Well except that tulips are Liliaceae, not Amaryllidaceae.
I stand corrected ....
Our pet hamster had a nasty accident with a food blender and I regretfully poured her remains on the garden. I was astonished later that year to see this patch of ground alive with Liliaceae-like flowers. My wife, who knows about these things, merely remarked, "Have you never heard, "Tulips from hamster jam?"
Just wanted to say thanks for this thread. Some carefully selected gems gave my Dad a good laugh this morning, and he doesn’t have much to laugh about these days. Keep them coming!
Yes, please let's keep to Bad Jokes that aren't Rude Jokes; the latter are not for everyone and may harsh the vibe (as the young folks used to say, some years ago).
It has been suggested that we might edit the "Bad Jokes" title to "Dad Jokes," which includes the implication of groan-worthy puns, etc., along with the idea of them being generally clean and fun for the whole family. I'm not sure I want to go as far as editing one whole letter in a thread title, but I do think it's best for everyone if we keep the ruder jokes out of this thread.
Just got back from my friend's house. He and his wife are going through a divorce and she was calling around to share the possessions they collected together throughout the years. He asked me to be there to mediate the situation and for some morale support.
Everything was going smoothly. She wanted the TV. My friend obliged as long as he could have the stereo system, which she agreed to. After the sharing of the possessions of the living room and bedrooms, we moved on to the kitchen. On the kitchen worktop was a box of eggs. "I'm having these" she said, aggressively. "No you are not" replied my friend "I bought those yesterday". She reached into the box, took out an egg and chucked it at my friend, catching him square in the face. Well, that was it. He went to the fridge, took out a big tub of cream and tipped it over her head. She retaliated by throwing a small bottle of vanilla essence at him. It was carnage, with milk and sugar going everywhere. I left them to it.
I don't know why they can't talk it through like grown adults. Instead, they are now involved in this messy custardy battle.
Just got back from my friend's house. He and his wife are going through a divorce and she was calling around to share the possessions they collected together throughout the years. He asked me to be there to mediate the situation and for some morale support.
Everything was going smoothly. She wanted the TV. My friend obliged as long as he could have the stereo system, which she agreed to. After the sharing of the possessions of the living room and bedrooms, we moved on to the kitchen. On the kitchen worktop was a box of eggs. "I'm having these" she said, aggressively. "No you are not" replied my friend "I bought those yesterday". She reached into the box, took out an egg and chucked it at my friend, catching him square in the face. Well, that was it. He went to the fridge, took out a big tub of cream and tipped it over her head. She retaliated by throwing a small bottle of vanilla essence at him. It was carnage, with milk and sugar going everywhere. I left them to it.
I don't know why they can't talk it through like grown adults. Instead, they are now involved in this messy custardy battle.
Saw my favorite pharmacist yesterday. I think it is the first time she saw me with a full beard.
Pharmacist: (Gramps), I did not recognize you.
Me. Just checking in to see if my meds was renewed.
P. No, how long have you been out?
Me: A week. That's why I have a full beard.
Last night's weather was so stormy, we lost a quarter of our roof!
Oof!
Never again, not never, not never before the heat death of the universe, will I be accused of telling a bad joke again, in the light of the existence of that effort!
Comments
I think this is one I would disallow, if I were the official Bad Jokes Judge, for being too good. But I am very susceptible to puns.
I stand corrected ....
Our pet hamster had a nasty accident with a food blender and I regretfully poured her remains on the garden. I was astonished later that year to see this patch of ground alive with Liliaceae-like flowers. My wife, who knows about these things, merely remarked, "Have you never heard, "Tulips from hamster jam?"
I would remind you this is a thread for BAD jokes!
Personally, I like Cuban coffee.
I realized that it was all for immorel purposes.
A carrot.
the more I regret
the number of people
I have lost.
Maybe being a
trail guide
was not a great ideal
after all.
no vacation this year.
Now, I am dealing
with Emotional Baggage.
A: Because Ken came in a different box.
It has been suggested that we might edit the "Bad Jokes" title to "Dad Jokes," which includes the implication of groan-worthy puns, etc., along with the idea of them being generally clean and fun for the whole family. I'm not sure I want to go as far as editing one whole letter in a thread title, but I do think it's best for everyone if we keep the ruder jokes out of this thread.
Trudy, Heavenly Host
Groan
A duet with Sean Connery would seem to be in order.
Telford, this thread is for BAD jokes. This is a cracker!
Took me a few seconds and then I got it !!!!!!!
🤣 groan indeed!
She fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of herself.
Obi-wan: Use the fork, Luke.
Because they don’t like fast food.
Lemon-aid.
Waspital.
’ell if I know.
- Why did donald trump spend so much time flying on government aircraft?
- The regular airlines wouldn't give him frequent liar points.
Everything was going smoothly. She wanted the TV. My friend obliged as long as he could have the stereo system, which she agreed to. After the sharing of the possessions of the living room and bedrooms, we moved on to the kitchen. On the kitchen worktop was a box of eggs. "I'm having these" she said, aggressively. "No you are not" replied my friend "I bought those yesterday". She reached into the box, took out an egg and chucked it at my friend, catching him square in the face. Well, that was it. He went to the fridge, took out a big tub of cream and tipped it over her head. She retaliated by throwing a small bottle of vanilla essence at him. It was carnage, with milk and sugar going everywhere. I left them to it.
I don't know why they can't talk it through like grown adults. Instead, they are now involved in this messy custardy battle.
Sounds like they both got their just desserts!
Double groan .....
Pharmacist: (Gramps), I did not recognize you.
Me. Just checking in to see if my meds was renewed.
P. No, how long have you been out?
Me: A week. That's why I have a full beard.
The look on her face was priceless.
Okay, not a joke so much.
The Salvation Navy.
At a whale-weigh station.
So they can hide in cherry trees.
What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries.
Oof!
Never again, not never, not never before the heat death of the universe, will I be accused of telling a bad joke again, in the light of the existence of that effort!