Bad jokes

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  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    If it's not from the Êtille region of France, it's just flat water.
  • mousethief wrote: »
    If it's not from the Êtille region of France, it's just flat water.

    Sorry, I can't understand this!😶
  • EirenistEirenist Shipmate
    At the hospital:
    That man is a bit overweight, for a doctor, isn't he?
    Well, it goes with his specialism.
    What's that?
    He's a pie-dietrician.

    All my own work. All right, I'll get my coat.
  • Merry Vole wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    If it's not from the Êtille region of France, it's just flat water.

    Sorry, I can't understand this!😶

    French words beginning with êt are often from Latin words beginning with est which sometimes become English words beginning with st. Consider the êtats unis. Thus êtille might be from a (pretend) Latin word that became the English word still.
  • TelfordTelford Shipmate
    edited June 2023
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    Enoch wrote: »
    Gramps49 wrote: »
    After a long day, a commuter took a seat on the train and closed his eyes.
    A woman sat next to him. She took out her phone and called someone. "This is Sue. I am running late, hon. No, I swear there is no one else." The call went on for 15 minutes. Finally, the man spoke into the phone, "Hang up the phone, Sue, and come back to bed." Sue never used her phone in public again.
    Sorry and all that, but that's far too good to count as a Bad Joke.
    It was bad for Sue
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    Merry Vole wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    If it's not from the Êtille region of France, it's just flat water.

    Sorry, I can't understand this!😶

    I think Mousethief may have misspelled the word. I think it should be Estelle. I believe the region is known for its mineral water.
  • Gramps49 wrote: »
    Merry Vole wrote: »
    mousethief wrote: »
    If it's not from the Êtille region of France, it's just flat water.

    Sorry, I can't understand this!😶

    I think Mousethief may have misspelled the word. I think it should be Estelle. I believe the region is known for its mineral water.

    I literally explained my bad joke four and a half hours before you posted this.
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    A joke my father told me long ago...

    Once upon a time there was a dodgy geezer who used to inspect the tickets on double-decker buses. But he fell further and further into bad ways and even used to murder passengers sometimes. Once he was on holiday in the USA and repeated his activities there, but was caught and sentenced to the eletric chair. However, despite repeated attempts to execute him he remained miraculously unharmed and eventually the sentence was commuted.

    "I've never seen anyone survive the electric chair," said the prison governor, "how come you're still alive?"

    "Well," said the dodgy geezer, "it must be because I'm such a very bad conductor..."
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    I suvived the equivalent shock of an electric chair. I was 21. Three young women and I were climbing a 500 foot rock cliff when a storm came up. We hunkered down and finished the climb after it passed. When we got on top, we had a view of the canyon below. There was a high voltage line that also came up out of the canyon where we topped out. Little did we know the wind had caused a 100,000-volt wire.to wrap around a guide wire on the pole nearby. I reached up and touched the guide wire. They estimated I took 50,000 volts in three seconds.

    But I have never been turned on over any woman like that before or since,
  • Martin54Martin54 Suspended
    Heard the one about the Vietnamese refusenik?
    Noh Than Kyu.
  • Merry VoleMerry Vole Shipmate
    edited June 2023
    Where do you learn how to make ice cream?

    At Sundae School!
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    Merry Vole wrote: »
    Where do you learn how to make ice cream?

    At Sundae School!

    YES fantastic
  • Martin54Martin54 Suspended
    We had a mountain cattle farm. It was idyllic. Just me an my wife. We brought them down for the winter. There was a sudden ice storm, they stampeded for the byre, and killed her.

    I loved her till the cows came home.
  • EirenistEirenist Shipmate
    That Vietnamese refusenik might have met the disagreeable Burmese person, U Baw Me.
  • SparrowSparrow Shipmate
    Or the unfortunate Chinese gentleman, Wun Hung Lo.
  • Martin54Martin54 Suspended
    Sparrow wrote: »
    Or the unfortunate Chinese gentleman, Wun Hung Lo.

    Sounds fortunate to me!
  • Then there was the Vietnamese, Ho Li Kao.
  • Thanks—it also prevents me from going all pedant on you and telling you exactly how un-Vietnamese these names are. Kao? Seriously?
  • BroJamesBroJames Purgatory Host
    An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsmen walked into a bar.

    The barman looked at them all and said, “Is this some kind of joke?”

    [Previously posted on the wrong thread.]
  • Thanks—it also prevents me from going all pedant on you and telling you exactly how un-Vietnamese these names are. Kao? Seriously?

    Acknowledged and duly chastened. I confess that it was so old and I was so young when I heard it that I didn't stop to think about it - should have done, of course (at school, 1960s).
  • Forgiven. I heard them too in grade school.
  • Did you hear about the dog who ate nothing but garlic?

    His bark was much worse than his bite.
  • Q. What did Marshall Pierre Bosquet say when his first Kodak pictures came back from the chemists?

    A. C’est manifique, mais c’est ne pas Daguerre!
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    Merry Vole wrote: »
    Did you hear about the dog who ate nothing but garlic?

