Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Cameron wrote: »
    From the BBC:

    UK inflation falls as meat and crumpet prices drop

    Not that bizarre perhaps, apart from the implied significance of crumpets in the national economy.

    I wonder if anyone will seize the economic opportunity and start selling burgers served between two crumpets?
    Bearing in mind the slang meaning of the word, perhaps it's the price of a different service that is now being included in the indices. One wonder, though, how the economists would be collecting their figures.

  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    "AI priest defrocked after saying babies could be baptised in Gatorade"

    (More joy from the Metro)
    https://metro.co.uk/2024/04/30/ai-priest-defrocked-saying-babies-baptised-gatorade-20748044/
  • Ridiculous! Should have used Irn-Bru - virtual, of course.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    edited May 2024
    That story is one of the weirdest I've encountered yet, misuse of religion, the machines taking over, handsome but oddly unlifelike artificial image. It's got almost the lot. The only thing apparently missing is any sexual ingredient of the 'missing vicar traced to love nest with choirmistress' variety.

    Gatorade, by the way, is something I've never heard of before. I had to look it up on google, but was what I'd guessed it might be.

  • From the "Ipswich Star": Homes without electricity after power cut. Well, they would be, wouldn't they!
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    From the "Ipswich Star": Homes without electricity after power cut. Well, they would be, wouldn't they!

    What next? Homes wet after flooding?
  • Who knows?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    And today's prize for Statin' the Bleedin' Obvious goes to ...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited May 2024
    ... the NHS for statin all the facts.

    You're welcome. :smile:
  • SandemaniacSandemaniac Shipmate
    edited May 2024
    Wesley J wrote: »
    ... the NHS for statin all the facts.

    You're welcome. :smile:

    Ah yes, the document that says "If you have high cholesterol, you eat too much fatty food, smoke, have too much fat round your middle and don't exercise enough".

    With the greatest of respect, I am none of those, and it's still high.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Sadness. We wish you well!
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited May 2024
    [Deleted]
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Sadness. We wish you well!

    TBH, I'm using it as a reason to grumble and eat more fish. It could be worse, and it's not that high. I just spat feathers at the advice letter.
  • I think this is a contender.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj7mry8yvrmo

    I struggle enough with links here, without being pished and using the phone on a bus, as I am on both counts.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Just to help, @Sandemaniac 's headline is
    Squirrels may have given medieval Britons leprosy

    A present? Was it their birthday?

    The article has a few lines that cause pause, such as:
    [Researchers] studied human and red squirrel bones from archaeological sites in Winchester, southern England...

    Yes. As one does.


  • Thank you, Hedgehog. I've never got the hang of inserting links on the new software, and trying whilst sloshed was never going to end well.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Hope you're not feeling too fragile today, Sanders! :wink:
  • A bitter shandy at high noon was just enough hair of the dog to put me back on my feet thank you!
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Good. :mrgreen:
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    Terror of the Viking Pussies - from the Daily Star, because of course it is …
  • ITTWACW!

    From today's Guardian:

    UK public invited to dance for worms to help assess soil health

    I know what they mean, but I have this surreal image of a crowd of Worms sitting around the dance floor, and applauding the dancers - but what with?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    edited May 2024
    All things considered, and if offered the choice, I think I would prefer to dance for worms rather than have a diet of them.

    (And, yes, I know that was low-hanging fruit. But if somebody doesn't pick it, it'll just go to waste.)
  • O.

    I always thought the diet of worms thing was an argument about what worms needed to eat...
  • No, that woukd surely a diet for worms ...
  • Ah. Maybe that explains why I'm not a Lutheran.
  • On this morning's TV news headline crawl:

    Construction to begin on new airport terminal; completion scheduled for late 20305

    Oh, do aim for early 20305, there's a sweet lamb.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Oh, you are being optimistic. With construction delays and material shortages, you'll be lucky to have it completed by 20310.
  • And I doubt if we'll still have airplanes then.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    No, we'll have some form of teleporting instead.
  • I had the good fortune to have been in Aberdeen a few weeks ago when that respected cultural icon of the North East, The Press and Journal, delivered up another of its gems: Taking the biscuit as Twix sends us back to the '80s. It wasn't just that a family had found a 40 year old Twix bar on a beach near Thurso that impressed me - it was the fact that it took up most of a page in the newspaper and included a family photo. It had been a quiet week in Aberdeen.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    I had the good fortune to have been in Aberdeen a few weeks ago when that respected cultural icon of the North East, The Press and Journal, delivered up another of its gems: Taking the biscuit as Twix sends us back to the '80s. It wasn't just that a family had found a 40 year old Twix bar on a beach near Thurso that impressed me - it was the fact that it took up most of a page in the newspaper and included a family photo. It had been a quiet week in Aberdeen.
    Did they eat it or put it in a glass case?

  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Enoch wrote: »
    Did they eat it or put it in a glass case?

    To swipe Jerry Seinfeld's line about Pop Tarts: It can't go stale because it was NEVER fresh!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    But, did the image of Our Lord appear on it? Or of Mary? Or of both? (Each on one of the Twixes)?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    I think I would have taken heed of the "best before" date ... :fearful:
  • Spending 40 years on Thurso beach would surely mean that the Twix would be ahem well-preserved, if not frozen...
  • There are lorries ...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    There are lorries ...

    Pardon me: this as a general remark, or in relation to the Twixxes and/or Thurso, please?
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    There are lorries ...

    Pardon me: this as a general remark, or in relation to the Twixxes and/or Thurso, please?

    It's a post posted on the wrong thread!

    Meanwhile, from "Wales Online": The straight out of a fairytale Welsh garden paradise next to a main road that's well worth the trip.

    Quite apart from the lack of hyphens between the words out-of-a-fairytale, why would I want to make a trip to see a main road?

  • Meanwhile, from "Wales Online": The straight out of a fairytale Welsh garden paradise next to a main road that's well worth the trip.

    Quite apart from the lack of hyphens between the words out-of-a-fairytale, why would I want to make a trip to see a main road?

    At least they got the apostrophe in the right place in *that's*...
    :wink:
  • True ... or should it have been "which is"?
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2024
    True ... or should it have been "which is"?

    *Which is* would indeed have been better, but one can't expect too much from local news outlets these days...
    :disappointed:

    Grammer speeling and punktwoation aint' tort in skool no more. O! for the day's of St Custards'!
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    From the BBC:

    Austrian man discovers mammoth bones in wine cellar

    "No, no, no. I ordered a magnum of Beaune!"
  • Which presumably makes that the oldest wine cellar ever known.
  • True ... or should it have been "which is"?

    *Which is* would indeed have been better. . . .

    It's the difference between a restrictive vs. nonrestrictive modifier, and an error commonly committed. We won't go into details here.
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited May 2024
    'Oo sez its an errur? Youv bin reeding that Mister Fowler again, 'avent you?
  • Ambiguous medical news from Aberdeen on the BBC recently: Robotic arm development aims to help stroke patients.
  • Please be gentle.

    On this morning's TV news headline crawl:

    Woman pronounced dead found alive at funeral home

    At least she knew where to go.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Crikey!!!
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited June 2024
    BBC again: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c0kkpqljdlko

    Why scientists are studying whales with a crossbow

    How do whales hold crossbows, never mind pulling the triggers?
  • "Wales Online": The nightclub hidden underneath a market you'd never know was there. I'd have thought that markets were hard to misss?
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