Ship Quotes File (New Drawer)

124

Comments

  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    This is lovely:
    Piglet wrote: »
    I can't contain my apathy ... :mrgreen:

    {Somewhat distorted and annoying loudspeaker.}
    "Apathy spill in aisle 4. Clean up in aisle 4, please. No, Trudy, of course you don't have to do it now--just whenever you feel like doing it, ok? Sure, you can bring your boyfriend along, and sure, he can help clean. But he's *not* getting paid--and if you don't get a move on, neither will you!"
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Oh, that is epic! Not in several of my best days strung together could I have ever formulated that.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Rossweisse nails it in the Prayers for America thread in AS:
    This is a terrible time in the life of the United States. We are meant to be a shining light upon a hill; instead, we're being ruled by a creature born of some sort of spontaneous combustion in a dung heap ...
  • Some excellent sarcasm and word play at the same time.
    She wouldn't know intersectionality if she ran into it at a traffic light.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Lamb Chopped, as ever says beautifully:

    "Carrying a cross is a major commitment, and it would suck to realize you'd grabbed the wrong one just two minutes before Amazon pulled up and delivered you your very own, one-of-a-kind fits-you-like-you-were-born-with-it cross."
  • CathscatsCathscats Shipmate
    Beware of any belief system that is private as opposed to personal and individualistic as opposed to individual.

    Said by @ExclamationMark in the Take up your cross thread in Purgatory. Excellent pithy advice.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Bishop's Finger provides the best description I've ever seen for the feeling when your dental anaesthetic's beginning to wear off:
    ... one side of my face felt as though it belonged to someone on the other side of the street ...
  • lilbuddhalilbuddha Shipmate
    From @Soror Magna
    Shakespeare nailed it: a man may smile and smile and be a total douchebag, and now he's all like, "What's your problem? I was smiling the whole time. You're so rude!"
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Alan Cresswell displays a deep understanding of the Reformation in All Saints:
    Piglet wrote: »
    I can't help thinking that the Reformer machine sounds like an instrument of torture, possibly employed by the Spanish Inquisition ...
    to which Alan replied:
    Maybe something more likely to be used by the followers of John Knox, brought out if you leave your laundry out to dry on the Sabbath. The Scottish Inquisition.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Firenze describing an exhausting day on the Scottish thread in AS:
    Gardened myself into a state of advanced puggle.

    For the non-Scots - puggled - very tired, possibly following physical exertion
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Aha, thx for the new word! :)
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    From Pangolin Guerre:

    I look forward to the day that Canada and Mexico peacefully resolve their border dispute.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    That's pure gold! <notworthy>
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    To this question from @Simon Toad
    Simon Toad wrote: »
    Trump is doing all this in broad daylight. What is he doing in the dark of night?

    @Boogie has a succinct answer
    Boogie wrote: »

    Tweeting gibberish.

    :mrgreen:
  • Colin SmithColin Smith Suspended
    edited August 2020
    From @Marvin the Martian
    If I’m capable of playing cricket then I’m capable of changing my own damn nappy.
  • Concerning a sportscaster who blurted a no-no into a hot mic then tried the "that's not who I am" defense:
    lilbuddha wrote: »
    I think his apology came from his wallet.

  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    KarlLB wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    The problem arises when one does indeed take that approach, and is met by silence.

    Which is, in itself, an answer, I suppose.

    It depends on how you set the question up. "Lord if you don't want me to steal this bike, speak to me in a voice from heaven. Time's up. Bike's mine."

    You'd fill your pants if the skies did open and a voice said "which bit of Thou Shalt Not Steal wasn't clear?"

    True this.
  • Karl, to someone who made what he felt was a grossly unwarranted assumption:
    KarlLB wrote: »
    ...I think seeing where you got that from would require a doctor and a very small camera.
  • la vie en rougela vie en rouge Purgatory Host, Circus Host, 8th Day Host
    Penny S imagines a musical version of the British Government's Coronavirus management:
    Penny S wrote: »
    Pity Mr Purcell is not around at the moment. I am invisaging a smallish opera. It will have a set with several circular layers which will rotate in the manner of the set for Oliver. Along the front of stage will come Virgil, and Dante, explaining their journey (or perhaps, less operatically, Bill and Ted). On the levels will appear in sequence the dramatis personae listed above, explaining the reason for their being there, somewhat in the manner of the king of Boetia (sp) in Orpheus in the Underworld. And then, across the backdrop, via CGI will appear the countless innocents dead before their time, mounting stairs copied from "A Matter of Life and Death" and singing of their unfinished lives before they are raptured into a great light. And the Hell trapped Tories sing in answering chorus, that they followed the science, they did what they thought was best. And Satan, triumphant, points out that it was what they thought was best for their pockets and not for the people. And even then, the Tories do not despair, do not repent. Jacob Rees-Mogg steps forward and sings that all were carping, none recognised how much good they had done, and anyway he had been to confession. But Satan pulls him back on to the rotating set and sings that that only works if you really mean it.
    Dante and Virgil exit stage left, with Dante singing that nothing ever changes, and Virgil agrees.
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    edited September 2020
    From the Replacement for Ruth Bader Ginsberg thread:
    Only in America is the idea that women are people "leftist".
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    Oh, I can think of many other countries that qualify, or worse.
  • Golden Key wrote: »
    Oh, I can think of many other countries that qualify, or worse.

    Perhaps you never heard the story of the old New York Jewish lady who, on learning that there had been a Jewish mayor of Dublin said, "Only in America!"
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    {comment tangent}
    LOL.

