There was an Old Person from Cheddar
Whose love life was just getting deader
He met a young floozy
Who wasn't too choosy
But he wasnt up to it, so fled 'er
There was an Old Person from Cheddar
Whose love life was just getting deader
He met a young floozy
Who wasn't too choosy
But he wasnt up to it, so fled 'er
There was a young lady from Brie
Who was suddenly washed out to sea
Some men on a schooner
Would have rescued her sooner
If it hadn't been time for their tea.
When learning to play the piano
When learning to play the piano
I realised that anyone can know
One note from another
And sing ‘Blow the wind Souther-
ly’, ‘Ash Grove’ or ‘Bobby Shaftoe’
When learning to play the piano
I realised that anyone can know
One note from another
And sing ‘Blow the wind Souther-
ly’, ‘Ash Grove’ or ‘Bobby Shaftoe’
—— ——
Nice one! *applauds*
They say Bobby Shaftoe's at sea
They say Bobby Shaftoe's at sea
Which isn’t quite true because he
Knows my good friend
Who comes from Southend
And I saw them today taking tea.
The Ash Grove is shady when hot
There was an Old Man in a Bus
Who felt like a bit of a wuss
When he paid the whole fare
To nobody there -
Which caused him to swear and to cuss
There was a Young Man on a Tram
There was a Young Man on a Tram
Swotting for an important exam
On the subject of knitting
He thought it befitting
To twiddle his needles and cram
There was an Old Man in a Cab
There once was a man on a ship
Who thought he was cool, even hip
But the girls on the deck
Thought him rather a wreck
As he had, after breakfast, a kip.
There once was a handsome young groom
Who thought: "This will sure be my doom,
That my bride will doze
As she powders her nose
And we never get into the bedroom".
When Christmas time comes in Tashkent
There's a man who each year has cash sent
'Cause he knows all too well
Choosing presents is hell
And who knows where all that trash went
(Not sure if this makes sense, but hey, we live and learn...)
A swimmer who went for a medal
For the medal chose also to pedal
And even to run:
He thought triathlon's fun,
But came last. It was too much to meddle.
The last line makes sense if "meddle" means something like "interfere to change the game from one form to another", but that might be a bit of a shoehorning, given that the swimmer was not an outside actor. I'll do a slight re-write.
A swimmer who went for a medal
For the medal chose also to pedal
And even to run:
He thought triathlon's fun,
But for Darwin's Award he would settle.
Not perfect, 'cuz it should be "a Darwin Award", but it's morbid, and I tried to retain your original connection between his athletic machinations and an unfortunate outcome.
Well, just for the record, I thought
That the rest of your verse was well-wrought
The story was strong
And it flowed like a song
But the logic(as you said) was fraught.
Comments
Whose love life was just getting deader
He met a young floozy
Who wasn't too choosy
But he wasnt up to it, so fled 'er
Can't believe you eschewed "....bed her."
Who was suddenly washed out to sea
Who was suddenly washed out to sea
Some men on a schooner
Who was suddenly washed out to sea
Some men on a schooner
Would have rescued her sooner
Who was suddenly washed out to sea
Some men on a schooner
Would have rescued her sooner
If it hadn't been time for their tea.
When learning to play the piano
When learning to play the piano
I realised that anyone can know
One note from another
I realised that anyone can know
One note from another
And sing ‘Blow the wind Souther-
ly’, ‘Ash Grove’ or ‘Bobby Shaftoe’
—— ——
They say Bobby Shaftoe's at sea
Which isn’t quite true because he
Which isn’t quite true because he
Knows my good friend
Who comes from Southend
And I saw them today taking tea.
The Ash Grove is shady when hot
Why heat should cause shade I know not
Why heat should cause shade I know not
Leaves filter the rays
On very warm days
Why heat should cause shade I know not
Leaves filter the rays
On very warm days
Why not at my Vesuvian Ash Grove plot?
Always pronounced ee as eeb
Caused so much confusion
A man named Ron Hughesion
Could not get to Southend on Seab
Was suddenly hit by a lorry
Was suddenly hit by a lorry
And as he lay dying
He couldn't help trying
To make it a headline that's gory.
A newshound keen for a story
Was suddenly hit by a lorry
And as he lay dying
He couldn't help trying
To frame it as lurid and gory
There was an Old Man in a Bus
Who felt like a bit of a wuss
Who felt like a bit of a wuss
When he paid the whole fare
To nobody there
Who felt like a bit of a wuss
When he paid the whole fare
To nobody there -
Which caused him to swear and to cuss
There was a Young Man on a Tram
Swotting for an important exam
Swotting for an important exam
On the subject of knitting
Swotting for an important exam
On the subject of knitting
He thought it befitting
Swotting for an important exam
On the subject of knitting
He thought it befitting
To twiddle his needles and cram
There was an Old Man in a Cab
Who had the gift of the gab
Who had the gift of the gab
When asked for his fare
He tore out his hair
Who had the gift of the gab
When asked for his fare
He tore out his hair
Asked, "Do you accept Sherbet Dip Dab?"
Who thought he was cool, even hip
Who thought he was cool, even hip
But the girls on the deck
Thought him rather a wreck
Who thought he was cool, even hip
But the girls on the deck
Thought him rather a wreck
As he had, after breakfast, a kip.
There once was a blushing young bride
Who on make-up could not decide
There once was a blushing young bride
Who on make-up just couldn't decide
Who on make-up just couldn't decide
It took her a week
To powder one cheek
Who on make-up just couldn't decide
It took her a week
To powder one cheek
And that was just the inside.
There once was a handsome young groom
Who thought: "This will sure be my doom."
Who thought: "This will sure be my doom,
That my bride will doze
As she powders her nose
And we never get into the bedroom".
______________________
When Christmas time comes in Tashkent
There's a man who each year has cash sent
'Cause he knows all too well
Choosing presents is hell
And who knows where all that trash went
A swimmer who went for a medal
For the medal chose also to pedal
And even to run:
He thought triathlon's fun,
But came last. It was too much to meddle.
For the medal chose also to pedal
And even to run:
He thought triathlon's fun,
But for Darwin's Award he would settle.
Averting an unfortunate outcome
For a Limerick is not to be outdone.
For if we shoehorn
We just harvest scorn
And reading that Limerick is no fun.
That the rest of your verse was well-wrought
The story was strong
And it flowed like a song
But the logic(as you said) was fraught.