Limerick

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  • One day as I basked in the sun
    (An unusual event - I'm a Nun)
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    One day as I basked in the sun
    (An unusual event - I'm a Nun)
    A passing priest


  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    One day as I basked in the sun
    (An unusual event - I'm a Nun)
    A passing priest
    Walked on by, or at least
    That's the way that the story was spun

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    jrw wrote: »
    One day as I basked in the sun
    (An unusual event - I'm a Nun)
    A passing priest
    Walked on by, or at least
    That's the way that the story was spun


    Subtle. I had to read it twice to get the implications.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    JRW, I think you win the interweb for today! :mrgreen:

    This next one's dedicated to my late mum (who really was called Hetty):

    There once was a lady called Hetty
    Who one day was cooking spaghetti
  • There once was a lady called Hetty
    Who one day was cooking spaghetti
    By adding some GIN
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    There once was a lady called Hetty
    Who one day was cooking spaghetti
    By adding some GIN
    (In fact, a whole bin)
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    There once was a lady called Hetty
    Who one day was cooking spaghetti
    By adding some GIN
    (In fact, a whole bin)
    She spilled it all onto the settee.
  • A gentleman who went for a pint
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    One day as I basked in the sun,
    Wth few thoughts of the work to be done

    Hostly Note: Please always reload a page before posting. Sometimes other posts will have happened in the meantime. Many thanks. - Wesley J, Circus Host
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    So we have:

    A gentleman who went for a pint
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A gentleman who went for a pint
    Met a young lass and said "Hi, ain't
    It a pleasure..."

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A gentleman who went for a pint
    Met a young lass and said "Hi, ain't
    It a pleasure..."
    Said she "No. I can't measure
    How rude you are and how unkind!"
    Let's continue with Gee D's:

    One day as I basked in the sun,
    With few thoughts of the work to be done
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Thanks for the patching.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    One day as I basked in the sun,
    With few thoughts of the work to be done
    I went for a swim
    Caught a Basking Shark's fin
    We rode off. My work that day? None! :)
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    On a hot summer's day, on my patch
  • On a hot summer's day, on my patch
    The Measles I happened to catch
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    On a hot summer's day, on my patch
    The Measles I happened to catch
    I broke out in spots
    But I sure had the hots
    For the nurses my doctor dispatched.

    I think "dispatched" rhymes if read with a reduced "d"



  • stetsonstetson Shipmate

    We read in the Gospel Of Luke

    "Read" pronounced as "reed", to indicate habitual activity
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    We read in the Gospel Of Luke
    That Jesus ran into a kook
    Who said "I'm the Lord!"
    Then our Saviour implored:
    "Okay, but can I be the Duke?"



  • A doctor who suffered with cold hands
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    A doctor who suffered with cold hands
    Found it rather a pain to hold glands

    We can keep this clean and assume thyroid glands or some such.

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A doctor who suffered with cold hands
    Found it rather a pain to hold glands
    His patients moaned "Ewww!"
    And they threatened to sue
    So he quit, and he split, and sold vans.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    A former doc, now van seller
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited July 2022
    A former doc, now van seller
    Once met for more cash his bank teller
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    A former doc, now van seller
    Once met for more cash his bank teller
    He thought her a doll
    So he quoted St. Paul

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    A former doc, now van seller
    Once met for more cash his bank teller
    He thought her a doll
    So he quoted St. Paul
    And asked if she read Joseph Heller.

    "Is this just a Catch-22?"
    Said the teller, all blushing in blue.

    Don't worry. I've never read that book, nor seen the film, and I will not judge the quality of anyone's references. And you obviously can go without referencing it as well.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    Since no one seems to be biting on my contorted liteary references, I'll do a re-write...

    A former doc, now van seller
    Once met for more cash his bank teller
    He thought her a doll
    So he quoted St. Paul
    And lines from the movie Old Yeller.
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    "Epistles and dogs turn me off"
    She said with a cute little cough
    "But something from Mark
    And a dance in the park..."
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    Piglet wrote: »
    JRW, I think you win the interweb for today! :mrgreen:
    Thank you very much
    Ok...

    "Epistles and dogs turn me off"
    She said with a cute little cough
    "But something from Mark
    And a dance in the park..."
    Then let's watch a film starring Tim Roth

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    "Well, I don't really care for Pulp Fiction"
    He stated in delicate diction.
    "But maybe Rob Roy...

  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    "Well, I don't really care for Pulp Fiction"
    He stated in delicate diction.
    "But maybe Rob Roy
    Will give me some joy

  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    "Well, I don't really care for Pulp Fiction"
    He stated in delicate diction.
    "But maybe Rob Roy
    Will give me some joy
    Or else my Miss Marple addiction"


    While choosing some ale in the offy...
  • While choosing some ale in the offy
    I bought one flavoured with toffee
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    While choosing some ale in the offy
    I bought one flavoured with toffee
    Then some peppermint scotch

  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    While choosing some ale in the offy
    I bought one flavoured with toffee
    Then some peppermint scotch
    Which I spilled on my crotch
    While trying to spike up my coffee.




  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    While buying my lady some flowers
  • NenyaNenya All Saints Host, Ecclesiantics & MW Host
    While buying my lady some flowers
    In a queue that would take several hours

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited July 2022
    While buying my lady some flowers
    In a queue that would take several hours
    I decided instead
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    While buying my lady some flowers
    In a queue that would take several hours
    I decided instead
    To buy her a bed

  • kingsfoldkingsfold Shipmate
    While buying my lady some flowers
    In a queue that would take several hours
    I decided instead
    to go back to bed

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    While buying my lady some flowers
    In a queue that would take several hours
    I decided instead
    To buy her a bed,
    As the most exquisite of bowers.

    or

    While buying my lady some flowers
    In a queue that would take several hours
    I decided instead
    To go back to bed
    And pass the most pleasant of hours.


    While rowing an eight on the Thames
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    While rowing an eight on the Thames
    I waved at some pretty young dames
  • jrwjrw Shipmate
    While rowing an eight on the Thames
    I waved at some pretty young dames
    They waved and screamed madly
    Had they seen Tony Hadley?
    No. I realised my boat was in flames

  • Ha ha nice one @jrw

    We got caught in the thunder and lightning
  • stetsonstetson Shipmate
    We got caught in the thunder and lightning
    And I felt my poor bowels untightening

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited July 2022
    We got caught in the thunder and lightning
    And I felt my poor bowels untightening
    With a gush and a fit,
    The boat filled ... being lit
    By a flash, with a bang, and most frightening.

    (and did anyone think I was about to give way to a terrible temptation there?)
    ______________________

    With a lurch first to left then to right

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    With a lurch first to left then to right
    Then another lurch which caused great fright
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    stetson wrote: »
    While choosing some ale in the offy
    I bought one flavoured with toffee
    Then some peppermint scotch
    Which I spilled on my crotch
    While trying to spike up my coffee.

    Some help please. What's an "offy"?
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    It means Off-License - but you can google these things you know.
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