Headlines of Utter Weirdness

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  • Specifically, red Routemasters.
  • Gee DGee D Shipmate
    In the UK it's usually double decker buses.

    So would half the size of a giraffe (half a giraffe is not a pleasant thought) be about the size of the engine compartment of the bus?
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited March 2022
    In the UK it's usually double decker buses.

    It depends.

    Tumours and cysts are measures by fruit - one melon = 3 grapefruit,
    1 grapefruit = 3 oranges, 1 orange = 3 plums, 1 plum = 3 grapes.

    Land masses are measured in Waleses, although for an international readership the Belgium is a common measure.

    Smaller areas are of course measured in football pitches.

    Heights are often measured in double decker buses, but very tall buildings might be measured in Shards or Canary Wharf Towers. The traditional unit was of course the Blackpool Tower.



  • HedgehogHedgehog Shipmate
    With such sensible units of measurement, I can't imagine why anybody would want to go metric....
  • KarlLB wrote: »
    The traditional unit was of course the Blackpool Tower.
    Only in T'North. Further Sarf it was Nelson's Column.

    And haven't you forgotten area measured in football pitches, and volume measured in Olytmpic-sized swimming pools (though recently I heard Wembley Stadiums being used).

  • EnochEnoch Shipmate
    And lengths measured in cricket pitches.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    KarlLB wrote: »
    The traditional unit was of course the Blackpool Tower.
    Only in T'North. Further Sarf it was Nelson's Column.

    And haven't you forgotten area measured in football pitches, and volume measured in Olytmpic-sized swimming pools (though recently I heard Wembley Stadiums being used).

    I included football pitches.
  • KarlLBKarlLB Shipmate
    edited March 2022
    Enoch wrote: »
    And lengths measured in cricket pitches.

    Not so much now. The kids barely know what cricket is these days.
  • From the "i" (but found elsewhere too); "Prisoner on the run in his pants 'may have changed his appearance'". I should hope so, too ...
  • Rev per MinuteRev per Minute Shipmate
    edited March 2022
    KarlLB wrote: »
    In the UK it's usually double decker buses.

    It depends.

    Tumours and cysts are measures by fruit - one melon = 3 grapefruit,
    1 grapefruit = 3 oranges, 1 orange = 3 plums, 1 plum = 3 grapes.

    Land masses are measured in Waleses, although for an international readership the Belgium is a common measure.

    Smaller areas are of course measured in football pitches.

    Heights are often measured in double decker buses, but very tall buildings might be measured in Shards or Canary Wharf Towers. The traditional unit was of course the Blackpool Tower.



    Large areas are often described by another SI (Silly and Impractical) Unit, a Wales. Hence, "an area of rainforest three times the size of Wales has been lost so far this year" or "it would need a solar farm half the size of Wales to replace the UK' nuclear reactors" (figures are imaginary, Wales is not).

    The standard conversion factor is 1 Wales = 2.178 million rugby pitches (using a standardised 10,000 m2 pitch), rather than the imperial football pitch measure brought by the Anglo-Norman invaders...
  • How many Wales to the Belgium?
  • Belgium is 30,688 km² - Wales is 20,779 km², so a Wales is about two-thirds of a Belgium.

    Those interested enough (or bored out of their skulls) could Google the areas of other countries, to see (for example) how many Wales make a Scotland...

  • I have a lot of sympathy for measuring rainforest loss in Waleses.

    Because people don't have a clue how big large numbers are. People are good at grasping one of something, or a few of them, but if you ask people what thing they are familiar with is closest to 10,000 football fields in size (or 10,000 acres, or 10,000 hectares, or ...) then you'll get a very wide range of answers.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Ehem, can we please, slowly but steadily, get back to 'em utterly nutterly weird headlines? Methinks this might be unmeasurably appreciated by a multitude. It gets utterly weird in quite a different way otherwise, and that really would be, well, very weird. Just sayin'.

    Ta. :)
  • According to the local BBC TV news, the Welsh RFU will be putting out "an unchanged side" for the next female Six Nations match. Goodness, I know that we live in straitened times - but couldn't they even afford to shove the team's kit through a washing machine?
  • From NHK World -- a news broadcast originating in Japan and broadcast in English over many US Public Television stations:

    Russia sanctions effecting Japanese business

    Well, good. I'm all for strengthening domestic industry.

    I know they meant to say "affect" (= have a possibly negative influence on) rather than "effect" (= bring about). But much can be lost in translation.
  • From an article in today's "Independent" (on the rising cost of living): " ... last month, Iceland supermarket boss Malcolm Walker made the chilling pronouncement ... ".

    Well, he would, wouldn't he?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    Groan!
  • Just heard an item on the BBC News saying that "manufacturers will face penalties" for litter that's been dumped.

    I thought it was goalkeepers who faced penalties!
  • edited April 2022
    On the headline crawl of Newsy, our newest 24-hour all-news (or so they claim, but it isn't true) channel:

    People who live with gun owners more likely to get shot than people who don't.

    Really? I wonder why that is?
  • PigletPiglet All Saints Host, Circus Host
    And today's prize for Stating the Bleedin' Obvious goes to ...
  • From the local newspaper's website: Suspected mobile phone arrested "trying to flee the UK".

