I told Darllenwr Graven Image’s joke and he said it reminded him of the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl - the one shoots but. can’t hit, the other hoots but can’t s**it
Turn away now if of delicate disposition.
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You have been warned
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Met a mate of mine down the pub last night.
"Any road" I said, "so you did it then?"
"Well, she was lying there stark naked in front of me. What else was I going to do?"
"The autopsy, man, the autopsy!"
Joke from Lucialet no2.
There are two wind turbines on a hill. One asks the other "What do you think of renewable energy?" The other replies: "I'm a big fan!"
Joke from Lucialet no2.
There are two wind turbines on a hill. One asks the other "What do you think of renewable energy?" The other replies: "I'm a big fan!"
I recently learnt that leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with an abundant water supply produce the softest leather and this is rated A. The leather from cows in the hottest, driest conditions is typically D Hide Rated
I recently learnt that leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with an abundant water supply produce the softest leather and this is rated A. The leather from cows in the hottest, driest conditions is typically D Hide Rated
This joke appears in the latest 'Church Times':
Archeologists in Egypt have just discovered a mummy which appears to have been embalmed in a layer of nuts and chocolate. The tomb was that of Pharoah Rocher.
My uncle Hamish came back recently from a trip to London. Had a wonderful time but found the other hotel guests noisy. "3am, they were shouting and banging on the walls and ceilings so loud" he said "I could hardly hear myself practicing the bagpipes!"
I went to the doctor's office today. The receptionist asked what I had. I told her, "Shingles" She took down my name, address, and insurance information. She told me to wait.
After a while, a nurse's aide came in and asked me what I had. I said "Shingles." She took me to a small room, took my temperature, pulse, blood pressure and weight. She told me to wait in the room.
Half an hour later, a nurse came in and asked me what I had. I told her "Shingles." She gave me an electrocardiogram, and a blood test. She told me to take off my clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later, the doctor came in and saw me in the nude waiting on a table for him. He asked me what I had. I told him, "Shingles." He asked "Where?" I replied, "On my truck. Out in the parking lot. Where do you want them?"
A lady at church today reminded me of an old story. Forgive me if yu've heard it before. A Christian couple bought their young son a teddy bear. And very nice it was too, except the eyes weren’t quite right. Their young son loved it but wondered about the name they had given it. ‘It’s ‘Gladly’ they told him. ‘Gladly? He asked’ ‘Gladly the cross-eyed bear’ they told him.
A lady at church today reminded me of an old story. Forgive me if yu've heard it before. A Christian couple bought their young son a teddy bear. And very nice it was too, except the eyes weren’t quite right. Their young son loved it but wondered about the name they had given it. ‘It’s ‘Gladly’ they told him. ‘Gladly? He asked’ ‘Gladly the cross-eyed bear’ they told him.
A youth group I worked with carried that motto. They had cross eyed bears for sale. Brings back memories.
An architect was hired to design an asylum and an adjacent university. On the avenue between he insisted that there should be a magnificent statue of a great cat. When asked what it was for, he replied:
"it's a very fine lion between genius and insanity"
An architect was hired to design an asylum and an adjacent university. On the avenue between he insisted that there should be a magnificent statue of a great cat. When asked what it was for, he replied:
"it's a very fine lion between genius and insanity"
An architect was hired to design an asylum and an adjacent university. On the avenue between he insisted that there should be a magnificent statue of a great cat. When asked what it was for, he replied:
"it's a very fine lion between genius and insanity"
True.
And, as anyone who has ever attended a university council meeting can attest, which side of the lion is which is anyone's guess.
Comments
Groan
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You have been warned
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Met a mate of mine down the pub last night.
"Any road" I said, "so you did it then?"
"Well, she was lying there stark naked in front of me. What else was I going to do?"
"The autopsy, man, the autopsy!"
Now, all the drinks are on the house.
There are two wind turbines on a hill. One asks the other "What do you think of renewable energy?" The other replies: "I'm a big fan!"
EXCELLENT
A: A C-S-ta.
So bad 😅
COAT! NOW!
That's so, so dreadful I've pinched it.
Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
Archeologists in Egypt have just discovered a mummy which appears to have been embalmed in a layer of nuts and chocolate. The tomb was that of Pharoah Rocher.
Boom boom!
If they catch them, I am sure they will receive a stiff sentence.
No doubt the defence will claim they are upstanding citizens.
If you don't spell 'Armageddon' correctly, it's not the end of the world.
What does the B stand for in Benoit B. Mandelbrot?
Shurely it's 'Benoit B. Mandelbrot'? I kept checking each iteration as it came up.
Nice.
Cannelloni - Scottish bank refusing to give an overdraft!
After a while, a nurse's aide came in and asked me what I had. I said "Shingles." She took me to a small room, took my temperature, pulse, blood pressure and weight. She told me to wait in the room.
Half an hour later, a nurse came in and asked me what I had. I told her "Shingles." She gave me an electrocardiogram, and a blood test. She told me to take off my clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later, the doctor came in and saw me in the nude waiting on a table for him. He asked me what I had. I told him, "Shingles." He asked "Where?" I replied, "On my truck. Out in the parking lot. Where do you want them?"
Evil Emperor: I wish you to wipe out all hominids
Minion: Is that an order my lord
Evil Emperor: No, it's a family
it's about how many times you get back up.
Cop: Sir - That's not how field sobriety tests work.
Q: Where did Noah keep the bees on the Ark?
Me: Okay, but what am I supposed to do with the letters?
Now this is excellent... and close to the bone...
A youth group I worked with carried that motto. They had cross eyed bears for sale. Brings back memories.
True.
And, as anyone who has ever attended a university council meeting can attest, which side of the lion is which is anyone's guess.
A nervous wreck.
An old, old one that I heard from my mother:
Noah asked the two snakes why they were crying. "You told us to go forth and multiply, but we can't - we're adders!"]
But cut down those two trees and we'll be fine.
That was terrible. Quite terrible - bad joke of the day, in fact.