Bad jokes

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Comments

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    It was a joke for goodness sake. Why are people taking it so seriously?

    Why couldn’t the python cross the road?

    Because he’d swallowed the chicken
  • jedijudyjedijudy Heaven Host
    [tangent]Where I live, the python would have swallowed an alligator! ;) [/tangent]
  • HarryCHHarryCH Shipmate
    Mousethief: (a) You are of course correct. (b) Who says logicians always tell the truth?
  • jedijudy wrote: »
    [tangent]Where I live, the python would have swallowed an alligator! ;) [/tangent]

    How about an 800 lb alligator?
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Why did the Hemingway chicken cross the road?

    To die alone. In the rain.
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    Why did the traitorous amphibian cross the road and then come back again?

    Because he was a double-crossing toad!
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    How many elephants can you get into a Mini?

    Two in the back and two in the front.
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    How do you know if you’ve had an elephant in your fridge?

    There are footprints in the butter
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    jedijudy wrote: »
    [tangent]Where I live, the python would have swallowed an alligator! ;) [/tangent]

    Maybe, but that would completely miss the point of the joke
  • How do you know that there are elephants in your house?

    Their mini is parked outside
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

    So they can hide in cherry trees.
  • What's the loudest noise in the Jungle?

    Giraffes eating cherries.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    That works better if the previous one was "Why do elephants paint their testicles red?"
  • Ariel wrote: »
    Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

    So they can hide in cherry trees.

    Have you seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

    See, it works!
  • SparrowSparrow Shipmate
    How many rhinoceroses can you get in a Mini?


    None, it's full up with elephants.
  • You do know why ducks have flat feet?

    The Elephants keep stomping on them.
  • SparrowSparrow Shipmate
    Why can't you get any painkillers in the jungle?

    Because the parrots eat em' all.
  • TelfordTelford Shipmate
    Early Nineteenth century women were delighted when a dalliance with a notorious poet was rewarded with a copy of his famous work, Don Juan, delivered anonymously to their home.
    Or as it became known, Byron, get Juan free.
  • FirenzeFirenze Shipmate, Host Emeritus
    Oh very good.
  • mousethief wrote: »
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    Eirenist wrote: »
    Just one flaw in that story. How did the wise man and his visitors live on the mountain, if it was so high that no plants or animals could survive? Sorry to be pedantic.

    It helps to suspend logic a bit.

    Acolytes bringing him food and drink. Simples.

    I thought that at first then remembered that people are animals too.

    So is the guru then which defeats your point. Clearly "survive" here must mean "make it their home."
  • Spike wrote: »
    It was a joke for goodness sake. Why are people taking it so seriously?

    Because they enjoy doing so. Perhaps lighten up?
  • HarryCH wrote: »
    Mousethief: (a) You are of course correct. (b) Who says logicians always tell the truth?

    Good point!
  • Sparrow wrote: »
    Why can't you get any painkillers in the jungle?

    Because the parrots eat em' all.

    I'd say that one is quite good!
  • My wife went to Costa Rica a few years ago. She would say the hooting monkeys there could use painkillers or tranquillizers.
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    My wife went to Costa Rica a few years ago. She would say the hooting monkeys there could use painkillers or tranquillizers.

    I don’t get it
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    I lost a lot of weight recently by wearing bread on my head.




    It’s a loaf hat diet
  • Spike wrote: »
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    My wife went to Costa Rica a few years ago. She would say the hooting monkeys there could use painkillers or tranquillizers.

    I don’t get it

    Nor I.
  • mousethief wrote: »
    Spike wrote: »
    It was a joke for goodness sake. Why are people taking it so seriously?

    Because they enjoy doing so. Perhaps lighten up?

    Because pointing out fallacies in jokes is also, actually, quite funny. I enjoyed the diversion. I think it extended the joke in a totally different way.
  • HuiaHuia Shipmate
    Telford wrote: »
    Early Nineteenth century women were delighted when a dalliance with a notorious poet was rewarded with a copy of his famous work, Don Juan, delivered anonymously to their home.
    Or as it became known, Byron, get Juan free.

    Telford, please don't take this the wrong way, but you have a talent for bad jokes. I miss my dad, who shared that talent.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    Huia wrote: »
    Telford wrote: »
    Early Nineteenth century women were delighted when a dalliance with a notorious poet was rewarded with a copy of his famous work, Don Juan, delivered anonymously to their home.
    Or as it became known, Byron, get Juan free.

    Telford, please don't take this the wrong way, but you have a talent for bad jokes. I miss my dad, who shared that talent.

    All fathers tell terrible jokes. We're sent away to a special school when we first become a father where we learn them, along with important Parentisms like "Now when I were a lad", "you'll have someone's eye out with that" and "I'm not telling you again".
  • DafydDafyd Hell Host
    (Say out loud.)
    How do you get two whales in a mini?

    You cross the Severn Bridge.

