Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • I would have thought she would have murdered them first, and then their bodies would be discovered. Talk about shooting a dead horse!

    Re Vista Outdoor: Google is our friend,
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited July 2024
    Yes, a brief pause, equating to a comma, after *parents*, would have been appropriate...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Or even, not murdering her parents would have been appropriate?
  • Oh, I wouldn't go that far.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    :D
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Bulgarian team finds marble god in ancient Roman sewer

    Who was the God of Marbles? Aggie?
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Hedgehog wrote: »
    Bulgarian team finds marble god in ancient Roman sewer


    Who was the God of Marbles? Aggie?
    😂🤣😍👍👍👏👏
    Brilliant!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited July 2024
    They're clearly diggin' it!
  • According to the Washington Post, England, on brink of another exit, rallies again to keep Euro run alive. I do not follow sports, and was exceeding confused on reading this headline two days after the election.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Whenever you turn on the telly, or read the newspapers, you need to be sure you know whether you're going to be yelling at politicians or footballers. :mrgreen:
  • O just yell at them all - they're all the same (or so we're told)...
    :naughty:
  • Perhaps not quite a headline, but there's an announcement on the Didcot Railway Centre website telling us we can buy gifts with our Virgin Experience Vouchers (there was another thread for this kind of thing, but it has evaporated).
  • On the ever-reliable TV news headline crawl:

    Man hospitalized after shooting in Chandler.

    I warned you -- Chandler is NOT the place to go shooting in!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Ahhhh, good ol' Wales Online:

    Armed police swoop on Welsh town after reports of man with knife

    Imagine the response if they knew he had a spoon and fork as well!

    The article itself doubles down:
    Officers attended, included specially trained firearms officers as a precaution, and a 33-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of being in possession of a bladed article in public.
    A bladed article....? Was it a hockey stick? A patch of grass?
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    I think I'd prefer to hear that they'd swooped on the man with the knife rather than on some Welsh town. What has an entire community done that they should collectively deserve to be swooped on?

  • Officers attended, included specially trained firearms officers...

    Is a knife considered to be a firearm in Wales?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Enoch wrote: »
    I think I'd prefer to hear that they'd swooped on the man with the knife rather than on some Welsh town. What has an entire community done that they should collectively deserve to be swooped on?

    As a precaution. An informant had warned them that restaurants in town provide knives for the customers, and a high percentage of homes in the town possess a "bladed article" (not to be confused with the perpendicular pronoun).
  • And what did they swoop with? Red Kites? Sea Eagles?
  • With many colored brooms. (Apologies to Emily Dickinson)
  • From The Saffron Walden Reporter

    Housbuilder sponsors bouncy castles at Elsenham Youth FC
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Are they actually... bouncy castles builders, we wonder.
  • Meanwhile, our morning news doesn't disappoint again.

    Mountain lion spotted at Tuscon hospital

    I do hope it has insurance.
  • Hmm - are they sure it wasn't a leopard in disguise?
  • A typo in an article on "Nation.Cymru": "The novel mentioned had been drafted in an exquisite blend of heartbreak, despair, and hops in İstanbul".
  • Are they sure it wasn't in Casablanca?
  • No, they don't have hops there.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Meanwhile, our morning news doesn't disappoint again.

    Mountain lion spotted at Tuscon hospital

    I do hope it has insurance.

    A hospital has enough money to employ a lion spotter!
  • But what colour paint will the spotter use for the spotting?
  • Amanda! You made a boo boo and no one spotted it. Until I came along.

    Isn't it Tucson? Arizona? Or, was it spotted at a Tuscan hospital?
  • This headline, from the Glasgow Times (online), reads more like the start of a joke, but I couldn't find a punchline.

    "Two men ran into Glasgow park after 'incident' in shop"
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Did they escape scot free?
  • Or were their plans scotched?
  • The5thMary wrote: »
    Amanda! You made a boo boo and no one spotted it. Until I came along.

    Isn't it Tucson? Arizona? Or, was it spotted at a Tuscan hospital?

    True. It was the Arizona city. Mea culpa. Good catch.
  • This headline, from the Glasgow Times (online), reads more like the start of a joke, but I couldn't find a punchline.

    "Two men ran into Glasgow park after 'incident' in shop"

    The park escaped unharmed, but the men were taken to hospital with minor injuries.

  • From (guess what!) "Wales Online": Benefits cheat claimed £20,000 from PIP while running marathons. I'd have thought it was quite difficult to fill in those forms while running.
  • Pip's expectations might have been great, but I doubt he had £20,000 to give away
  • Sifting through old newspaper cuttings today (it's raining) I found an undated one from the New York Times: House Approves Missiles With Strings Attached. As a professional engineer, I feel qualified to suggest that this probably wasn't a good idea.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Meanwhile, our morning news doesn't disappoint again.

    Mountain lion spotted at Tuscon hospital

    I do hope it has insurance.

    A hospital has enough money to employ a lion spotter!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Gee D wrote: »
    Meanwhile, our morning news doesn't disappoint again.

    Mountain lion spotted at Tuscon hospital

    I do hope it has insurance.

    A hospital has enough money to employ a lion spotter!

    I'm sure it doesn't have to be a spotter as expert (and expensive) as Van Gogh.
  • From (guess where?) "Wales Online": "Loud bang heard as bomb experts cordon off Welsh beach". Surely the cordon went up before the bomb was detonated?
  • Maybe the experts were a bit late in arriving on the scene? Hopefully, no-one was killed or injured...
    :fearful: :flushed:

    Once again, we see the poor quality of local reporting. I've given up looking at our online news here, as it's so uniformly deficient as regards grammar, spelling, and syntax.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Edinburgh Live isn't much better.
  • Same publisher, innit?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I wonder if they all are?
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited July 2024
    Most of them are owned by Reach, which I believe is a subsidiary of the Mirror group. They took to buying up local papers a few years ago and now have an identikit style and employ fewer local reporters, I think.
  • That might well explain the uniform awfulness of their grammar etc..
    :disappointed:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    I grant your point about the poor grammar, but the truth is that there would be far less amusement in my life if Wales Online were ever to disappear.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Wesley J wrote: »
    Gee D wrote: »
    Meanwhile, our morning news doesn't disappoint again.

    Mountain lion spotted at Tuscon hospital

    I do hope it has insurance.

    A hospital has enough money to employ a lion spotter!

    I'm sure it doesn't have to be a spotter as expert (and expensive) as Van Gogh.

    !
  • BBC website: "'Boneless' chicken wings can have bones, US court rules".
  • Not surprising given the off-the-walledness of other recent rulings.
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