The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. They would call themselves 'DireRhea'.
The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. They would call themselves 'DireRhea'.
I've always felt it's funny how diarrhoea sounds like the dire rear you get...
Sorry - mine's the leather jacket. I can see myself out.
'Mam, I'm 'ere.'
It reminds me of the yarn about the Welsh teacher of a Liverpool school who arrived late for a for a teaching session. Hearing a disturbance and knowing the likely culprit, he flung open the classroom door and shouted 'Hughes, stand up!' The whole class rose to their feet. (Translation: 'Youse, stand up!)
The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. They would call themselves 'DireRhea'.
No no no. This should read:
The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. But they abandoned the idea, because nobody would hire a band called (pause)...
Chris Straits.
The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. They would call themselves 'DireRhea'.
No no no. This should read:
The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. But they abandoned the idea, because nobody would hire a band called (pause)...
Chris Straits.
Apparently, Mark Knofler left the band, but some of them anted to carry on. They were not allowed to use the full name, so instead of being Dire Straits, they are just Dire.
The American political version of the hedgehog joke is, "What is the difference between a cactus and a caucus?"
Oh, that's so good, the aliteration adds so much! Over the years, when having to endure my (numerous) blood tests, the warning has changed (though I forget exactly when). I'm now told to 'expect a small sctratch'.
little room for a bad joke, there, alas!
The handyman we work with is deaf. He lost his hearing when he was an infant due to a high fever. He went to a deaf school in the area in a time where they discouraged signing. He said he began to understand signing during recess, but after a year he was placed in a hearing school. He hates it when people try shouting at him. He much rather prefers people face him directly so he can lip read. He finds shouting condescending.
The handyman we work with is deaf. He lost his hearing when he was an infant due to a high fever. He went to a deaf school in the area in a time where they discouraged signing. He said he began to understand signing during recess, but after a year he was placed in a hearing school. He hates it when people try shouting at him. He much rather prefers people face him directly so he can lip read. He finds shouting condescending.
Did you know that if you shout loud enough to someone who doesn't speak English, they'll understand what you want?
The handyman we work with is deaf. He lost his hearing when he was an infant due to a high fever. He went to a deaf school in the area in a time where they discouraged signing. He said he began to understand signing during recess, but after a year he was placed in a hearing school. He hates it when people try shouting at him. He much rather prefers people face him directly so he can lip read. He finds shouting condescending.
How do you sell chickens to a deaf man?
Look at him directly and speak normally so he can lip read.
Nah, the joke doesn’t really work.
Anyway, back to bad jokes
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one and ten to sing about the old one.
The handyman we work with is deaf. He lost his hearing when he was an infant due to a high fever. He went to a deaf school in the area in a time where they discouraged signing. He said he began to understand signing during recess, but after a year he was placed in a hearing school. He hates it when people try shouting at him. He much rather prefers people face him directly so he can lip read. He finds shouting condescending.
How do you sell chickens to a deaf man?
Look at him directly and speak normally so he can lip read.
Nah, the joke doesn’t really work.
Anyway, back to bad jokes
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one and ten to sing about the old one.
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to go up the ladder and two to say that it's far too high for her but they could do it easily.
HM tenors DITTCAL?
Just one. We hold it up and let the world revolve around us.
<RECOMMENDATION>There is a difference between a bad joke and an offensive joke.</RECOMMENDATION>
In the eye of the beholder, for example, " I say I say, my brother was away and his wife had an afair with the milkman. So I told him and he came back quickly and by helicopter!"
Comments
Boss: Tell him I can’t see him
I’m done after 3 minutes
Egg 2: don’t be silly it takes 4 minutes for me to get hard
So help me back in 1970 ( aged 17) I didn’t get it….
He opened his front door and called up the stairs: "Mama Mia!"
Nope, not getting the Scouse reference there.
Scrub that, just got it after 48 hours...
I've always felt it's funny how diarrhoea sounds like the dire rear you get...
Sorry - mine's the leather jacket. I can see myself out.
It didn't take me quite that long, but still, I think its credentials as a really bad joke have been established.
I must be as thick as a whale omelette. I just don't get it! could some kind poster please enlighten me?
Please, please, pretty please!
It reminds me of the yarn about the Welsh teacher of a Liverpool school who arrived late for a for a teaching session. Hearing a disturbance and knowing the likely culprit, he flung open the classroom door and shouted 'Hughes, stand up!' The whole class rose to their feet. (Translation: 'Youse, stand up!)
No no no. This should read:
The story is told that the pop group Dire Straits and the singer Chris Rhea planned to get together as a 'supergroup'. But they abandoned the idea, because nobody would hire a band called (pause)...
Chris Straits.
Ah, but that would be a good (clever!) joke.
A secretary at a place I worked broke hers and said, "Now it's only good for measuring six inch things."
In my defence, it was told me by my Scouser partner.
To be fair, Mam I'm 'ere sounds like Mama Mia in pretty much any non-rhotic h-dropping accent - which covers almost all of England and much of Wales.
It only took me longer than it ought because I failed to read it out loud. But it's not uniquely Scouse.
Bwaaa bwaaa bwaaaa bwaaaa....
But "Mam" is pretty regional. Not sure whether it's a generally "northern" thing or specific to a few places like Liverpool and Glasgow.
Yeh, regional in use (across a good part of Northern England I'd say) but also pretty universally understood.
Interestingly, "Mum I'm 'ere" using a Southern Strut vowel sounds even more like "Mama Mia" than the Mam version does, if anything.
"Yeah I haven't been going to the gym. I've had a lot on my plate."
Have you heard the one about the dyslexic agnostic? He used to lie awake at night wondering about the existence of dog.
That's the dyslexic agnostic insomniac, specifically.
A carrot
It was an XR 2i when I were young.
Oh, that's so good, the aliteration adds so much! Over the years, when having to endure my (numerous) blood tests, the warning has changed (though I forget exactly when). I'm now told to 'expect a small sctratch'.
little room for a bad joke, there, alas!
My wife's gone to the West Indies?
Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.
Meanwhile, tadpoles can get into a lot of trouble if caught swapping frogspawn... (caveat: joke may not work in some accents)
Alternatively,
My wife's gone to Indonesia
Jakarta?
In Dorset?
Yes, we'd recommend it to anyone!
A: Pretty damn nice.
A: BUY MY CHICKENS!!!!
The handyman we work with is deaf. He lost his hearing when he was an infant due to a high fever. He went to a deaf school in the area in a time where they discouraged signing. He said he began to understand signing during recess, but after a year he was placed in a hearing school. He hates it when people try shouting at him. He much rather prefers people face him directly so he can lip read. He finds shouting condescending.
Did you know that if you shout loud enough to someone who doesn't speak English, they'll understand what you want?
How do you sell chickens to a deaf man?
Look at him directly and speak normally so he can lip read.
Nah, the joke doesn’t really work.
Anyway, back to bad jokes
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one and ten to sing about the old one.
None. I'll just sit here in the dark. Youse go out and enjoy yourselves.
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to go up the ladder and two to say that it's far too high for her but they could do it easily.
HM tenors DITTCAL?
Just one. We hold it up and let the world revolve around us.
Has to be screw thread, obviously.
A. CHANGE?!?!?
One, and ten to form a society to remember how good the old one was and campaign for its use.
In the eye of the beholder, for example, " I say I say, my brother was away and his wife had an afair with the milkman. So I told him and he came back quickly and by helicopter!"