Limerick

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  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There was an Old Person from Cheddar
    Whose love life was just getting deader
    He met a young floozy
    Who wasn't too choosy
    But he wasnt up to it, so fled 'er

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a young lady from Brie
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    jrw wrote: »
    There was an Old Person from Cheddar
    Whose love life was just getting deader
    He met a young floozy
    Who wasn't too choosy
    But he wasnt up to it, so fled 'er


    Can't believe you eschewed "....bed her."
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was a young lady from Brie
    Who was suddenly washed out to sea
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a young lady from Brie
    Who was suddenly washed out to sea
    Some men on a schooner

  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There was a young lady from Brie
    Who was suddenly washed out to sea
    Some men on a schooner
    Would have rescued her sooner
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There was a young lady from Brie
    Who was suddenly washed out to sea
    Some men on a schooner
    Would have rescued her sooner
    If it hadn't been time for their tea.
    When learning to play the piano

  • When learning to play the piano
    I realised that anyone can know
    One note from another
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    When learning to play the piano
    I realised that anyone can know
    One note from another
    And sing ‘Blow the wind Souther-
    ly’, ‘Ash Grove’ or ‘Bobby Shaftoe’

    —— ——
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    BroJames wrote: »
    When learning to play the piano
    I realised that anyone can know
    One note from another
    And sing ‘Blow the wind Souther-
    ly’, ‘Ash Grove’ or ‘Bobby Shaftoe’

    —— ——
    Nice one! *applauds*


    They say Bobby Shaftoe's at sea


  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    They say Bobby Shaftoe's at sea
    Which isn’t quite true because he
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    They say Bobby Shaftoe's at sea
    Which isn’t quite true because he
    Knows my good friend
    Who comes from Southend
    And I saw them today taking tea.


    The Ash Grove is shady when hot

  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    The Ash Grove is shady when hot
    Why heat should cause shade I know not
  • The Ash Grove is shady when hot
    Why heat should cause shade I know not
    Leaves filter the rays
    On very warm days
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    edited July 2022
    The Ash Grove is shady when hot
    Why heat should cause shade I know not
    Leaves filter the rays
    On very warm days
    Why not at my Vesuvian Ash Grove plot?

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    A girl reading news on the beeb
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    A girl reading news on the beeb
    Always pronounced ee as eeb
    Caused so much confusion
    A man named Ron Hughesion
    Could not get to Southend on Seab

  • A newshound keen for a story
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A newshound keen for a story
    Was suddenly hit by a lorry
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    A newshound keen for a story
    Was suddenly hit by a lorry
    And as he lay dying
    He couldn't help trying
    To make it a headline that's gory.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    That last line of mine sounds kind of forced. I'm gonna do a re-write...

    A newshound keen for a story
    Was suddenly hit by a lorry
    And as he lay dying
    He couldn't help trying
    To frame it as lurid and gory



  • Agreed - much better!
    :wink:

    There was an Old Man in a Bus
  • There was an Old Man in a Bus
    Who felt like a bit of a wuss
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    There was an Old Man in a Bus
    Who felt like a bit of a wuss
    When he paid the whole fare
    To nobody there

  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    There was an Old Man in a Bus
    Who felt like a bit of a wuss
    When he paid the whole fare
    To nobody there -
    Which caused him to swear and to cuss
    There was a Young Man on a Tram
  • Raptor EyeRaptor Eye Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    There was a Young Man on a Tram
    Swotting for an important exam
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There was a Young Man on a Tram
    Swotting for an important exam
    On the subject of knitting


  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    There was a Young Man on a Tram
    Swotting for an important exam
    On the subject of knitting
    He thought it befitting

  • There was a Young Man on a Tram
    Swotting for an important exam
    On the subject of knitting
    He thought it befitting
    To twiddle his needles and cram

    There was an Old Man in a Cab
  • There was an Old Man in a Cab
    Who had the gift of the gab

  • There was an Old Man in a Cab
    Who had the gift of the gab
    When asked for his fare
    He tore out his hair
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    There was an Old Man in a Cab
    Who had the gift of the gab
    When asked for his fare
    He tore out his hair
    Asked, "Do you accept Sherbet Dip Dab?"

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    edited July 2022
    There once was a man on a ship
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There once was a man on a ship
    Who thought he was cool, even hip
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    There once was a man on a ship
    Who thought he was cool, even hip
    But the girls on the deck
    Thought him rather a wreck

  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    There once was a man on a ship
    Who thought he was cool, even hip
    But the girls on the deck
    Thought him rather a wreck
    As he had, after breakfast, a kip.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate

    There once was a blushing young bride
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    There once was a blushing young bride
    Who on make-up could not decide
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    (Minor change to your line for better flow)

    There once was a blushing young bride
    Who on make-up just couldn't decide

  • There once was a blushing young bride
    Who on make-up just couldn't decide
    It took her a week
    To powder one cheek
  • There once was a blushing young bride
    Who on make-up just couldn't decide
    It took her a week
    To powder one cheek
    And that was just the inside.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022

    There once was a handsome young groom
    Who thought: "This will sure be my doom."
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    There once was a handsome young groom
    Who thought: "This will sure be my doom,
    That my bride will doze
    As she powders her nose
    And we never get into the bedroom".

    ______________________

    When Christmas time comes in Tashkent
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    When Christmas time comes in Tashkent
    There's a man who each year has cash sent
    'Cause he knows all too well
    Choosing presents is hell
    And who knows where all that trash went

  • A swimmer who went for a medal
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited July 2022
    (Not sure if this makes sense, but hey, we live and learn...)

    A swimmer who went for a medal
    For the medal chose also to pedal
    And even to run:
    He thought triathlon's fun,
    But came last. It was too much to meddle.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    @Wesley J

    The last line makes sense if "meddle" means something like "interfere to change the game from one form to another", but that might be a bit of a shoehorning, given that the swimmer was not an outside actor. I'll do a slight re-write.


  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A swimmer who went for a medal
    For the medal chose also to pedal
    And even to run:
    He thought triathlon's fun,
    But for Darwin's Award he would settle.

    Not perfect, 'cuz it should be "a Darwin Award", but it's morbid, and I tried to retain your original connection between his athletic machinations and an unfortunate outcome.

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host

    Averting an unfortunate outcome
    For a Limerick is not to be outdone.
    For if we shoehorn
    We just harvest scorn
    And reading that Limerick is no fun.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    Well, just for the record, I thought
    That the rest of your verse was well-wrought
    The story was strong
    And it flowed like a song
    But the logic(as you said) was fraught.
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