    But many countries, cultures, societies don't think of women as people--definitely not "equal to men" people"

    {end comment tangent}
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Zappa gets rather surreal in conversation with Foaming Draught on the OZ/NZ thread in AS:
    Have I ever told the story of the trophy panties in the wainscoting overhang of St Meatworks by the River?
  • From the indefatigable pen (keyboard) of Lamb Chopped, on the Non-Christian Miracleworkers' thread:
    Whoa, whoa, WHOA. There is no freaking way I am telling God what to do. Why should he "share power more freely?" Considering the human race, that sounds like "share chainsaws with a kindergarten class more freely." I wouldn't share permanent markers with some people, and God is surely wiser than I.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    @Dafyd neatly explains the Health Secretary's failings on the Matt Hancock thread in Hell (with help from Thomas Cranmer):
    Dafyd wrote: »
    ... He hath not employed those people whom he ought to have employed; and he hath employed those people whom he ought not to have employed; And there is no health in us.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Stercus Tauri on the results of the American election is worthy of preservation:
    ... Biden's 'Soul of America' campaign has finally kicked trump's Arsehole of America ...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    In Hell, Eirenist has the measure of what'll happen after Brexit:
    Eirenist wrote: »
    We will continue to drive on the left and vote on the right.

    I hope he's only half right ...
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    This gem of an exchange between Ricardus and Dafyd on the Brexit thread in Hell deserves preservation:
    Dafyd wrote: »
    Ricardus wrote: »
    Personally I find it disappointing that the only place in Tesco where you can buy tripe is the Polish section.
    Doesn't Tesco stock the Daily Express any more?
  • lilbuddhalilbuddha Shipmate
    edited November 2020
    Diego Maradona travels to return God's hand.
  • lilbuddha wrote: »
    Diego Maradona travels to return God's hand.

    What does this have to do with ship's quotes?
  • Obviously in the wrong thread.

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    No worries, @lilbuddha - I thought about getting an Admin to move it (Hosts don't have power to move single posts to another thread), but I was fairly sure it was just an understandable mistake - it's very easily done.

    Piglet, Circus host
  • @Doc Tor regarding the generosity of spirit of one Mr Rees-Mogg:
    He's the kind of man who'd read A Christmas Carol backwards so that it has a happy ending.
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Doublethink:

    "If BJ [Boris Johnson] shook my hand I would count my fingers."
  • @Sighthound of teachers

    I can think of many people who "taught" me who were not fit to teach ivy to climb a wall ... 😂
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    In the British thread in AS, @Firenze began pondering the declension of the word "Tesco" and it got rather out of hand:
    Firenze wrote: »
    Or possibly Tesco, Tescere, Tesci, Tescum

    Asda, Asdas, Asdat?

    Asda, Asdas,I love a glass
    Of a cider or Prosecco
    Of the wines of Thrace I nominate a case
    That I will gladly neck-oh
  • Lamb ChoppedLamb Chopped Shipmate
    edited January 2021
    To be honest I think if in 4 years time it came down to Trump or Zombie Carter I'd be rooting for the brain eater.
    Dafyd wrote: »
    At least zombies have a coherent strategy and value brains.

    Well, you are what you eat.
  • I was just coming down to post this. 😁
  • DafydDafyd Hell Host
    edited January 2021
    Arethosemyfeet considers the multiple authorship theory for the Gospel of John:
    If it was written by a community my hypothesis is that they talked about it for ages, hemmed and hawed about what to put in, going round in circles until one of them got frustrated, went home and wrote it themselves. The writer then brought it to the community who approved it with barely concealed relief that someone had got it done. The writer, who thought they'd written a draft for discussion, then didn't dare point out the placeholders where they'd been unsure about the order of events, and kept quiet about nobody spotting that they'd managed to miss the institution of Holy Communion.
  • An awful lot like how the U.S. Constitution was written, I'll trow.
  • mousethief wrote: »
    An awful lot like how the U.S. Constitution was written, I'll trow.

    Thank you for teaching me a new (old) word. :)
  • :hattipsmiley:
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I'm assuming it's the verb from whence we get troth, as in what I plighted when I got married?
  • Piglet wrote: »
    I'm assuming it's the verb from whence we get troth, as in what I plighted when I got married?

    Kinda sorta. Troth comes from truth, and truth and trow both come from a proto-Germanic ancestor with an asterisk (which is also as you might guess the source of true).
  • Golden KeyGolden Key Shipmate, Glory
    That asterisk must've been painful for the proto-Germanic ancestor.
    ;)
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    This gem from Stercus Tauri on the tangent in TICTH in AS about the perils of living below people who are, shall we say, enthusiastic in the sack, deserves preservation:
    When we lived in Fife we had a dear old neighbour in the flat below us, and when we told her that out second child was on the way, her response was, "I'm not surprised".
  • Piglet wrote: »
    This gem from Stercus Tauri on the tangent in TICTH in AS about the perils of living below people who are, shall we say, enthusiastic in the sack, deserves preservation:
    When we lived in Fife we had a dear old neighbour in the flat below us, and when we told her that out second child was on the way, her response was, "I'm not surprised".

    Oh that's priceless.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host, 8th Day Host
    tclune responding to a comment about the prayer at President Biden’s inauguration.
    tclune wrote: »
    Alan29 wrote: »
    I thought the prayer was very odd. Quite a lot of it consisted of reminding God of what he already knows.

    And what kind of prayer would consist of things that God doesn't already know?
  • That's not just quotes file material, it's Purgatory thread material...
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