Mrs G is in a care home now and it seems very good - only they are trying to 'involve' the Gamalielettes, which is fine in theory but in practice it's leading to them arguing and bickering and upsetting their mum. They contradict each other over minor points of detail because they are fraught, distraught and their emotions are in turmoil.
It all came to a head last night when, in her zeal to make her mum as comfortable the eldest accidentally broke the pump on the air mattress when lowering the bed.
I'd taken them aside individually on several occasions during the day to ask them not to bicker at the bedside but to go elsewhere if they wanted to discuss or argue about something.
The nurses were great, it wasn't their fault but in trying to involve the girls it's making things worse. We've been doing the lifting, the personal care and so on at home - another 48 hours and it would have broken all of us. We're exhausted. It's time we had help.
We've got relatives around this weekend and that should help. I'm finding it very hard, managing my own trauma and that of the girls. The girls get on but tensions between them have risen to the surface and they're trying to score points or to scapegoat one another in their anger, confusion and pain.
They can rationalise all this but no amount of my pleading with them to let these things drop for the sake of their mum who doesn't need this right now, appears to be having any effect.
You bastard, Cancer. You're not content to tear my wife's body apart. You're now trying to set my daughters against one another.
Things more settled today and the girls know to get out of the way now when the carers and nurses are doing the meds or washing and so on.
It's a real roller-coaster though. The eldest Gamaliette suggested I fetch down the boxes of photos to take in. I couldn't, I was in complete bits. But I later told Mrs G about them and she smiled that lovely calm smile of hers.
ION, our Brother R, whose partner Sister T is terminally ill with lung cancer, is sort of grasping at straws as Sister T has UP days and DOWN days, IYSWIM.
They both know (objectively at least) that T's time is short - a few months at best - but I can understand the straw-grasping, nonetheless.
All well here. The care home staff are wonderful and the Gamalielettes are doing brilliantly now they know how things work her and trust the staff.
We are grateful for these and other mercies.
Mrs G is as comfortable as can be expected. She can still hear and respond although her sight has faded and it's clear that she is beginning to lose various faculties and functions.
Bless her. May her sufferings not be prolonged and may she come to that place where there is no more crying, suffering or pain.
We are all in good heart, telling her how much we love her, thanking her for all she means to us.
Mrs G is as comfortable as can be expected. She can still hear and respond although her sight has faded and it's clear that she is beginning to lose various faculties and functions.
Bless her. May her sufferings not be prolonged and may she come to that place where there is no more crying, suffering or pain.
This.
GG, a most trying and difficult time for you all, but do please keep us posted if you can.
Fucking bloody cancer - I opened an Christmas letter that I thought was from an old workmate, I noticed the style of writing had changed, then a few paragraphs in realised it was written by her husband. E died of breast cancer in September. She is survived by her husband B, adult children and a couple of grandchildren..
Mrs G' passed away peacefully at 5am. The eldest Gamaliette was with her. I arrived shortly afterwards with the younger one. She looked as if she had just fallen asleep.
Gamma, I add my tears. Thank you for the privilege of hearing your story, and glimpses of the strength of your relationship. And the cost of the gift of love we have seen you give.
Comments
{{{GG}}}
You and your families are all in my prayers.
It all came to a head last night when, in her zeal to make her mum as comfortable the eldest accidentally broke the pump on the air mattress when lowering the bed.
I'd taken them aside individually on several occasions during the day to ask them not to bicker at the bedside but to go elsewhere if they wanted to discuss or argue about something.
The nurses were great, it wasn't their fault but in trying to involve the girls it's making things worse. We've been doing the lifting, the personal care and so on at home - another 48 hours and it would have broken all of us. We're exhausted. It's time we had help.
We've got relatives around this weekend and that should help. I'm finding it very hard, managing my own trauma and that of the girls. The girls get on but tensions between them have risen to the surface and they're trying to score points or to scapegoat one another in their anger, confusion and pain.
They can rationalise all this but no amount of my pleading with them to let these things drop for the sake of their mum who doesn't need this right now, appears to be having any effect.
You bastard, Cancer. You're not content to tear my wife's body apart. You're now trying to set my daughters against one another.
Sorry. I have no words. My thoughts and love are with you.
Just wish I knew you IRL and could do something practical to support you.
Praying for you all
Cancer really is vile- we have two friends here (both the fathers of young children) whose cancer is incurable. I hate it.
Praying for you all.
It's a real roller-coaster though. The eldest Gamaliette suggested I fetch down the boxes of photos to take in. I couldn't, I was in complete bits. But I later told Mrs G about them and she smiled that lovely calm smile of hers.
{{GG, Mrs GG, and the GGettes}}
ION, our Brother R, whose partner Sister T is terminally ill with lung cancer, is sort of grasping at straws as Sister T has UP days and DOWN days, IYSWIM.
They both know (objectively at least) that T's time is short - a few months at best - but I can understand the straw-grasping, nonetheless.
All well here. The care home staff are wonderful and the Gamalielettes are doing brilliantly now they know how things work her and trust the staff.
We are grateful for these and other mercies.
Mrs G is as comfortable as can be expected. She can still hear and respond although her sight has faded and it's clear that she is beginning to lose various faculties and functions.
Bless her. May her sufferings not be prolonged and may she come to that place where there is no more crying, suffering or pain.
We are all in good heart, telling her how much we love her, thanking her for all she means to us.
This.
GG, a most trying and difficult time for you all, but do please keep us posted if you can.
Meanwhile, prayers ascending.
Bless you all, too, for giving her what I am sure she most wants and loves to hear.
Huia, I'm sorry.
Huia, what a shock that must have been. I'm so sorry.
She looked herself once more.
MMM
{{for GG and family}}
Amen to this.
Light perpetual
I'm glad to read the "peacefully" though