  • DafydDafyd Hell Host
    KarlLB wrote: »
    All fathers tell terrible jokes.
    Dafling minor thinks my jokes (mostly from this thread) are brilliant.

    (Dafling major's mileage may vary.)

  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Dafyd wrote: »
    (Say out loud.)
    How do you get two whales in a mini?

    You cross the Severn Bridge.
    Doesn’t work quite so well if your accent distinguishes between ‘w’ and ‘wh’.
  • Spike wrote: »
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    My wife went to Costa Rica a few years ago. She would say the hooting monkeys there could use painkillers or tranquillizers.

    I don’t get it

    Not a joke. I was reacting to the joke about not finding painkillers in the jungle because the parrots eat them. My point was that if any animal in the jungle should have a sedative or something it is the howling monkeys.
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    Ah. Your post had the form of a joke, but not the power substance.

    As for the joke you didn’t understand, you need to say it out loud, quite quickly to see/hear how it works
    parrots eat ‘em all
    para  - cet- am- ol
    
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    BroJames wrote: »
    Ah. Your post had the form of a joke, but not the power substance.

    As for the joke you didn’t understand, you need to say it out loud, quite quickly to see/hear how it works
    parrots eat ‘em all
    para  - cet- am- ol
    

    In the US I think that is
    tylenol
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    BroJames wrote: »
    Ah. Your post had the form of a joke, but not the power substance.

    As for the joke you didn’t understand, you need to say it out loud, quite quickly to see/hear how it works
    parrots eat ‘em all
    para  - cet- am- ol
    

    In the US I think that is
    tylenol
    Ah. According to Wikipedia that is a branded medication with the active ingredient being known in the US, Canada and some other countries not as
    paracetamol
    but as
    acetaminophen
  • ArethosemyfeetArethosemyfeet Shipmate, Heaven Host
    mousethief wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    Eirenist wrote: »
    Just one flaw in that story. How did the wise man and his visitors live on the mountain, if it was so high that no plants or animals could survive? Sorry to be pedantic.

    It helps to suspend logic a bit.

    Acolytes bringing him food and drink. Simples.

    I thought that at first then remembered that people are animals too.

    So is the guru then which defeats your point. Clearly "survive" here must mean "make it their home."

    That was my point - if no plants or animals can survive then clearly the guru can't either. Unless the acolytes are bringing oxygen, hyperbaric chambers and the like as well as food.
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    I think I made that point a while back.

    The joke has now been thoroughly deconstructed, scrutinized and held up to standards of logic and reason, and found wanting and replete with factual errors. (Yes, but was it any good?)

    A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the barman and says “I'd like a pint of beer.” The barman is stunned, but heads to the back of the bar to speak with the manager. He says, “There’s a horse in the bar asking for a pint of beer.” The manager pauses for a second, then replies, “Well, give him one, then, but charge him double. He's a horse, he's not going to know the price of a pint.” So the barman goes back out and pulls a pint for the horse. “You know,” says the barman, “we don’t get many horses around here.” To which the horse replies, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”
  • questioningquestioning Shipmate
    edited August 2023
    .
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    edited August 2023
    BroJames wrote: »
    BroJames wrote: »
    Ah. Your post had the form of a joke, but not the power substance.

    As for the joke you didn’t understand, you need to say it out loud, quite quickly to see/hear how it works
    parrots eat ‘em all
    para  - cet- am- ol
    

    In the US I think that is
    tylenol
    Ah. According to Wikipedia that is a branded medication with the active ingredient being known in the US, Canada and some other countries not as
    paracetamol
    but as
    acetaminophen

    I have back issues. When I was on holiday in Paris, I stopped in a pharmacie looking for Tylenol. The druggist gave me paracetamol.

    Does help to explain terms to people a bit.

    Now, to the horse in a bar joke. Shall we deconstruct it too?
  • Gramps49 wrote: »

    Now, to the horse in a bar joke. Shall we deconstruct it too?
    I'll bite: horses don't talk 🙄
  • Gramps49 wrote: »

    Now, to the horse in a bar joke. Shall we deconstruct it too?
    I'll bite: horses don't talk 🙄
    Gramps49 wrote: »

    Now, to the horse in a bar joke. Shall we deconstruct it too?
    I'll bite: horses don't talk 🙄

    They also would knock down a lot of furniture, I would imagine.
  • Silence is golden. Until you have children. Then it’s highly suspicious.
  • As in:
    Mum to daughter: 'Find out what little Tommy is doing, and tell him to stop.'
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    The only thing that flat earthers are afraid of is sphere itself
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    Spike wrote: »
    The only thing that flat earthers are afraid of is sphere itself

    YES
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    "My dog plays chess"

    "Wow, that's a pretty clever dog!"

    "Not really, I'd expect to beat him 2 times out of 3"
  • I'm totally bald, but I still own a comb. I just can't part with it.
  • That's a nice ham you got there. It'd be a shame if someone put an "s" in front of it and an "e" behind it.
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