    His bark was much worse than his bite.

    Did you hear about the piano-playing dog?

    His Bach was much worse than his Bite-hoven

  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    Q. What did Marshall Pierre Bosquet say when his first Kodak pictures came back from the chemists?

    A. C’est manifique, mais c’est ne pas Daguerre!

    :mrgreen: I am not sure that qualifies as bad joke
  • ArielAriel Shipmate
    "Does your dog bite?"
    "No."
    "Oh, then why he is spreading mustard on my leg?"
  • Q. What did Marshall Pierre Bosquet say when his first Kodak pictures came back from the chemists?

    A. C’est manifique, mais c’est ne pas Daguerre!

    :mrgreen: I am not sure that qualifies as bad joke

    I've never known anyone I've told it to laugh at it
  • Loving all these jokes!
  • DoublethinkDoublethink Admin, 8th Day Host
    Q. What did Marshall Pierre Bosquet say when his first Kodak pictures came back from the chemists?

    A. C’est manifique, mais c’est ne pas Daguerre!

    :mrgreen: I am not sure that qualifies as bad joke

    I've never known anyone I've told it to laugh at it

    I did literally laugh out loud when I read that, I thought it was brilliant !
  • MarsupialMarsupial Shipmate
    Q. What did Marshall Pierre Bosquet say when his first Kodak pictures came back from the chemists?

    A. C’est manifique, mais c’est ne pas Daguerre!

    :mrgreen: I am not sure that qualifies as bad joke

    I've never known anyone I've told it to laugh at it

    I did literally laugh out loud when I read that, I thought it was brilliant !

    It is brilliant though it assumes quite a lot of knowledge - not too long ago it would have gone entirely over my head.

  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

    A shoe.
  • PriscillaPriscilla Shipmate
    An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Priscilla wrote: »
    An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
    No. Sorry @Priscilla IMHO that's rather good. Unless you really object (with reasons) I might keep it, to savour and perhaps use at an appropriate moment. Certainly, it doesn't qualify as a bad joke.


  • PriscillaPriscilla Shipmate
    Try this then:
    Has anyone tried using WD40 to get rid of mice?
    It doesn’t work but it does stop them squeaking.
  • Priscilla wrote: »
    Try this then:
    Has anyone tried using WD40 to get rid of mice?
    It doesn’t work but it does stop them squeaking.

    That one made me laugh! Thanks.
  • Priscilla wrote: »
    An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.

    Was it Barry Cryer (?) who said, "People used to laugh at me when I told them I wanted to be a comedian. Well, their not laughing now!"
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    I believe it was the much derided Bob Monkhouse!
  • Priscilla wrote: »
    An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.

    I read that and thought, "Boris..."
  • PriscillaPriscilla Shipmate
    Did you know that Yul Brynner supported Liverpool and didn’t wear aftershave?
    Yul never wore cologne.

    (A friend in church is responsible for these!)
  • Priscilla wrote: »
    Did you know that Yul Brynner supported Liverpool and didn’t wear aftershave?
    Yul never wore cologne.

    (A friend in church is responsible for these!)

    Oh, that is bad ....

    Have we had the modern worship song, "I will make you vicious old men"?

    Apologies if we have ....
  • EirenistEirenist Shipmate
    A truly memorahle modern mondegreen. The BBC is currently collecting them on is 7.15 Qunday morning Radio 4 programme.
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    Priscilla wrote: »
    Did you know that Yul Brynner supported Liverpool and didn’t wear aftershave?
    Yul never wore cologne.

    (A friend in church is responsible for these!)
    Yes. That is truly bad. No need to blame anyone else. Thank you.


  • PriscillaPriscilla Shipmate
    Another from I:
    I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and was surprised to be sent a dvd of The Two Ronnies.
  • Priscilla wrote: »
    Another from I:
    I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and was surprised to be sent a dvd of The Two Ronnies.

    Was the supplier South African by any chance?
  • TurquoiseTasticTurquoiseTastic Kerygmania Host
    A colleague has been putting up bad science jokes on the noticeboard:

    What do metallurgists do when they run out of bad jokes?
    They zinc up some new ones!
  • Priscilla wrote: »
    Did you know that Yul Brynner supported Liverpool and didn’t wear aftershave?
    Yul never wore cologne.

    (A friend in church is responsible for these!)

    For years the only knowledge I had of that song was its inclusion, the football supporters singing it, in the Pink Floyd song "Fearless."
  • RockyRoger wrote: »
    Priscilla wrote: »
    Another from I:
    I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and was surprised to be sent a dvd of The Two Ronnies.

    Was the supplier South African by any chance?

    It took me a couple of tries to get that. Yes - truly a bad joke.
  • Last night my wife ripped all the bedclothes off me. I was shocked. But I recovered.
  • SpikeSpike Ecclesiantics & MW Host, Admin Emeritus
    I’m thinking of getting rid of my vacuum cleaner. It’s just gathering dust.
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