    I know they can do many things, but independent locomotion is actually a bit scary!
  • Pendragon wrote: »
    From the local newspaper's website: Suspected mobile phone arrested "trying to flee the UK".

    I know they can do many things, but independent locomotion is actually a bit scary!

    Apple — Always one step ahead of the competition.
  • Pendragon wrote: »
    From the local newspaper's website: Suspected mobile phone arrested "trying to flee the UK".

    I know they can do many things, but independent locomotion is actually a bit scary!

    O I think mine is independently mobile - it never seems to be where I thought I'd put it down...
    :open_mouth:

    Keys and pens do the same, being (I guess) forerunners of mobile phones.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Part of a the headline of a recent BBC Radio 4 Farming Today podcast:
    Free Range Egg Producers [...]
    That would be chickens, wouldn' it? Glad they're finally being interviewed too.

  • Wesley J wrote: »
    Part of a the headline of a recent BBC Radio 4 Farming Today podcast:
    Free Range Egg Producers [...]
    That would be chickens, wouldn' it? Glad they're finally being interviewed too.

    They're just trying to earn a buck buck buck.
  • On the ever-reliable NewsNet headline crawl:

    Prison guard disappears while escorting inmate

    I TOLD them to confiscate all the magic wands!
  • :flushed:

    Is it known what happened to the prison inmate?
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    I heard about that story and I believe both prison officer and inmate have disappeared and they don’t know if she assisted him or if she is a hostage. He is a murder suspect and has a history of kidnap and attempting to murder acquitances so it isn’t good for her either way.
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    He's a murder suspect with a history of kidnapping and attempted murder and they only had ONE person escorting him? Are they mad?
  • HeavenlyannieHeavenlyannie Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    I gather they usually do have two people but she is the person who organises the escorting. It guess that subordinates felt they couldn’t challenge her. Hence the question of whether she is a hostage or not.
  • And on this morning's news:

    Sheriff's deputies search for man who went underwater while swimming

    Good Lord, is that illegal now too?

    (I know this is a very serious matter. I don't mean to make light of it, but it's the choice of words that struck me as strange. Lake Pleasant, a popular recreation venue here in the Phoenix area, is notorious for more than its share of drownings and boating accidents.)
  • cgichardcgichard Shipmate
    BBC News headline:
    The Australian seat six times bigger than Britain

    In my haste, I first read that as "Australians eat six times bigger", and thought yes, big appetites but still surely not, and then wondered about seating capacity of couches. Eventually realized that it was related to the forthcoming election. Just shows how switched off from news I am.
  • From our local online news:

    Village shaken by exploding Audi drama

    Not any old car, you observe, but an Audi. Shows how affluent we is rahnd ere...
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Sounds like a posh theatre performance, the Audi drama. Did it explode in or near an Audi-torium? (Sorry.)
  • It exploded several times, apparently, and destroyed a minibus as well as damaging several other vehicles. Arson/vandalism is suspected...

    The village certainly heard the bangs with their Audi-tory organs...
  • Well, it clearly wasn't an Old Banger.
  • From BBC Wales - I had to read this twice before I understood it: "Hospital worker rents moped due to high bus costs". (Not "moped" but "moped").
  • Well, it clearly wasn't an Old Banger.

    *groan*

    A rather expensive New Banger, I'm afraid...

    From the same news outlet:

    A flamboyance of flamingos has finally been freed
    [after an avian flu outbreak]

    Not exactly weird, but a delightful example of alliteration's artful aid...
    :lol:
  • Gramps49Gramps49 Shipmate
    One I saw on Google News:

    Man dies will digging grave for women he just killed.

    Karma

  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Well, it clearly wasn't an Old Banger.

    *groan*

    A rather expensive New Banger, I'm afraid...[...]

    And now mash.
  • Wesley JWesley J Circus Host
    Oh dear. Here's one of the Ship's own!

    Streaming with Laughter… the quest for the funniest online service fails

    When I found (or refound) this, I read it as there was no success, and submissions were now closed. However, it turns out that 'fails' here is not a verb, but a plural noun.
  • "Failures" having fallen into disfavor, then?
  • Bishops FingerBishops Finger Shipmate
    edited May 2022
    Another one from our local news outlet:

    Japanese knotweed threatens thousands of unbuilt homes

    The Day of the Triffids all over again?
    :fearful:
  • Not just that - how can something "unbuilt" be threatened?
  • Well, yes - that makes it even more surreal! AIUI, the dreaded Knotweed is already rife on the ground where the new houses are planned, so presumably it could re-surface quite quickly, and Take Over the new gardens...
    :fearful:
  • I think the headline should have read:

    Japanese knotweed threatens plan to build thousands of homes. Perhaps there wasn't enough space?
  • Our local rag is not exactly famous for the clarity of its reporting, or the correctness of its use of the English language...
  • mousethiefmousethief Shipmate
    Home-building Plans Threatened: Knotweed.
  • PendragonPendragon Shipmate
    Our local rag is not exactly famous for the clarity of its reporting, or the correctness of its use of the English language...

    I think that applies to local papers nationally, especially in this day and age.
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