What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A vector perpendicular to the elephant-kangroo plane, of length elephant kangaroo sin(theta), where theta is the angle between an elephant and a kangaroo.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
I am 73 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!! I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, ......why eggs and light globes are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... i still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATMs or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going to... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs and why cars can park on driveways, but not on park ways....and do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's,...
In the dream, Adrian Plass is putting wood and stuff on a fire to keep it burning. Eventually he runs out of stuff to put on it so he decides to throw himself on. As he is about to throw himself on the fire, he hears a woman's voice shout, "Stop! Don't do it! Don't be a fuel!"
At the end of the day, the sheepdog reported back to the shepherd, "All fifty sheep
accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" the shepherd replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up.
At the end of the day, the sheepdog reported back to the shepherd, "All fifty sheep
accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" the shepherd replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up.
Could I remind ST this thread is for BAD jokes?
This one's a corker!
At the end of the day, the sheepdog reported back to the shepherd, "All fifty sheep
accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" the shepherd replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up.
Could I remind ST this thread is for BAD jokes?
This one's a corker!
Not least because anyone familiar with collies would be utterly unsurprised.
One day a pastor paid a home visit to an elderly member of the church. He served her Communion, then chatted a bit. Carefully phrasing things to maybe open a religious topic (so more than just a social call) he asked, “Given the number of years you’ve put behind you, do you think much about the HereAfter?”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, pastor. As a matter of fact I do.”
The pastor nodded in a quiet way. She continued. “You know, there’s hardly a day doesn’t go by when I walk into a room and I stop and say to myself, ‘Now what am I here after?”
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
Comments
I think you’re in the wrong joke sir.
"Do you have any luggage?
"No, I'm traveling light."
What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and an ordinary skunk?
Rush Limbaugh wouldn't be caught dead in the middle of the road.
(A friend tried to translate it into Dutch, and was unsuccessful.)
Suddenly to their surprise and joy they came to a small group of trading stands mysteriously present on the sands.
"Please give us some water!" they cried.
"I'm sorry," said the merchant, "I only have these small fragments of sponge cake"
The luckless explorers moved onto a second stall
"I'm afraid," said this stallholder, "that I only stock whipped cream and custard".
Desperately the duo proceeded to the final stand and begged again for water
"All I have," said the seller apologetically, "is this immense catering pack of hundreds and thousands"
The explorers crawled on in a disappointed fashion.
"I can't understand," one said, "why they were selling such strange goods. And what were they doing out here in the desert anyway?"
"I know, " said his companion, "it was a trifle bazaar"....
To get to the same side.
Sine x cosine x and e to the power x were all at a party
Sine x and cosine x were having a great time. But e to the power x was sitting miserably in a corner.
Sine x and cosine x tried to encourage their friend. "You should get out into the crowd and integrate yourself!" they said.
"No it wouldn't make any difference to me" said e to the power x sadly
BOOM BOOM
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A vector perpendicular to the elephant-kangroo plane, of length elephant kangaroo sin(theta), where theta is the angle between an elephant and a kangaroo.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
You can't - one of them's a scalar.
You should learn to differentiate between a good joke and a bad joke.
The difference is constant.
Because they work on so many levels.
Sorry for the double post. I could not resist.
In the dream, Adrian Plass is putting wood and stuff on a fire to keep it burning. Eventually he runs out of stuff to put on it so he decides to throw himself on. As he is about to throw himself on the fire, he hears a woman's voice shout, "Stop! Don't do it! Don't be a fuel!"
Q: Why does a small rodent get bigger if you put an LED up its bottom?
A: Because it is now vole-luminous.
The Licencee kicked me out and said, " You're barred."
That takes me back to another junior school joke: A woman sat on a bacon slicer - disaster!
What a coincidence! My dog swallowed some Scrabble tiles yesterday. I took her to the vet and had to leave her there. No word yet.
I swallowed some Scrabble tiles today. My next trip to the bathroom may spell disaster.
As long as you're not the first player. You only get 7 letters IIRC, so need to join into a word already there.
Unless you play nine-tile Scrabble, which some of us do as it makes for a faster game.
At the end of the day, the sheepdog reported back to the shepherd, "All fifty sheep
accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" the shepherd replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up.
Sorry, not heard of that.
Could I remind ST this thread is for BAD jokes?
This one's a corker!
Not least because anyone familiar with collies would be utterly unsurprised.
In case he got a hole in one.
'It was colourful.'
"Oh, what type are they?" I asked.
"Two-thirty."
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, pastor. As a matter of fact I do.”
The pastor nodded in a quiet way. She continued. “You know, there’s hardly a day doesn’t go by when I walk into a room and I stop and say to myself, ‘Now what am I here after?”
.
The Zip fly.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
so I gave her $40 from the $200 I had found.
When life blesses you, you must bless others.
This is dreadful. I didn't 'get it' for quite some time ... and I'm a biochemist! Oh dear.
How do you make a hormone?
Forget to pay her!
Sorry .....
A father in law