling who lived close by. I did appreciate it when my brothers would ask when would be a good time to call and sometimes I prompted them on when to call too. One brother often sent flowers and fruit baskets and mom really appreciated these. I found that her having friends who had been through it to talk to made a big difference. Anything you can do to help her connect with her own friends could be a nice gesture.
That is the other problem - the focus that a crisis like this brings to relationships which have been troubled and subject to distortions for some considerable time.
Prayers for all affected by this particularly cruel disease.
This is not about Cancer but is on the theme of parents and living at a distance. I am about an hour and a half journey from my parents. My sister is about 30 minutes. We have developed a pattern. My sister is the first responder and I am the backstop. So this Saturday when Mum was suddenly taken into A&E my sister went down. At around 6 pm when Mum was not out of A&E I got the call to go. We handed over at about 8:15 pm when my sister went home to her family. I stayed with my Mum until after 2 am when she was taken to a ward. So it is me who took the lack of sleep of staying with someone late in the evening. Then my sister takes a heavier burden of the immediate care but I tend to take the hard shifts. There is a second labour split with my sister being the practical one and I the emotional one.
I am afraid they have never been able to get her to stop long enough to take the sample for cloning, as there are always more jobs to be done. My sister does not have the word procrastinate in her vocabulary. She sees a job to be done and does it. Often rushing in without thinking clearly through the consequences.
I am the opposite, I tend to think about the consequences too hard and procrastinate until it is too late.
Good news on the brain, Rossweisse, and on your oncologist.
Prayers for you, and for Thunderbunk and family - for the practicalities and the emotional and relationship stuff.
Thinking about what people have said about animals - my Mum died at home, and my Dad reports that the dog objected rather vocally when the undertaker came to take her away.
@Jengie Jon - While we appreciate the sentiment, and the difficulties, the thread you probably want to be posting this on is the Ageing Parents one in All Saints. Obviously, if the old folk become resistant, we have a Difficult Relatives thread I can bump...
Otherwise, I'd like to leave the path clear here for folk to rail about cancer.
(What is A&E in this context? I've heard of it as a newspaper section title for Arts & Entertainment, but I'm pretty sure that's not right for a hospital. ? & Emergency?)
Accident and emergency - UK equivalent of ER. Also known as Casualty.
Depicted (fairly well) in the UK TV series Casualty - though an elderly gent I took home early one morning, from A & E, was disappointed (he said) not to have seen the Doctors, Nurses etc., snogging, and canoodling, behind the screens, like on the telly...
Meanwhile, <votives> for families, and friends, trying to cope with their loved one's illness...a hard road, indeed, but sometimes with a positive outcome.
B., a faithful member of the congregation at Our Place, died earlier this year after 5+ years of bowel cancer, but (by the grace of God) was reconciled with his long-estranged son literally days before his, B.'s, death.
Mum's mastectomy is today and I'm rather preoccupied. They announced this morning that they would be keeping her in overnight. Not a bad idea but still something to get one's head around.....
Prayers for your Mum Thunderbunk. I would think an over night stay would be a good idea. Hubby had kidney out and home the next day. Not a great idea IMHO.
The operation seems to have been hassle-free, and she has since been conscious and holding normal conversations. So thank heavens for that much, anyway
@ThunderBunk , glad the operation went well. My mum had a much more minor operation and they kept her in, saying it was routine for elderly patients. Hope your mum gets home quickly. Having been to see my brother yesterday , hospitals are not somewhere you’d want to be long term.
Brother update - it looks like he’s stuck in hospital till the new year. He’s too weak to operate on, but they need to do that to sort out all the problems the previous operation caused. They got rid of the cancer, but seem to have mucked up various other internal bits!
I saw the radiation oncologist this morning, and the news is not good. He thinks the thickening of the dura mater is a precursor to the cancer spreading into the brain. He wants to radiate my brain. "I realize that's a problem," he said, "because you're still working, and a side effect is severe short-term memory loss." Yes, that is a problem; no, it won't be happening if I have anything to say about it - and I do.
Comments
@Galilit, feel better quickly!
@Robert Armin, you and the rest of Club Cancer are in my prayers.
I think animals have a sixth sense about cancer and people affected by it (directly or otherwise). The Sunday after D. died, I was invited to supper with friends, and their wee dog was very affectionate to me, bringing me her teddies (which they said she never usually does) and putting her paws on my lap.
When I told my sister about it, she said that when her husband was dying of liver cancer, their cat would curl up beside him in the vicinity of where his liver was, and keep him warm.
I've been through this three times with my own mother but I was the sibling who lived close by. I did appreciate it when my brothers would ask when would be a good time to call and sometimes I prompted them on when to call too. One brother often sent flowers and fruit baskets and mom really appreciated these. I found that her having friends who had been through it to talk to made a big difference. Anything you can do to help her connect with her own friends could be a nice gesture.
Prayers ascending, @ThunderBunk.
How kind of the dr to call after-office-hours - and on a Friday!
#teamRossweisse
Prayers for all affected by this particularly cruel disease.
Prayers for all affected ascending.
I am the opposite, I tend to think about the consequences too hard and procrastinate until it is too late.
Prayers for you, and for Thunderbunk and family - for the practicalities and the emotional and relationship stuff.
Thinking about what people have said about animals - my Mum died at home, and my Dad reports that the dog objected rather vocally when the undertaker came to take her away.
Otherwise, I'd like to leave the path clear here for folk to rail about cancer.
DT
HH]
Depicted (fairly well) in the UK TV series Casualty - though an elderly gent I took home early one morning, from A & E, was disappointed (he said) not to have seen the Doctors, Nurses etc., snogging, and canoodling, behind the screens, like on the telly...
Meanwhile, <votives> for families, and friends, trying to cope with their loved one's illness...a hard road, indeed, but sometimes with a positive outcome.
B., a faithful member of the congregation at Our Place, died earlier this year after 5+ years of bowel cancer, but (by the grace of God) was reconciled with his long-estranged son literally days before his, B.'s, death.
And another.
(Not that rest of you on this thread don't deserve my sympathy, but Piglet's recent loss seems so shockingly sudden).
* the nosebleeds, not the tissues
Brother update - it looks like he’s stuck in hospital till the new year. He’s too weak to operate on, but they need to do that to sort out all the problems the previous operation caused. They got rid of the cancer, but seem to have mucked up various other internal bits!
@Sarasa - Oh, hell! I'm so sorry.
I saw the radiation oncologist this morning, and the news is not good. He thinks the thickening of the dura mater is a precursor to the cancer spreading into the brain. He wants to radiate my brain. "I realize that's a problem," he said, "because you're still working, and a side effect is severe short-term memory loss." Yes, that is a problem; no, it won't be happening if I have anything to say about it - and I do.
Bugger.