Last night's weather was so stormy, we lost a quarter of our roof!
Oof!
Never again, not never, not never before the heat death of the universe, will I be accused of telling a bad joke again, in the light of the existence of that effort!
I was preparing for a party. and brought up a balloon with my face on it! The host realised once I had blown it up so I had to not use it and got rid of it.
I let the host down, I let the party down, but most of, I had let myself down.
I was preparing for a party. and brought up a balloon with my face on it! The host realised once I had blown it up so I had to not use it and got rid of it.
I let the host down, I let the party down, but most of, I had let myself down.
I prefer the Dibbly version with the child who brings a pin to their inflatable school.
I was preparing for a party. and brought up a balloon with my face on it! The host realised once I had blown it up so I had to not use it and got rid of it.
I let the host down, I let the party down, but most of, I had let myself down.
Another version is of the little balloon who tried to get into bed with his parents. He found there wasn’t enough room, so let a little air out of daddy balloon. There still wasn’t enough room, so he let some air out of mummy balloon. There still wasn’t quite enough room, so finally he let some air out of himself. Now there was plenty of room and he fell asleep.
The next morning, when daddy balloon realised what had happened he was very cross and said to the little balloon “you’ve let me down, you’ve let your mother down and, most of all, you’ve let yourself down”
Am shockedandhorrified to report that our younger daughter called yesterday and mentioned that her 9 year old son came home in a state of near collapse, laughing. "We learned a new word today - 'perpendicular'! It's a word with a dick in the middle!" I can hardly imagine my own mother's reaction if I'd said that, but I think it would have involved an amount of physical pain.
I hope they don't live in Scunthorpe .... 9 years old is indeed quite young to be aware of hidden rude words in ordinary words. They are everywhere. But no new thread, please. At least not in Heaven!
Am shockedandhorrified to report that our younger daughter called yesterday and mentioned that her 9 year old son came home in a state of near collapse, laughing. "We learned a new word today - 'perpendicular'! It's a word with a dick in the middle!" I can hardly imagine my own mother's reaction if I'd said that, but I think it would have involved an amount of physical pain.
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
Host note: this post has been trimmed to remove material copied and pasted from another website, which we do not allow; however the exchange above, and many more like it, can be found here.
I suspect a lot of those are either misattributed or apocryphal.
E.g. the canonical version of No 2 is -
"Earl of Sandwich: 'Pon my soul, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die upon the gallows or of the pox.
Wilkes: That depends, my Lord, whether I first embrace your Lordship's principles, or your Lordship's mistresses.
Charles Petrie The Four Georges (1935); probably apocryphal"
I hope they don't live in Scunthorpe .... 9 years old is indeed quite young to be aware of hidden rude words in ordinary words. They are everywhere. But no new thread, please. At least not in Heaven!
You have obviously never taught a group of schoolchildren about the planet Uranus.
They tend to work on the principle "if a joke if funny the first time, it will probably be at least fifty times funnier the fiftieth time"...
I hope they don't live in Scunthorpe .... 9 years old is indeed quite young to be aware of hidden rude words in ordinary words. They are everywhere. But no new thread, please. At least not in Heaven!
You have obviously never taught a group of schoolchildren about the planet Uranus.
They tend to work on the principle "if a joke if funny the first time, it will probably be at least fifty times funnier the fiftieth time"...
Especially if talking bout the new spacecraft whizzing by -- "Lemminger is the first probe to get a close-up view of Uranus." (name invented for privacy)
TT, I think my Dad worked on the same principle with the puns he used to make. He would have loved this thread - though minus the rude words. I read out some of it to my brother when he was visiting his response was the same.
TT, I think my Dad worked on the same principle with the puns he used to make. He would have loved this thread - though minus the rude words. I read out some of it to my brother when he was visiting his response was the same.
Puns are probably the worst of all. My friend has a personalised licence plate on his car that says "Punnedit". The rest of his family don't think it's funny.
I hope they don't live in Scunthorpe .... 9 years old is indeed quite young to be aware of hidden rude words in ordinary words. They are everywhere. But no new thread, please. At least not in Heaven!
You have obviously never taught a group of schoolchildren about the planet Uranus.
They tend to work on the principle "if a joke if funny the first time, it will probably be at least fifty times funnier the fiftieth time"...
Especially if talking bout the new spacecraft whizzing by -- "Lemminger is the first probe to get a close-up view of Uranus." (name invented for privacy)
"Sir, is it true that Uranus is turned through 90 degrees"
"Sir, is it true that Uranus is covered in clouds of green gas"
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said, 'Made in China,'
The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive, they made me sign a certificate promising not to share their flatbread recipe. The typical naan-disclosure agreement.
Comments
hahahahaha
I might be as thick as a whale sandwich, but I just don't get it! Is it explainable? Please, pretty please ....
Subtract the 'r' (ie one quarter of the word) and you have 'oof'.
Ah, the joke depends on the final word 'oof' in the posting. This I hadn't realised.
Hence its inclusion in bad jokes.
Have you read the name of the thread recently?
I let the host down, I let the party down, but most of, I had let myself down.
I prefer the Dibbly version with the child who brings a pin to their inflatable school.
Another version is of the little balloon who tried to get into bed with his parents. He found there wasn’t enough room, so let a little air out of daddy balloon. There still wasn’t enough room, so he let some air out of mummy balloon. There still wasn’t quite enough room, so finally he let some air out of himself. Now there was plenty of room and he fell asleep.
The next morning, when daddy balloon realised what had happened he was very cross and said to the little balloon “you’ve let me down, you’ve let your mother down and, most of all, you’ve let yourself down”
In case he got a hole in one.
Perceptive young di.., I mean man.
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
Host note: this post has been trimmed to remove material copied and pasted from another website, which we do not allow; however the exchange above, and many more like it, can be found here.
Trudy, Heavenly Host
E.g. the canonical version of No 2 is -
"Earl of Sandwich: 'Pon my soul, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die upon the gallows or of the pox.
Wilkes: That depends, my Lord, whether I first embrace your Lordship's principles, or your Lordship's mistresses.
Charles Petrie The Four Georges (1935); probably apocryphal"
You have obviously never taught a group of schoolchildren about the planet Uranus.
They tend to work on the principle "if a joke if funny the first time, it will probably be at least fifty times funnier the fiftieth time"...
Especially if talking bout the new spacecraft whizzing by -- "Lemminger is the first probe to get a close-up view of Uranus." (name invented for privacy)
Puns are probably the worst of all. My friend has a personalised licence plate on his car that says "Punnedit". The rest of his family don't think it's funny.
In inches. It has no feet.
I don't know but the flag is a big plus.
SUPERB
"Sir, is it true that Uranus is turned through 90 degrees"
"Sir, is it true that Uranus is covered in clouds of green gas"
Etcetera etcetera etcetera
When the stationary store moved.
Well, what do you expect? It's been dead a week.
Interviewee: That's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: Impressive. You're hired.
Interviewee: That's s great! I really need the Yob.
LOL!!!
Gold.
@Eirenist, silver.
A fair few bronzes.
Q. What's black and white and would kill you if at came out of a tree at you?
Q. Who do vegetarian cannibals eat?
A snooker table
Groom: To make it o-fish-al.
Only as they are fried in vegetable oil.
Obviously a sham rock...
The Stilton Hilton. (There isnt't one. That was a joke.)
I am only allowed to eat fruit. I am living on a pear.
nice one
Can this one be explained? I know not Bon Jovi nor his (or her) songs. Sorry!
https://youtu.be/lDK9QqIzhwk