Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Enoch wrote: »
    More seriously, it was always reputed that some Exclusive Brethren households took the principle of separation from the rest of us (Come out from among them etc 2 Cor 6:17) so far that they reorganised their drains so that their bodily emissions would not be contaminated by being mixed with everyone else's.

    :lol:
  • LydaLyda Shipmate
    Not a headline but from a review on All Recipes about a bacon jam recipe"

    "I made [sic] just as the directions dictated and have been laid numerous times as a result at multiple parties!" :lol:

    I always suspected bacon was an aphrodisiac...
  • In contrast to a Certain News Item dominating other media, I bring you this story from "Wales Online": https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/wally-tenby-walrus-returned-after-20357157
  • Up to 5 monkeys on the loose in Cincinnati, last seen in cemetery

    Up to 5 monkeys, but no more!
  • Suggests they're not sitting still to be counted!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    edited April 2021
    From the New York Times:
    Union Loss May Bring New Phase of Campaign Against Amazon
    Isn't continued deforestation enough? Do we we really need to fight against the mighty rainforest stream?
  • From the Independent: Pope will hope ‘extreme’ Indian examination helps him pass next test with flying colours.

    (Actually about a cricketer!)
  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    From the Independent: Pope will hope ‘extreme’ Indian examination helps him pass next test with flying colours ...
    "Oh Doctor I'm in trouble".
    "Well. Goodness, gracious me".
    Sophia Loren and the late Peter Sellers.
  • Boom diddy-boom diddy-boom ...
  • Piglet wrote: »
    Thanks, @TheOrganist!

    Just his underwear, or was he wearing anything else? A football strip, perhaps? Goalies' gloves?

    Inquiring minds need to know!

    I've sacrificed my google search history to your interest, and can tell you that the gentleman in question was wearing a pair of black briefs and a pair of flip-flops.
  • Intriguing caption to the first photo on the BBC website: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56703427
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Intriguing caption to the first photo on the BBC website: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56703427
    Cordelia and Sherlock have been learning about the duke's achievements since his death

    That one? It sounds slightly threatening.
  • Amazing what you can do from the grave.

    Actually, all kidding aside, I have a story to tell about my mother after she died, and something I'm convinced she caused to happen to my brother-in-law. But another time, another place.
  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Intriguing caption to the first photo on the BBC website: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56703427
    Cordelia and Sherlock have been learning about the duke's achievements since his death

    That one?
    The very same.
  • This, from "Wales Online", might be of interest: https://tinyurl.com/z9vzyct2
  • 🤣 priceless!
  • Young bear brunt of job losses during Covid crisis

    A tragedy. Will no one think of the young bears?
  • On the cover of the BBC Gardeners' World magazine: "On Test: Budget Mowers".

    I didn't know it went in for financial planning advice ... but I think most of us would like to have our budgets kept trim.
  • From the South Wales Argus

    Llandogo artist goes on display
  • Baptist TrainfanBaptist Trainfan Shipmate
    edited April 2021
    Self-portraits, presumably - even life drawings.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Wandering the web (as you do...), I've come across this gem of what appears to be a crowd-funding site for organic meat, from Switzerland! With English not their first language, they sometimes come up with rather interesting words and sentences.

    This is their headline:
    The Bio Swiss Crowd Butcher - From farmer to your door, your BioSuisse fresch (sic!) meat

    They really appear to butcher crowds. This seems like a bio hazard, if anything. And what I want to know, are crowds organic?

    (For those with a sarcastic mindset: Link)
  • Presumably they use knives and cleavers that have been certified by (the Swiss equivalent of) the Soil Association?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    We can only hope. Or certified Swiss army knives, those with the huge variety of blades?

    Perhaps they're operating as a branch of Dignitas, for the more hardy deathseekers?
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the Independent:
    Ghislaine Maxwell uses a sock to hide her eyes from guard checks

    One wonders how she manages to put two eyes into one sock.
  • By crossing her eyes and sitting cross-legged, of course.

    [Miss Amanda will fetch her pince-nez.]
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    !
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    CNN has this marvel:
    Athletics: Amputee Leeper's application to compete with running blades rejected
  • The Mid-Wales version of the Shropshire Star has this gem:

    Man jailed for rusty machete attack after taking 'awful lot of cannabis'
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Non-cannabis takers might have cleaned the machete first?
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    Why was he gaoled when he appears to be the victim of an attack?
  • I took it to be a comment on the quality of the weed 😯
  • From BBC Wales: Labour looking to win back seat from Plaid. Oh, come on: raise your expectations to a front seat.
  • This appeared some time ago on the BBC World News America feed, I think, but I fell victim to procrastination:

    Pregnant mummy revealed by scientists

    Tut tut. Just what's been going on in those Pyramids when we weren't looking?
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    If she is a Mummy, presumably it is not her first pregnancy. The question is: who is the Daddy?
  • Hedgehog wrote: »
    If she is a Mummy, presumably it is not her first pregnancy. The question is: who is the Daddy?

    The Daddy Ghost . . . (give it some time)
  • Hedgehog wrote: »
    If she is a Mummy, presumably it is not her first pregnancy. The question is: who is the Daddy?

    You're the daddy..... Oh dear.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From CNN:
    Prince accused after one of Europe's biggest bears was shot dead

    Knowing the late artist's career, wasn't he more into shooting himself with various substances? But shooting dead a bear? An unbearable thought!
  • Although there's no telling what people who return from the grave are capable of. We Christians know that better than anyone.
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Poor bear. :cry:
  • PigwidgeonPigwidgeon Shipmate
    From one of our local news sources:
    After being on the run for more than two weeks, police say they arrested the man who rammed a police officer's SUV and carjacked a 17-year-old girl at knifepoint outside an elementary school in Phoenix.
    I don't understand why the police were on the run for more than two weeks.
    :confused:
  • If I had a girl chasing me while being held at knifepoint outside an elementary school, I'd run too!
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    CNN has:
    An Australian destroyer arrived in San Diego with 2 dead endangered whales stuck to its hull

    Those Aussies! Didn't throw them on the barbie then?
  • edited May 2021
    .
  • On the headline crawl of the ever-reliable NewsNet TV channel:

    Israel and Hamas agree to unilateral cease-fire

    Well, if they both agree, it isn't unilateral, is it? Or am I missing something?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    It's unilateral, but on both sides. :mrgreen:
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Typical. They couldn't even mutually agree to a cease-fire. They both had to unilaterally decide to do it.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    From the New York Times:
    China to Try Australian on Spy Charge, Adding to Diplomatic Tensions

    Not surprised that charges lead to tension. Or does tension lead to charges? Glad they're only trying, so maybe nothing will come out of it.
  • NBC News this morning also mentioned the "unilateral" ceasefire agreed to by Israel and Hamas. Perhaps this means that the two groups are going to merge into one.
  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    Wesley J wrote: »
    From the New York Times:
    China to Try Australian on Spy Charge, Adding to Diplomatic Tensions

    Not surprised that charges lead to tension. Or does tension lead to charges? Glad they're only trying, so maybe nothing will come out of it.
    The thing is, China has plenty of people of their own to do spying, so I don't know why they would want to try an Australian to do it for them. I am sure the Australian would be very good in the role, but surely this is the sort of thing that it is best to use the domestic product?

    By the way, is a spy charge anything like the Running of the Bulls? How many spies take part in it?

  • On the BBC World News America headline crawl:

    Bangladesh arrests tiger poaching suspect after 20-year hunt

    Why arrest the tiger? I should think they'd want to reward it if it pursued a suspect for 20 years and then finally poached him.
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